How To Talk Intimately With Your Boyfriend

This discussion fosters intimacy.

  • Take the initiative and go first. In an I’ll-show-you-mine, you-show-me-yours situation, sharing something intimate may inspire your spouse to do the same.
Before You Continue…

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How can I be more sexually intimate with my boyfriend?

“I thought we were doing okay, I honestly did,” Jason says when Kendra breaks the bombshell. Even though we don’t have much sex these days, it appears to be a phase we’re going through. By the time I get into bed at night, I’m out of energy.”

Kendra and Jason were reportedly passionate in the early years of their marriage. However, their sex life has diminished in recent years, and they rarely spend time together without their children. Jason typically pushes away from Kendra when she desires physical connection.

A pursuer-distancer cycle that develops over time, according to specialists, is the most typical reason couples lose their desire for each other and stop being physically intimate. Dr. Sue Johnson refers to the demand-withdraw pattern as the “Protest Polka,” one of three “Demon Dialogues.” When one partner becomes critical and confrontational, the other gets defensive and withdrawn, she explains.

According to Dr. John Gottman’s research, couples that get locked in this pattern in the first few years of marriage have a greater than 80% probability of divorcing within the first four to five years.

Foster Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy and closeness are the foundations of a good sexual relationship. To put it another way, if you want to improve your physical relationship, you must first strengthen your emotional relationship. Concentrate on addressing your partner’s demands while also articulating your own in a caring and polite manner.

Dr. Gottman emphasizes in The Science of Trust that couples who want to rekindle their passion and love must turn to each other. Even when you disagree, practicing emotional attunement can help you stay connected. Instead of being defensive, this means leaning toward one another and demonstrating empathy. Instead than talking about what they don’t need, both partners should talk about their sentiments in terms of positive needs.

Expressing a positive need, according to Dr. Gottman, is a formula for success for both the listener and the speaker since it delivers concerns and requests without judgment or blame. “This necessitates a conceptual change from what is wrong with one’s spouse to what one’s partner can do that would work,” explains Dr. Gottman. “Here’s how I feel, and here’s what I need from you,” the speaker is truly saying.

Rekindle Sexual Chemistry

Due to the euphoria of falling in love, many couples rarely come up for air throughout the early stages of marriage. Regrettably, this delightful mood does not persist indefinitely. Scientists have discovered that the bonding hormone oxytocin, which is released during the early stages of infatuation, leads partners to feel happy and turned on by physical touch. It actually functions like a narcotic, providing us with immediate gratification and tying us to our partner.

Holding hands, hugging, and gently touching your lover are all wonderful ways to express your love for them. Sexual contact that is focused on pleasure is put in motion by physical affection. If you want to improve your marriage, Dr. Micheal Stysma, a sex therapist and educator, suggests setting a goal of doubling the amount of time you kiss, hug, and utilize sensual touch.

It’s difficult to maintain sexual interest over time. Kendra and Jason, for example, lack passion because they are unwilling to relinquish power and display weakness. As a result, they avoid sex and only touch each other on rare occasions. “Most sexual difficulties come from an interpersonal battle in the marriage,” says sex therapist Laurie Watson.

1. Alter your sex-initiation pattern.

Perhaps you’re denying your partner or coming on a little too aggressively. Stop blaming each other and criticizing each other. To stop the power conflict, mix things up. Distancers, for example, may wish to practice initiating sex more frequently, while pursuers try to find subtle ways to tell their partner “you’re sexy” while avoiding criticism and demands for proximity.

2. Increase the number of times you hold hands

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Holding hands, embracing, and caressing can produce oxytocin, which causes a relaxing sense, according to author Dr. Kory Floyd. It’s also been discovered that it’s released during sexual orgasm. Physical affection also decreases stress hormones, reducing cortisol levels in the body on a daily basis.

3. Allow for an increase in tension.

When we wait for a reward for a long period before receiving it, our brains experience more pleasure. So, during foreplay, take your time, exchange fantasies, switch venues, and make sex more romantic.

4. Keep sexual intimacy and routine separate.

Plan time for intimacy and avoid discussing relationship issues or domestic duties in the bedroom. When we’re distracted or anxious, our sexual arousal levels drop.

5. Schedule time for you and your partner to spend together.

Experiment with a range of activities that will give you both pleasure and satisfaction. To ignite sexual desire and intimacy, have fun courting and practicing flirting. “Everything positive you do in your relationship is foreplay,” says Dr. Gottman.

6. Pay special attention to touching with affection.

Make an offer to rub your partner’s back or shoulders. Even if you are not a touchy-feely person, affectionate touch can be a powerful method to demonstrate and rekindle desire.

7. Make an effort to be more emotionally vulnerable during sex.

Share your deepest fantasies, desires, and hopes with your spouse. Consider individual or couple counseling if you are afraid of emotional intimacy.

8. Keep an open mind when it comes to sexual intimacy.

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Experiment with fresh ways to make each other happy. Consider sex as an opportunity to learn more about your spouse over time.

9. Experiment with different types of sex.

Have sex that is delicate, tender, intimate, and incredibly erotic. As your sexual needs alter, break up the routine and try new activities.

Make sex a priority in your life.

Set the tone for intimacy before your passion is suffocated by TV or work. A small supper, combined with your favorite music and a glass of wine, can help you get ready for some good sex.

The good news is that allowing your lover to have an effect on you can rekindle the passion you previously had. In fact, according to Dr. Gottman, friendship is the glue that keeps a marriage together:

“The couples who make it are the ones who know each other thoroughly and are well-versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality idiosyncrasies, hopes, and dreams.”

Increased physical affection and emotional attunement can help you maintain a strong, meaningful link, even if you aren’t a touchy-feely type.

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In the inaugural Gottman Relationship Coach program, you’ll learn how to make your relationship work.

How do you communicate intimately?

You should feel understood and appreciated for who you are in an intimate relationship. You may entirely open up to the other person since you trust them. A sense of belonging is what intimacy is all about.

  • a few words (what you say and what you do not say in phone calls, in person, in writing)
  • Hand gestures (leaning toward or turning away from your partner, nodding your head, showing that you are listening)

You don’t have to spend all of your time talking about your relationship to communicate. It implies that you discuss topics that are truly important to you. It implies that you are not scared to express your true feelings and thoughts, and that your partner has the same level of confidence in you.

Your self-image includes your beauty, sense of accomplishment, education, profession, and health. You may be hesitant to be yourself if you have a bad self-image. Even if your partner is not critical of you, you may believe he or she is. If you are insecure, your spouse will be unable to assist you unless you express your feelings. Focus on what you can do, what you’re excellent at, and what makes you proud if you want to improve your self-image. When you’re confident, you’re more likely to get along with your partner and accomplish more.

It is far more vital to listen than it is to speak. The majority of us are poor listeners. Couples must learn to pay attention to more than simply the words said. Your goal is to comprehend your partner’s feelings and thoughts. When your partner explains why he or she is upset, restate what you think you heard to make sure you understand what is really being said. Then you can convey your own ideas.

Make it clear to your partner that you are interested in what he or she is thinking and doing. Make a sincere effort to comprehend your partner’s feelings. Don’t think you already know everything.

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Attempting to read your spouse’s mind, or expecting your partner to read yours, might lead to further complications. You may feel insulted even though your companion isn’t saying anything bad. For instance, your partner may inform you of someone’s lavish condo and recent promotion. You may believe your partner is chastising you for not earning enough money or for not pursuing a better job.

It appears that you can’t talk about anything without offending each other at times. To prevent bickering and fighting, you cease talking to each other. The quiet of the other partner thus upsets each partner, who perceives it as a punishment. Ask questions and make sure you understand what your companion is saying.

Communication is hampered by pride and stubbornness. We frequently assume that our partners will understand us without our having to say anything. Tell your partner how you feel, what you need, and what you want. Your communication skills need to be improved if you find yourself saying things like “He should know what I want” or “I shouldn’t have to tell her.”

You may be unsure of how to express yourself so that your partner understands how you feel. Learn how to communicate your emotions. Make use of “I’m using “I” language. Consider the following scenario: “I have a feeling…I require…I desire…” This will assist you in expressing yourself without coming across as aggressive. It is not the purpose to make the other person feel guilty, but to make constructive changes.

You don’t call one other names or put each other down when you respect each other. Being respectful entails being courteous and kind. Make your companion aware of the qualities you admire in him or her. Make use of “As freely as you do with strangers, say “please,” “pardon me,” and “thank you” to the person you love.

Touching is something that all people require. Touch may be both sensual and sexual. Hold hands, cuddle up on the couch while watching TV, hug, kiss, bathe together, and massage each other. Take the time to learn about your partner’s preferences. Touching each other frequently also improves sexual closeness.

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Take note of your partner’s priorities. Don’t assume that something that makes you happy will make your partner happy as well. Inquire about the things that make your partner feel cherished.

Take care of each other and don’t take each other for granted. Make surprise phone calls, special dinners, and small tokens of your affection a part of your relationship. The goal is to show that you’re thinking about each other even when you’re not together.

Discuss large, crucial topics like dreams and worries. Tell each other about your lives and how your history has influenced your present. Discuss the bizarre events that occur on a daily basis. Collaborate to tackle problems as they arise. Be adaptable and willing to change. Allow yourself to laugh at yourself. Concentrate on comedy that allows you to laugh together rather than making fun of others.

Ascertain that both you and your partner feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings. Say what you really think and realize that your partner may have a different perspective. If you are being chastised, consider whether the criticism is valid. Were you running late? Have you forgotten something crucial? Apologize if the criticism is justified.

Try to avoid hurtful or rejection-inducing language in your messages. Think about what you’re saying and how you’re saying it. This allows you to communicate in a positive manner with your partner.

A relationship cannot be truly intimate unless both partners are aware of one other’s thoughts and feelings. This entails bringing bitter feelings or conflicts of opinion to the surface, rather than burying them “I have been suffering in quiet.” Don’t be afraid of a fight. Speaking out, figuring out what’s wrong, and then deciding what to do about it as a couple are all indicators of a healthy relationship.

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Determine the true problem. Perhaps you think you’re unhappy because of a recent occurrence, but it’s actually a symptom of something more serious about which you’re worried or angry.

If your anger gets the best of you, take a short break from talking about the problem (from half an hour to no more than 24 hours) and set a specific time to return to it. Take another time-out if the anger returns when the dialogue resumes. This will help you avoid saying things you don’t mean or that aggravate the situation. Be willing to part with something in order to receive something.

If you require assistance, ask for it. Counseling for couples or family therapy can provide methods for dealing with future difficulties. Improving communication skills can assist you in transforming a problematic relationship into a satisfying personal relationship for both of you.

What is intimacy to a man?

In general, intimacy entails getting to know someone well while also feeling well known. It is something that all humans need, and just because males find it more difficult to communicate it doesn’t imply they don’t need or want it.

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy entails cultivating a sense of closeness with your spouse by empathizing, respecting, and communicating about how you and your partner are feeling. Break it down into three sections to increase emotional intimacy: slow down, keep it simple, and reveal what’s difficult to say. Before you talk, think about your feelings, and when you do, contextualize them so you can transmit them as direct and powerful sentences.

Sex or Making Love?

This is where people frequently distinguish between the terms’sex’ and’making love.’ Sex is undeniably a basic bodily act, thus it may be claimed that it is devoid of intimacy. Making love, on the other hand, implies that the physical act is coupled with closeness and a degree of connection.

What do couples talk about at night?

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“Before going to bed, some couples like to chat about their feelings, hopes, desires, and love for one another,” explains Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S via email. “This allows kids to create trust and feel safe and connected to one another.”

How do I communicate with my partner without fighting?

First, be sure you know exactly what you want to get out of the debate. It’s critical to figure out what works best for you so you can get back to a place where the rational half of your brain is working again.

When you’re trapped in that “fight or flight” mode, there are a number of things you may do to re-calibrate.

Listening to music, going for a brief stroll, contacting a friend, or playing with your dog are all options. Everyone’s right answer is different, but it’s critical that you remember this every time you find yourself in a fight.

What makes a man bond to a woman?

In plain English, males typically feel the most loved by the women in their lives when they are hugged, kissed, smiled at, and have specific thanks, praise, and words of affection expressed to them. Men, frequently to a greater extent than women, feel loved and connected through sexuality. Unlike women, who frequently need to feel emotionally connected before they can feel sexually attached, men often need to feel sexually connected before they can feel emotionally connected. Furthermore, when there is novelty and adventure in a relationship, some men feel deeper sentiments of attachment and connection.

How do you know a guy is emotionally attached?

Emotional attachment takes time to develop. It takes time and happens in phases in a healthy relationship. The friend attachment is the initial stage. He genuinely cares about you, but only on a spiritual level. In other words, he just wants to be friends with you at this point. You’re not doing anything romantic; you’re hanging out with mutual friends, and your communication with each other is minimal, with the exception of a text here and there to see what your circle of pals is up to this weekend. When you see each other around other people, there’s no jealousy; you’re there to have a good time.

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The second stage is physical attraction, which is primarily based on appearance and chemistry. You’re attracted to each other and act on it, indicating that your relationship has progressed to the point of becoming physically intimate, or at the very least flirtatious. You’re kissing, holding hands, or flirting. Other than physical interaction with each other, there isn’t much depth at this level.

Finally, we have emotional attachment, which is the final stage of attachment when you and your partner are on the verge of forming a deep and meaningful relationship. You tell each other humorous work experiences and talk about unpleasant days when everything seemed to go wrong. You chat about your childhood aspirations and your future plans. Hours seem to pass in a flash, and discussions flow smoothly from one to the next.

Casual acquaintances can be transformed into significant partnerships by the feeling of intimacy and closeness you have for someone. This emotional bond can make a person feel valued, appreciated, and content.

Let’s look at some of the indications now that we’ve defined what emotional connection is.

When a man is emotionally attached to you, he will go to great lengths to express his affections. He’ll drive two hours to see you; he’ll pick up your favorite food “just because,” he’ll fix that leaky faucet or replace the oil on your car repeatedly. And he’ll never tire of wanting to please you; in fact, he eagerly anticipates the next opportunity to assist you. He’s looking forward to being your knight in shining armor and assisting you. Do you have weeds that need to be pulled? Did you use house paint? Do you need to go to the supermarket to get some groceries for dinner? He’ll always be there for you, no matter what.

You’ll get a lot of communication from him, whether it’s by phoning, texting, or chatting. Why? Because you’re on his mind all the time, and all he wants is to hear your voice or receive a text or message from you. He’s invested in you emotionally, therefore he’ll make time for you. This is especially true for males, who are prone to focusing on the things that matter most to them, and one of the most common ways they do it is by taking time out of their day to communicate with you.

3. He’d like you to meet his family and friends.

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Unlike friend attachment, when you both hang out with mutual friends, emotional attachment involves him wanting you to meet his personal friends and family, as well as him wanting to meet yours. This is a good sign that he thinks you’ll be around for a long time.

4. He Appreciates the Opportunity to Spend Time With You

He enjoys not only spending time with you, but spending a lot of time with you. This is one of the most evident signals that he cares about you. He’ll devote his leisure time to you, which he generally spends relaxing and socializing with his friends and family. When it comes to his relationships, you’ve now become his top priority.

5. He Recalls Important Information

If a man cares about you, he will recall all of your crucial details. This might contain all of your major dates, as well as your favorite flower or the date clothing you wore.

When they are sincerely interested in someone, guys, like women, may be tremendously loving and charming. They will go to great lengths to ensure that they remember everything in order for you to feel valued and loved.

6. He Lets His Guard Down And Opens Up

Most guys have been socialized to believe that expressing their emotions is unmanly. Men frequently pull the wall up around their hearts and minds as a result of this perplexing concept.

A previous relationship or other concerns might often inhibit guys from fully opening up or placing themselves in vulnerable situations.

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If you are truly special to him, though, he will open up and let his guard down and share his feelings with you. Because he feels he is in a secure atmosphere and is valued, he will speak his thoughts and feelings without hesitation or fear.

He’s not just emotionally linked to you, but he’s also in love with you if he feels close enough to let down his guard.

If you ask most guys, they will tell you that they are fearful of committing to the wrong woman, not of committing to the wrong woman. If the person you’re seeing is pressuring you to commit, it’s an indication that he’s emotionally invested in you to the point that he believes you’re the one.

8. He seeks your opinion.

It’s a well-known fact that asking for directions is like pulling teeth for guys. Asking for guidance is the same way. Many guys consider seeking guidance to be a sign of weakness. If he asks you a question, he not only trusts your answer, but he also knows he can come to you with any problem. Your opinion matters to him, whether it’s on what tie to wear to his job interview or what color to paint his house, and he wants to incorporate you in his life by asking for your ideas.

A man who is emotionally attached to a woman will defend her even if it means losing his closest friends and family members. This is due to the fact that when a man is emotionally invested in you, he will instinctively try to protect you.

When things are sour, he doesn’t abandon you.

If a man sticks around and is there for you during the difficult times, this is a positive indication that he is emotionally devoted to you. When things are tough, a man who isn’t emotionally attached to you is more likely to abandon you, but a man who cares about you will stick around and be there for you through thick and thin, good and bad times.

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Use these easy techniques to “lock-in” a man’s commitment to you, and to make him love you FOREVER!

There is a healthy emotional attachment and an unhealthy emotional attachment, just as there is a healthy emotional attachment and an unhealthy emotional attachment.

When an attachment becomes compulsive, it is called obsessive attachment. People in dysfunctional relationships typically continue the relationship despite their pain and suffering, appearing unable to leave it. Even though they don’t love each other, they feel connected. They exhibit codependency, which exacerbates the unfavorable emotional bond. Here are some symptoms that you may be developing an unhealthy emotional attachment:

  • If they don’t contact you on a regular basis, you might assume they’ve lost interest in you.
  • You put your family, friends, and interests on hold for them, with no justification.

It is a wonderful and caring thing to have a healthy emotional bond. However, if the emotional attachment becomes an obsession or concern, it may be time to seek professional help from a mental health provider.

What kills intimacy in a relationship?

It might be difficult for some couples to achieve closeness in their relationships. Others may notice that after intimacy is achieved, it seems to fade away. There are a variety of reasons why some people have trouble achieving closeness in their relationships. This is frequently caused by issues such as:

  • Communication problems – if you and your partner don’t communicate your feelings and needs to each other, they’re unlikely to be met. Intimacy is difficult to achieve or sustain if you do not feel understood by your companion. It’s critical to communicate your needs to your spouse and to check in with them on how they’re doing. This gesture alone might give you a sense of belonging and intimacy.
  • Disagreement – It can be difficult to create intimacy in a relationship where there is continual conflict. It’s difficult to feel connected to someone with whom you’re having a disagreement. Anger, hurt, resentment, a lack of trust, or a feeling of unappreciation can all have an impact on intimacy. If your relationship is suffering from tension, get help:

How To Capture His Heart And Make Him Fall For You

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