How To Be A Brat To Your Boyfriend

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What is bratty in a relationship?

I, a petite Asian lady, have always had a tendency to offset the likely perception of myself as quietly subservient and accommodating with actions signaling the polar opposite, much like a terribly small man retaining a Napoleon complex to counter his stunted stature.

Early on, I developed a cheeky attitude and a slight disrespect for all things “other people,” thanks to the strong combination of a solitary upbringing and the influence of a father who may or may not have suffered from short man syndrome. I’d practice eye-rolls in the girls’ bathroom mirror when I was five years old, so I could incorporate them into the sarcastic confrontations and contempt I planned to levy on fellow kindergarteners at recess. I was only motivated to continue my saucy ways as I grew in age and understanding of matters beyond me, myself, and I, some of which were matters surrounding race, sex, and their intersections, terrified that if I let up on the sass and misconduct for even a second, I would appease the biased and repressive stereotyping I felt I was constantly sprinting away from. Consider my key personality traits by the start of high school: a resting bitch face established by third grade, a reputation for being “nice but kinda mean sometimes” widely endorsed among friends and acquaintances by my tweens, and an overly strong impulse to express disagreement and criticism at the first opportunity. As uneasy as I am about expanding this very immature serial into the world of my sex life, there’s no doubt it’ll end up there.

In sexual interactions, I’ve nearly always assumed the role of the submissive, but the nature of that submission has evolved as I’ve learned more about what I enjoy and want. I’ve recently started to “brat.” “Brat” is defined as “a type of bdsm label, in which a sub (in most cases) enjoys misbehaving to the (dom, caretaker, etc.) for attention and penalties,” according to Urban Dictionary. I’d say that, depending on the partner and the situation, I now alternate between submissive and bratty conduct, with my actions frequently falling somewhere in the middle.

The innumerable occasions in my more distant past of slavish obedience to boys frighteningly eager about fucking my unmoving body, only convinced me of the hidden ubiquity of necrophilia, are very counterintuitive, I know, given my lifetime objective of avoiding any perception as a passive mute. You see, just as I’ve never wanted to be perceived as a sub in general, I’ve never wanted to be viewed as a sub by only ever taking on that role in bed. I definitely had a yearning for something different during my more submissive period, something that gave me more power but not at the expense of the other party’s dominance. The truth is that I am more drawn to sexually powerful men who also desire to be in a position of slight authority. That urge was quickly identified as my desire to get control of the psychological playing field on which women have traditionally triumphed over the unreasonably emotional animals that make up the majority of humanity. Bratting gives me a special kind of control, control on a more emotional level, that the other person can’t have without jeopardizing their physical advantage. This creates a sphere with two power gradients that are antiparallel to one another. And as I stimulate one with mocking, taunting, chuckling, and resistance, I provoke the other to become more vitalized, inspiring him to exert even more physical domination. I see my influence overrun his psyche and, in turn, unroll itself across the entire interaction, defining the honest course of events. His side of activity is just a series of physical responses to my snide comments and minor acts of disobedience.

It’s crucial to stress that this is my approach to bratting, both in terms of what I do and how I think about it, and that it’s not the only or official way to do it. These are the attitudes with which I consider brat play in my personal quest of the seemingly impossible scenario in which I get to fuck a guy exuding dominance uncompromisingly without having to act the part of a standard s-type. Many others take a very different approach, driven by completely distinct thought processes and personal goals. As a result, I extend a friendly invitation to try it for yourself not only to individuals who share my beliefs and interests, but also to anyone who believes they would benefit in some way from giving brat play a try.

What is bratty behavior?

A child can express himself “No!” — and they’ll say it in the most sneering tone imaginable — but that doesn’t mean you have to follow or accept it. The spoiled youngster has a strong aversion to not getting her way. She disobeys your commands and ignores when you say “no” or “no.” “Pause.” This frequently prompts parents to devise a compensation plan. You’ve raised a top-notch manipulator when your daughter accepts more bribes than a crooked politician.

How to deal with it: Stop sweetening the bargain, and you’ll see a reduction in defiance. Instead, thank your children for good behavior by giving them a treat. The finest prize is being able to spend quality time with you.

What is an example of a brat?

A brat is defined as a difficult-to-manage child or a child from a military household. A brat is a child who throws a tantrum every five minutes or so. An example of a Navy brat is the daughter of a Navy ensign. A child; offspring (in a derogatory sense).

Why do kids turn into brats?

“You never seem to talk about discipline in terms of teaching appropriate behavior. These children can be brats at times, and they must be informed of this. I’m not saying shouting is a good thing, but yelling and other measures other than hugs aren’t required.” Erica –

Actually, the Aha! Parenting website has over a thousand pages of examples illustrating how to teach acceptable behavior with empathetic bounds, so if these postings aren’t giving you enough examples, go to the Aha! website and look around. I’m hoping you’ll experience an Aha! moment, which would be something like this:

That doesn’t mean you won’t be frustrated with your child at times, especially if they know what they should do but don’t. Even worse is provocative conduct, which occurs when a youngster intentionally acts negatively, which some parents refer to as “bratty” behavior. To be fair, most parents have wondered if yelling or using force may help “teach” their children good behavior.


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But the fundamental fact is that children desire to protect their relationship with us above all else, as long as it does not jeopardize their own integrity. If your child is acting like a “brat,” she’s either indicating that she needs a better connection with you, that she has some major feelings that she needs your help with, or that she won’t be able to reach your expectations without some individualized support. After all, we teach good behavior through support (along with modeling) since it is what helps children learn and inspires them to cooperate.

So, given that Aha! moment, what’s the most effective approach to turn “bratty” behavior into cooperative behavior?

  • Playing with the youngster can help him deal with the feelings that are preventing him from collaborating.
  • Crying might help the youngster deal with the feelings that are preventing him from participating.

“Laura, Dr…. When I bring my kid home, I tell her that when we walk inside, she must remove her shoes. She will frequently dash to the couch and climb onto it while wearing her shoes. I know she does it because she knows she shouldn’t, and I’ve warned her that if she doesn’t get down, she’ll get a timeout. Normally, she is given a timeout. When she does something like this, I can’t help but reply. What other options do I have besides a timeout?” Eden –

Have high expectations for the child’s behavior.

This is, without a doubt, a successful tactic. If we give up and let our child to jump on the couch while wearing her shoes, she will undoubtedly do so. However, this method only works if we set age-appropriate expectations and enforce them consistently, joyfully, and empathically. If the child is aware of the age-appropriate expectation but still fails to satisfy it, she either requires assistance with the tangled emotions that prevent her from cooperating or she requires a stronger connection with us so that she WISHES to comply.

Ignore the behavior.

This is useful for short-term problems that you can live with. If your child is behaving out because he is hungry, for example, you may satisfy his need and he will return to his cheerful self. You could express your displeasure with his inappropriate behavior in a nonjudgmental manner: “You’re so hungry that you’re getting irritable… Let’s take a deep breath and grab you some food! “However, you don’t have to make a huge deal out of it. On the other hand, ignoring your child’s frequent attempts to test your limits by leaping on the couch will not help. She’s pleading with you to intervene and assist her.

Scream and Shout.

This is often referred to as a “parental tantrum.” Except to the extent that it terrifies your youngster into instant cooperation, it is never an effective approach in enforcing your expectations. We all know that when someone in an adult relationship has a “tantrum,” the relationship suffers. When we do it with our children, the connection suffers as a result. Unfortunately, this causes children to act out even more frequently over time. Screaming is a sign that you’ve descended into the pits of parenting, into a state of fight or flight, and are viewing your child as an adversary. No matter how unattractive he appears, our child is never the enemy. He’s a very young human with an underdeveloped brain who is requesting your assistance.



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This can occasionally put an end to “bratty” behavior right away. However, because it is a symbolic desertion, it works. After all, your child’s survival depends on your presence. Putting her in timeout implies that you could remove your love and even your presence at any time, leaving your child vulnerable. You’re reassuring her that you’re not there to assist her cope with her distressing feelings, which are causing her to act out. Because most children aren’t docile enough to go to time out willingly, power clashes arise, which can infect your entire relationship. And as children grow older, it stops functioning, leaving a bitter youngster who refuses to comply rather than one who WISHES to collaborate. Worst of all, perhaps? It has no effect on poor behavior. It may halt the precise behavior you’re trying to curb, but it also makes your child upset, which causes them to act out in other ways.

Tailored support so the child can meet your expectations.

Perhaps he requires a heads-up about the impending transition. To diffuse the tension about being pushed around, you could want to play a game that gets her giggling about authority and compliance. Perhaps he requires a task to complete when he enters the house in order to feel powerful. Perhaps you might perform some bonding before entering the house so she will want to follow your lead. Perhaps you should cover the couch with an old sheet for a while to keep it clean. If your frequent reminders that kids must remove their shoes before sitting on the couch are ineffective, try:

Setting empathic limits

Our priorities are not shared by our children. Why would they want to? They have their own set of priorities (jumping on the sofa is entertaining!) and have no concept of our worldview (couches cost money). So it’s our job to guide them all day, every day. “Shoes get the couch dirty… no shoes on the couch,” says the narrator. The more solid and constant you are, the easier it will be for your youngster to accept your limit, mourn it, and move on. Your child will accept your restrictions without needing to rebel against them if you are empathic.

Because it channels the energy, redirection is the most effective technique to halt the activity. “That appears to be a lot of fun! And you’re well aware that jumping on the couch is not a good idea. Come on, get off the sofa. Let’s go to the basement and jump on the old mattress.”

All children will test boundaries to see if they are firm. That means you’ll have to stay with her when you enter the house for the time being and assist her in removing her shoes before she heads for the couch. It will eventually become a habit, and neither of you will even notice.

But what if she darts away from you and sprints to the couch before you can remove her shoes? She’s letting you know that something is preventing her from cooperating with you. What? Emotions. Kids hold their emotions in reserve, waiting for a safe opportunity to express them in the presence of a loving witness. You’re the one. You can prevent “bad” conduct from starting if you get to the core of these tangled emotions.


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You can certainly make her “dump” her emotions by yelling at her or punishing her. She’ll eventually give in—until she’s old enough to revolt. The adolescent years will not be pleasant. And you’ll never be as connected to this person you brought into the world as you could be.

You can also assist her in dealing with her emotions. That will make it easier for her to cooperate with your plans. It will instill emotional intelligence in her. As she grows older, she will be better able to match your expectations. It will also bring you closer together. How? When you have the opportunity, play. When you need to cry, cry.

Help the child with the feelings that are keeping him from cooperating — Play when you can.

Say after me: Take a deep breath and repeat after me: “It isn’t a life or death situation. We can have some fun with this.”

To persuade her to laugh, keep your tone light and humorous. “Please pardon me?! Are you still wearing your shoes on that couch?! We’ll see what we can do! I’m the sofa protector, and I get my girl every time!” Scoop her up and sling her over your shoulder, giggling. Take her shoes off and discard them where they belong as you run around the house with her. Sing a ridiculous song about how much you adore her and how you’ll never abandon her. Continue dropping her on the couch and picking her up. Finally, collapsing on the couch for a good snuggle is a must.

Tell her you want to play the game again the next time you come in the house, but first she has to take her shoes off with you, right inside the door.

Change the game’s tone from one of rebellion to one of reunion and joy. You can use it whenever you need to stop “bad” conduct. Almost as much as sobbing, giggling relieves unpleasant feelings. It also increases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, so you and your child are connecting when you laugh together.

Help the child with the feelings that are keeping him from cooperating — Cry when you have to.


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What happens if she doesn’t laugh? She won’t let you take off her shoes? Is he irritable and defiant? She’s not a kid anymore. Her provocative behavior is her way of telling you that she just needs to cry and let out all those suppressed emotions. Isn’t it much better if she could just say something? “I constantly feel like someone is telling me what to do, Mom… It irritates me to no end!”

But, because she can’t TELL you how she feels, she SHOWS you with her resistance.

Gather all of your compassion. Take a deep breath and look her in the eyes. Set a firm and courteous limit. “Sweetie, you’re well aware that shoes soil the couch. I’m not going to let you sit on the couch in your shoes.”

She may break down in tears if you’re able to remain compassionate. (If you take this personally and become enraged, there’s no way you’ll cry; you’ll just end up in a fight.) If she’ll let you, hold her while she sobs. Don’t say much; just assure her that she is safe. Remember that the tears are there behind the rage if she lashes out. She only wants to feel a little more secure before she lets them out.

With your calm compassion, you provide a sense of security in the present. With connection and empathy, as well as play and physical connection, you develop safety in all of your encounters with your child. This leads us to:


I agree that hugs aren’t our only tool for reuniting and fostering harmony. They are, nevertheless, our most useful. Hugs help youngsters WANT to collaborate by healing the separation that causes so much of their misbehavior. Hugs soothe the child’s irritability and anger, allowing her to cry and express the feelings that are causing her to act out. They also remind us that our child is our adored, even if he is acting “bratty.”


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Hugs take our child back up onto the high road with us after he’s fallen off the high road. Hugs aren’t a replacement for constant empathy and regular one-on-one reconnection time with your child, but they are necessary for him to grow and want to cooperate.

“Many behavioral issues stem from a sense of disconnection. Isolation, time outs, humiliation, punching, slapping, threatening, scolding, or withdrawal of love are common responses to “poor behavior.” These reactions exacerbate the distance, which is why they are ineffective.” – Lawrence Cohen, Ph.D.

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