How To Talk About The Future With Your Boyfriend

Certain questions are entirely appropriate—and even necessary—to ask at different stages of a relationship:

When it comes to spending, saving, and planning for the future, what is your philosophy?

However, if asked too soon or too late, such questions can lead to a slew of interpersonal and personal issues. So, here are some ideas for deciding when and how to bring up the important questions.

There’s clearly an issue with asking large questions too soon. If you start addressing the “serious” concerns before you’ve gotten far enough into the relationship, you can scare the other person away. If he or she believes that all you want is a marriage partner—any marriage partner—rather than the right person with whom to be happy, they may not stay long enough to discover what a wonderful person you are. Wait if you have an inkling that it’s too soon or that you and your partner aren’t quite at the same emotional engagement level in the relationship.

This is a less obvious topic, but there is such a thing as waiting too long to have the major conversations. After all, you don’t want to fall in love with someone, commit to a long-term relationship with them, only to discover that you aren’t compatible in the areas that are most important to you. In fact, waiting too long to address these concerns is irresponsible since it exposes both of you to unneeded pain.

Regrettably, there is no magic timetable for when it is appropriate to address significant issues. We can’t tell you to wait three weeks (or three months) after you start dating or until you’ve had 19 dates. All we can suggest is that you think about the situation and how the other person could react if you brought up such topics at the time. It’s critical to follow your gut and utilize your best judgment. For example, if you’re a 35-year-old woman who knows she wants children, you might not want to invest time in a relationship just to find out he’s not interested in starting a family. As a result, certain questions may need to be asked early in your case. Children, on the other hand, may not be an issue for you at all. There’s no need to rush to get this subject on the table in that case.

It actually depends on the situation, but a good rule of thumb is that you should discuss the big questions when you feel things are getting more serious for both of you. Don’t wait until the relationship has progressed to the point of being serious, and don’t do it after only one or two dates. When you can see that the relationship is improving, though, it’s generally a good moment to address the difficulties. Remember that you don’t have to wait for “the right opportunity” to bring up the problems that are important to you. Allow the questions to come in a way that is comfortable for both of you as this component of your relationship develops over time.

Make every effort to avoid inducing a dialogue. Allow things to happen spontaneously instead. For example, you might be curious about how many children the other person desires. You might ask something like, “Do you love being in a big family?” when you hear about his or her siblings and realize that he or she comes from a large family. Does that make you want to start your own big family?” The less pressure your partner will feel, the more easily you may enable information to surface as part of your typical conversation.

When you ask your queries, try not to make them seem too serious. It’s not that the conversation needs to be light, but you might not want to say, “We need to have a serious talk about how we’re going to save for our retirement,” especially if you’re still new to the relationship. Instead, simply state something along the lines of, “I don’t like how much of my paycheck goes toward my retirement, but saving is vital to me.” After then, the other person can answer in a way that feels natural to them.

Being the subject of an interrogation is the last thing anyone wants to do. So, instead of interrogating your companion, think of your talk as an investigation. You’ll both have a lot more fun with the conversation if you concentrate on learning about each other rather than trying to administer or pass a test.

Again, there are situations when you should not divulge too much information too soon. However, after you’ve developed a level of trust and intimacy in your relationship, it’s critical that you reveal each other who you truly are and what means most to you. If you believe the time has come to discuss the future, be as honest and open as possible. Granted, you might notice some substantial disparities that make you wonder if you and your partner are compatible enough to construct a future together. But, if that’s the case, don’t you want to hear about it as soon as possible? Furthermore, you may discover that you and your partner are much more compatible than you previously thought!

Before You Continue…

Does he REALLY like you? Take this quick quiz to find out! Find out what he REALLY thinks, and how strong his feelings for you are. Start the quiz now!

Is it okay to talk about the future with your boyfriend?

When you talk about the future with someone, you have to know where they stand on the fundamental issues. “At first, I advocate talking about your values and objectives for the future with a group of people rather than just your spouse to see if they are on the same page,” Spira advises.

How long before relationship says about future?

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If you’re ready to make the leap, there’s no need to wait six months or two years to start talking about it. You can bring it up subtly by talking about the future in general: What are their thoughts on people living together before getting married? Do they envision themselves residing in the same cities or states as you? That way, you can make sure you and your partner are on the same page before packing up your belongings.

How soon is too soon to say LOVE YOU?

According to statistics from 6,000 people published with mindbodygreen by OKCupid in 2020, 62% of people believe you should declare “I love you” “as soon as you feel it,” while 22% believe you should wait “several months” and 3% believe you should wait “at least a year.” Men, on average, take three months to express “I love you,” according to studies.

How do you start a conversation in the future?

You might not know how to express a delicate matter or tough topic in a relationship. It’s easy to say nothing at all, yet skirting the matter isn’t helpful to anyone. Awkward Conversations gives you a framework for what to say — and what not to say — and why, so you can have challenging conversations without escalating into full-fledged conflicts.

Every relationship comes to an end at some point. You must take a seat and use the capital-T. Discuss your future plans as a pair. It may sound like the worst scenario imaginable — both boring and frightening — but it’s the only way to find out if you’re on the same page!

The difficulty with the Talk is that it can be cruel (a casual flip of phrase can easily injure your companion). It’s also really inconvenient. Fortunately, you’ve come upon a useful guide for navigating the discussion without too many casualties!

Don’t Be Vague About What You Want From The Relationship

“I’m not sure about the future; I guess I’ll need some more time to decide. I’m not sure what I want us to become.”

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If that’s how you feel about the connection, it’s fine to be vague and noncommittal. Do you think this person has the potential for a long-term relationship? Is it something that is now convenient for you? Are you planning a surprise move to Iceland in two months? Do you have a strong conviction that she isn’t the one?

Tell her if this is the case. Don’t act as if you’ll change your mind or that you need more time to think things through! It’ll simply encourage her to keep going and prolong her pain.

Relax if you’re frightened you’ll crush her. We promise you can be honest without being brutal (just be careful with the honesty!) When it comes to tact and grace, a little goes a long way. Assure her that you’re paying attention to her requirements.

“The problem is that I have to relocate for job in two months. I’m really enjoying this time with you, but given the circumstances, I’m not sure I want to commit to a long-distance relationship. What are your thoughts? What’s the matter with your head? I want to be completely honest with you so that no one is harmed.”

Conversely, if you think she’s the one, let her know! It’d be just as bad if you were the one who got hurt because she didn’t see a future with you.

Hypotheticals Are A Good Way To Keep The Talk Light

You don’t have to ask your lover a specific question “How do you see my future with you?” For her, that’s a very stressful formulation.

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Instead, consider the following: “Do you think you’d want to marry if you met the right person someday? What kind of person do you envision yourself marrying? Is it a deal-breaker for you if your prospective husband converts to your religion?”

Talk about what you or she would do if X or Y happened in a careful manner. Instead of talking about your companion, talk about “my future bride” or “my future partner” in a roundabout way. This relieves a lot of stress for you both while still allowing you to be open and honest! You can now tell each other what kind of life or partner you’d like to have in the future.

Don’t Freak Out Immediately If You Two Differ On Certain Things

She wants to have children but does not believe in marriage. You’re ready to pop the question, but you don’t want to start a family! Whew. What a nightmare it is to discover that your partner has completely different life objectives and desires than you!

Please wait a moment. If you’re afraid or anxious, don’t say anything. Try not to react to whatever she says with a knee-jerk reaction. Take a deep breath, wait for each other, and give each other time to clarify or elaborate. Make positive statements rather than quick judgments.

“Hmm. I believe I want different things, but I’d like to chat more about it and see if there’s any opportunity for compromise afterwards! Let’s see where we have room to compromise.”

What may appear to be a deal breaker now may not be in the future – couples frequently modify their thoughts or ambitions to fit their partners! People’s minds change all the time: she may choose to live in Hawaii now, but tomorrow she may seek for jobs in an entirely other city. Before you write off the connection, at least wait to see whether this is a possibility.

Discuss Timelines

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“I’m not in a position to get married anytime soon – I don’t believe I’m financially stable enough for it, at least for the next few years.”

Yes, talking about marriage and children is unpleasant and frightening. However, burying your head in the sand like an ostrich is not the answer! Don’t be scared to admit that you aren’t yet ready for X or Y. (Otherwise, you’ll leave your three-year girlfriend wondering if you’ll ever propose to her.)

Provide a timeline of sorts for relationship milestones to soften the impact. In six months, you might consider moving in with her. Perhaps you’ll be ready to talk about babies in exactly 1.7 years! Whatever it is, you need to keep her informed about your progress and understand where she is coming from.

You Don’t Have To Figure Everything Out In One Conversation

Don’t put too much emphasis on this discussion! It’s fine to say things like “Let’s talk more about this later” or “Hey, how do you feel about revisiting this conversation in a few months?”

When you bring up the future, it’s almost like breaking a taboo: every subsequent conversation about it will be lot simpler. Everything should go easily as long as you both listen to each other, are honest and communicative, and are willing to try to compromise! Best of luck!

What are some topics to talk about in a relationship?

It makes no difference whether you’re in a new relationship or have been married for a long time. These topics will not only help you become closer to your partner, but they will also provide you ideas for conversation when you feel like you’ve run out of things to talk about. You can always improve and repeat them because you and your spouse will always have different responses each time they arise. You’ll never run out of topics to talk about this way.

Plans for the weekend (or a vacation)

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It doesn’t matter if it’s a tense Monday evening or a tense Thursday evening. You’ll both have something interesting to look forward to if you talk about your weekend plans. It will also inspire you to work hard and get through the week with zeal. Planning ahead of time for a vacation or a little escape gives you something to talk about and consider. So get ready!

Work

A simple “how did your day go?” followed by an honest response can lead to a conversation you’ll both remember. And there’s never a dull moment when it comes to employment. These chats will help you both understand one other’s professional sides better, from a strange colleague to a nasty supervisor to the chores you have to perform.

Sex

Intimacy in the bedroom is just as crucial as romantic gestures. Discuss what gets you on, positions or toys you’d like to try, sexually sensitive areas, secret dreams, and anything else sex-related. This will be both exhilarating and revealing at the same time, and you’ll learn new things about each other as a result. This, however, includes issues in bed. If you don’t speak up about them, they’ll eventually come back to bite you. Discuss it with your spouse if he or she is not performing as expected or if your sex drive has significantly decreased. Think of or recommend new ways to deal with it as a group, and you’ll be one step closer to resolving these challenges.

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