How To Deal With A Controlling Boyfriend

How to Deal With a Controlling Husband in 10 Easy Steps

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What are the signs of a controlling boyfriend?

Sure, any relationship takes time and may need you to reorganize your priorities. Maybe you don’t spend every weeknight committed to work or all weekend brunching and binge-watching Vanderpump Rules with your girlfriends. However, if your boyfriend is controlling, he may not only detest you spending time with other key people in your life, but he may even try to turn you against them (“Your mother sure treats you like garbage”), leading you to believe the distance is a good thing, according to Bruneau. Take notice right now.

Why is my boyfriend controlling?

When you have a controlling partner, you may expect them to behave in a variety of ways, from mild to excessive. Controlling conduct is frequently the result of your controlling partner’s inability to control things in his own life. As a result, your lover is in control of your life, giving him the impression that he is in charge of something significant. This scenario, however, frequently backfires when your controlling partner tries to take control of your entire life and decision-making processes.

How do I get rid of a controlling boyfriend?

2. Put together your support system in any way you can.

If you’ve been in a controlling relationship for a long time, there’s a good probability that your partner has purposefully isolated you from your friends and family. He or she may have objected to particular interactions and wanted to tighten his or her grip on you by reducing the amount of “outsiders” you interacted with. Furthermore, your embarrassment or discomfort with the problematic aspects of your relationship may have caused you to portray a rosier picture of your relationship to friends and family than was genuine. You might be afraid or embarrassed to tell them what’s actually going on. Take a big breath and go ahead and do it anyway. If you want to make changes, it’s critical that you build your bonds with trustworthy friends and family members who can guide you through the process. The more people who actually have your back, whether it’s a sister or a coworker, a neighbor or an old, dear friend, the better off you’ll be. A trusted doctor or member of the clergy — or, of course, a therapist — are just a few of the professionals who can assist.

3. Create a map of many paths and scenarios.

Make short- and long-term strategies and goals more specific. What financial procedures do you need to take if you’re intending to quit a household? Where will you spend the night? What items or belongings do you need to bring with you? What legal (and, if required, physical) protection would you have if your partner refuses to leave if you ask them to? How long would you give them to comply if you issue an ultimatum, such as seeking counseling together? How will you keep children emotionally and physically safe if there are children involved, and what will you tell them? What will you say to your partner’s family or common friends? None of these questions are meant to scare you or stun you into inaction; on the contrary, the more you can anticipate the logistical obstacles of the changes you want to make, the less likely they are to put a stop to the process. Power is equal to preparedness and predictability.

4. Take care of yourself.

It might be difficult to decide whether to confront a spouse about controlling behavior or to leave the relationship. As with many things in life, doing the right thing isn’t always easy. There are few periods in your life when it is more critical to pay attention to your eating, sleeping, and mental health, as well as maintaining your strength. Of course, the terrible irony is that this is also the time when eating, sleeping, and emotional wellness are pushed to the bottom of a seemingly endless list of worries that must be addressed first. But don’t put your health on the back burner. It might be as simple as taking a five-minute stroll, meditating, or listening to a music you enjoy. Alternatively, it could be ensuring that you stick to the wine in your glass and prevent the hangover that comes with finishing the bottle. Overall, it will be the modest everyday efforts of taking care of yourself that will make a significant impact throughout this difficult period.

5. Really reach out and ask for support.

You’ve already figured out who your backers are. Keep them informed and specific about what you require. After however long you’ve been in a domineering relationship, having someone consider your feelings and needs above their own might be downright unsettling; many people in your situation avoid truly asking for help. Or they convey their story and then forget about it when their buddies don’t follow up. Inquire of those you trust for whatever assistance you believe they can provide. Many times, they will be grateful for the details, as those who are witnessing their loved ones go through this are frequently unsure of what to say or do. This is what friends are for: letting your loved one stay the night, sharing dinner with you, helping you install a new door lock, or simply being “on call” for a few minutes of phone conversation and support. However, it is up to you to inquire.

How do you fix a controlling relationship?

Make some of the decisions regarding what the two of you do together to have more influence over the relationship. Consider your own thoughts and make plans with your own buddies once more. When you take a stand, watch your partner’s reaction.

What causes a person to be controlling?

Controlling behavior is influenced by a number of factors. Anxiety disorders and personality disorders are the most common. Anxiety sufferers feel compelled to exert control over their surroundings in order to feel at ease. They might not be able to put their trust in anyone else to handle things the way they will.

Controlling behaviors can be a symptom of a variety of personality disorders, including histrionic personality, borderline personality, and narcissistic personality, among others. Only a licensed practitioner can diagnose these illnesses.

What Are relationship red flags?

Excessive jealousy and dishonesty are both red flags in a relationship. You should be weary of a partner who constantly criticizes or dismisses you. A refusal to compromise is another huge warning signal — relationships should not be one-sided.

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is defined as “any relationship that does not support each other, where there is conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there is competition, where there is disrespect, and where there is a lack of cohesiveness,” according to Dr. Lillian Glass, a California-based communication and psychology expert who claims to have coined the term in her 1995 book Toxic People.

When a man is controlling and insecure?

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1. Managing one’s actions. Controlling conduct is one of the most typical signs of insecurity among guys. This can include demeaning or putting you down, isolating you from friends and family, continually guilting you, a lack of trust, emphasizing their duty as your “protector,” and so on.

When you break up with a controlling man?

Leaving and never looking back is the greatest method to get away from a domineering partner. You may adore them, but you will never be able to change them. In the end, you’ll be the one who suffers, and by the time you know it, it may be too late or too difficult to escape without being physically harmed.

How do you break controlling behavior?

Anxiety and fear are common causes of controlling behaviors. It’s normal to desire to control things when they feel out of control in order to feel safe (or happy or content). But, of course, we have no influence over other people or circumstances. As a result, our efforts don’t make us feel any better. Controlling habits, on the other hand, frequently cause problems in our relationships and make us feel dissatisfied and worried. (Please keep in mind that being overly controlling of your relationship or loved ones can be abusive and an attempt to gain power over others.)

Controlling and perfectionism

Controlling is a typical trait of codependency, and it stems from childhood experiences in homes where things were unpredictable, terrifying, and out of control. Controlling is linked to perfectionism as well (which is also rooted in anxiety and fear). Perfectionists also seek predictability; they are risk adverse, want to know if they can succeed at something before attempting it, are stiff and worried, and are demanding and critical of themselves (and often of others, too).

Students who must achieve an A+ on every paper, or those who suffer with disordered food and body image, are examples of perfectionists who try to regulate themselves and hold themselves to impossible high standards. People are more concerned with managing others and holding them to impossible standards (nagging, criticizing). And some of us are capable of doing both.

How to stop being controlling

Face your fears head on. Because controlling behaviors are motivated by fear, we must first establish what we’re afraid of and whether it’s a realistic fear:

  • What do you fear will happen if you can’t keep this situation or person under control?

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We frequently exaggerate both the severity of the consequence and the likelihood of it occurring. However, horrible things do happen, and there isn’t much we can do about them. In this circumstance, we must accept what is within your power.

Acceptance should be practiced. Accepting that we can only control ourselves relieves us of the stress and obligation of ensuring that everyone and everything runs well. However, when you crave control and are nervous, this is difficult to achieve.

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