When Your Husband Chooses His Family Over You

In many cultures, marriage is seen as the start of a new life for a couple — it’s the point at which many people decide for good that they’re breaking away from the family they grew up with and starting their own. Married life is typically used as a yardstick for actual adulthood, however elastic that concept may be, and as a result, it’s frequently seen to be the appropriate time for a child to begin living independently from his or her parents.

Regardless of distance or ideallism, the in-laws are still only a phone call away; marriage is more than simply a relationship between two people; it is a meeting of two families. While it’s true that when we marry our spouse, we also marry our husband’s family, creating proper boundaries with our husband’s family is still an important component of developing a long-lasting marriage. Other people, such as the mother-in-law, father-in-law, or other family members, can cross those limits and intrude on the marriage if boundaries aren’t set.

When you feel insulted by his family, it might be difficult to feel that your husband isn’t standing up for you. A son’s love and care for his family is plainly a bad thing; yet, a husband’s strong relationship with his parents can not only nurture but also positively enlighten a marriage and ensure its durability. After all, if a man respects and treats his mother the same way, he is more likely to appreciate and treat his wife. Furthermore, there may be instances when a husband has choose his family over his wife – a variety of unforeseeable family emergencies can develop, requiring a son’s attention.

However, if the boundaries are shaky and a man’s wife is frequently not his top priority, it can be a major stumbling block in married life, especially if your husband is disrespectful. While it’s not always practical for a wife to expect her husband’s full attention, it may be especially devastating when she doesn’t feel like she’s receiving her due or that their relationship is on the verge of coming apart.

Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why some men prioritize their family over their marriage, and then talk about some healthy options and helpful hints for resolving the issue:

This is especially true for males who grew up with a close relationship with their parents. If you suspect that spending a lot of time with his family is causing a problem in your marriage, talk to your husband about it. If he wants to spend time with his family, you may accompany him when he comes to visit. You might even consider booking family vacations to spend time with your husband’s family so that you can develop your relationship with him while also strengthening your relationship with his family. Alternatively, you can determine when it is okay for him to spend time with his parents.

The “fighting with the in-laws” stereotype isn’t limited to comedy films; conflict between a wife and her mother-in-law, or with a husband’s family in general, isn’t unusual in married life. You may even feel as if you have dealt with law enforcement officials who are discourteous. These disagreements with your husband’s family are acceptable, resolvable, and not hostile, although in-laws can be overly controlling of a husband’s relationship at times. This can be true for small or large issues, and there may be serious arguments with your husband’s family concerning weddings, finances, child-rearing, and property ownership that are tense and divide interests.

Some men may choose to pacify their mothers in these situations in order to keep their heads down and avoid conflict. While this may feel like a betrayal at times, evaluate his point of view and decide whether he’s honestly rejecting your interests and point of view in a choice, or if he’s merely attempting to avoid hurting his family’s relationship. Intra-family conflicts can be delicate, and may necessitate some compromise in order to work with your husband’s family. However, he may be rejecting what’s best for your new household in order to please his parents and his family, which can be a recipe for an unhappy marriage with your husband, and may indicate that he needs to work on setting boundaries.

It’s only natural for a man to love his mother – after all, she was the first woman he ever loved. However, when a boy grows older, his relationship with his mother should mature as well, albeit this is not always the case. With strong attachment, parent-child boundaries are basically nonexistent for a kid who has an immature relationship with his mother — what we may call a mama’s boy. There are clues that your husband thinks his mother’s request is his order. He always agrees to run errands for his mother, take her to the shop, or have lunch with her. Other symptoms that your husband and your mother-in-law have an immature relationship include:

  • Has problems making judgments without his mother, and as a result, you may be expected to baby him.

For the first time in history, according to a Pew Research Center research, men aged 18 to 34 are more likely to live with a parent (35 percent) than with a spouse or partner (28 percent ). This extended living arrangement may reinforce his parents’ strong emotional connection and dependency tendencies, making it difficult for him to shift his attention from his parents to his spouse.

Considerably when they live in separate households, it might be difficult for some men to choose their wife above their parents, but having everyone under one roof makes it even more difficult, and raises the likelihood of him prioritizing his family. Problems may emerge if solid limits are not agreed upon and ingrained ahead of time, and if no emphasis is placed on some degree of independence from the family unit despite physical reliance.

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Here are a few pointers to assist you and your husband get through some of these issues:

Dating and long-term relationships, unlike being single, necessitate regular honesty and communication. The first step is to express your feelings openly to your husband. It’s critical that you speak with him about it. Also, inquire about his emotions, since he may be struggling to articulate his feelings of displaying his commitment to both his family and you. Assure him that you are not opposed to his family and that you do not wish to keep him apart from them. If necessary, reach a compromise, but keep healthy boundaries in mind.

Tell him you understand how much he loves his family and that he loves you as well. Make suggestions for how he could make you feel more valued, and be specific about what he can do to demonstrate that you are equally important to him. Leave the blame game out of it and focus on how you and your wife can best cope with the problem as a couple. Communicating with him in a deliberate and direct manner is a crucial first step in assisting him in shifting his priorities.

You became a team when you married. Recognizing this and working to strengthen your relationship on a daily basis can help you develop a foundation you can both rely on when in-laws and other family members get in the way. Never put your husband in the position of having to choose between you and his family. Instead, hash out your issues privately first, and then approach his family as a unit when problems emerge.

While it’s easy to despise your mother-in-law or be angry with your husband, remember that many of us still feel like our parents’ children and are lured to letting our parents to care for us as they did when we were younger — especially if they were overbearing. However, make it clear to your husband that relying so heavily and completely on his parents for comfort and direction can be unhealthy.

Because your in-laws treat your husband like a child, you could become angry. Inform him forcefully but kindly that he must inform his parents that he is grown enough to control his own life. Make it clear to him that he requires his own independence – not only for his own sake, but also for yours.

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Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

Avoid pestering your husband about how you need him to spend more time with you or that you are more important to him than his mother or father. This will only harm him by diminishing his function as a husband and putting his parents down. These upset feelings could grow into resentment or rage, causing issues in your relationship. Remember that he’s not picking his family to hurt you; rather, he’s doing it because of long-standing relationships and behaviors that can be difficult to overcome.

Finally, your husband must make the decision to change. It is ultimately his decision to make you his first priority and to split away from his family. He must draw a line between his new family and his biological family. Be understanding and supportive of your husband as he learns these new skills.

There are instances when your husband should pay more attention to his parents, or when it is the most sensible decision to choose his family. These are times when his parents or relatives are ill, dying, or going through a terrible time in their lives. These are unusual circumstances that will necessitate your husband’s presence.

There’s a chance your husband will stick to his guns and insist that his family comes first. If this is the case, you should talk to him about why he treats you and his parents differently when it comes to the notion of family. Recognize that this is a complicated subject that demands sensitivity and compassion, and that obtaining help from a mental health expert, both individually and as a couple, can be quite beneficial. There could be unresolved issues that are a contributing cause, and a mental health specialist can help you figure out what they are. In addition, a mental health specialist can help you understand why your husband prioritizes his family above you.

Working with a professional can help you gain the skills you need to improve your communication and work through your problems as a family. They can also help you set effective boundaries, clarify your opinions to your husband, and avoid pointing fingers and exacerbating the problem. These methods could help you, your husband, and your in-laws strengthen your relationship.

“With his assistance, my husband and I have gained a great deal of clarity about each other’s actions and communication in a short period of time.”

FREE GUIDE: Healing Your Marriage

Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

“Keith Welsh has been a wonderful experience for my hubby and me (LCSW). We had never felt completely connected with a counselor previously, but now we leave each session feeling at peace and with a plan to continue working on our goals, both together and separately. Instead of enabling us to vent and perpetuate the vicious cycle, he gives us tools and insights that allow us to take control of developing a stronger connection. We are grateful for his knowledge and concern!”

Be assured that you are not alone in this all-too-common occurrence. If you’re not sure what to do about your husband’s constant preference for his family over you, there are resources available to assist you. Speaking with a neutral professional can assist you in determining the most effective manner to communicate with him so that he hears and understands you. Start by taking the first step.

Before You Continue…

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Who comes first in a man’s life mom or wife?

According to the Bible, a man abandons his mother and father and devotes himself to his own bride. A new trip begins at the altar, and the wife is the key woman on this new journey. The concept of leaving one’s parents implies that parental influence is no longer as strong as it once was. There is a newer influence on the horizon, and it is the wife’s.

As a result, the issue arises: which is more important: what happened in the past or what is happening now? After all, a guy is responsible for his personal family, which consists of himself, his wife, and his children.

In a previous life, it was his father who was responsible for his mother, not him. In cases where the father was not there, the mother was in charge.

This changed, however, when the man moved into – and created – another family, giving up some of his rights in the first. This current woman, his wife, may be the mother of his children. She is the primary woman in charge of the man’s affairs.

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Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

Is there a need for any further justifications to demonstrate her relevance in the marriage? The new adventure begins and ends with this new woman, the wife who must ascend to the marriage’s throne. She must now be the queen – not the man’s mother – in his life.

Sign #1 – He’s busy.

Your husband’s busyness could be due to a variety of factors, ranging from a legitimate need to work extra hours to pay the bills to an escapist way of dealing with an unhappy relationship with you. This isn’t conclusive evidence that the marriage is destined for dissolution.

Many men accidentally work more and spend less time with their spouses, not because they don’t love them, but because they feel compelled to provide for and protect their financial interests. While it is true that partners must set aside time to spend together, your workaholic husband may be less conscious of this than you are.

Similarly, husbands who place a great importance on family but find their wives domineering or unable to cope with marital stress may find mentally fleeing in overworking helpful. He didn’t simply cease caring about his family’s well-being.

Sign #2 – He’s emotionally distant and disconnected.

Because the husband works long hours while the wife is engaged with the household and childrearing, or vice versa, there might be a loss of emotional engagement and distancing. When both partners work 60+ hours a week and must carve out time to spend with their children, they expend all of their energy and have nothing left for each other. Because of this lack of attention, wives frequently feel compelled to verbally “knock their husbands in the head” in order to receive more affection, but this does not keep him at home, but rather drives him away.

If you notice a significant shift in your husband – he used to be much softer or more open, but now he appears to be more reserved and emotionally closed – this could be a sign of a serious problem in your marriage. This is one of the indicators that something has happened that your husband is unable to tell you about, and the guilt and humiliation are distancing him from you. The greatest method is to show that you care about him and that you are always available to him – but don’t press him or try to get information from him.

FREE GUIDE: Healing Your Marriage

Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

If your emotional coldness is a symptom of a problem in your marriage, you’ll be able to re-establish an emotional connection once you address it. It’s possible that you’ll need to see a therapist. Alternatively, you might be able to tackle it on your own.

At this stage, your job is to inform your husband that you notice something is wrong with him and that you want to help. Let him know you miss your connection, but don’t be hurtful or draw attention to yourself. If he is dealing with a problem, he is also suffering. As a result, avoid acting egotistically. Concentrate on your shared desire to solve whatever problem your family is facing. Keep an eye out for additional signs and symptoms that can help you see the wider picture.

Sign #3 – He’s constantly fighting you.

Non-physical is not in and of itself a bad indicator, but it is healthy to have opposing viewpoints on subjects and not to agree on everything simply because you are married. Disagreements can become passionate, nasty, and abrupt depending on temperaments and personalities. If you haven’t mastered the skill of fruitful argumentation, you might say hurtful things to each other. However, observe that it is your failure to fight productively, not simply being in disagreement, that is painful.

In general, examine your personal attitude toward combat. Do you believe that partners should agree on everything? Do you think that thinking differently in a marriage is an indication of strain? Do you believe that if he doesn’t agree with you, it indicates he doesn’t love you? If you answered yes to these questions, you have a romanticized image of marriage and husband-wife relationships. Remember that you are two very different people; it is wonderful that you are.

If, on the other hand, you both continuously insult each other, your disagreements are bitter, and you never apologize to each other, or if it is your spouse who is disrespectful and unapologetic, you may have communication problems. If you don’t solve the problem, it could lead to a divorce. There are excellent professionals available to assist you with this.

Sign #4 – He’s gotten quiet.

“He’s too silent, I think my husband wants to leave me,” you could think. Being quiet is typical, in contrast to frequent fighting. If his conduct has clearly altered, there must be a reason for it, and it is not a sign that your husband wants to divorce you. Don’t jump to conclusions because he doesn’t know how to express himself emotionally or wants to ruin your mood. Allow yourself time and space to sort things out and deal with this pressing circumstance.

FREE GUIDE: Healing Your Marriage

Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

Your husband’s sudden silence could be a reaction to marital strife. You may not have noticed it previously, or you both used to bend with the wind, but after several years of marriage, he believes he does not want to fight, so he decides to avoid arguing completely. If it’s a little issue, he may find it mentally taxing and ineffective to expend that energy. If he refuses to resolve any issues, it’s because he no longer sees himself in your relationship. It’s past time to bring up the subject of marriage counseling.

Sign #5 – He’s beginning to care more about his appearance.

Many individuals feel that a rapid change in a partner’s appearance is an indication that he is about to leave his wife for some reason. Grooming up, on the other hand, is more commonly a sign of an affair than a divorce. Your spouse may be attempting to improve his physical appearance in order to impress a prospective or present girlfriend (s). This is quite terrible information to learn, and if it is correct, you must consider your options carefully. Starting to take care of his looks on its own, however, is not indicative of a divorce.

A desire to eat healthier, exercise more, and look better is admirable, but it does not necessarily imply that your marriage is in trouble. Look at the larger picture because the devil is in the details. A new haircut and outfit can also help your career prospects. When a person learns that excellent health is not a gift from God, he or she may decide to go to the gym. If he wants you to join in, it’s because he’s changed his mind about life and wants to live a long and healthy life. If your husband becomes secretive and you witness him getting dressed before heading out without you, this could imply an affair — but not necessarily divorce.

Should a husband defend his wife against his family?

Marriage in Nigeria is an extremely dynamic institution. It extends beyond the marriage of a man and a woman. Unlike in the western world, where third-party inference in marriage is minor or non-existent, it is a completely different story here, especially on the part of the woman. In fact, it is thought that once a woman marries a guy, she is theoretically wedded to his family as well, giving them legal grounds to pry into the partnership.

However, this traditional practice has put the lady in a difficult position on multiple occasions, particularly when dealing with authoritarian in-laws who expect her to do everything according to their wishes, and who warn her that defying them is dangerous. As a result, in most situations, she endures and entirely submits to them simply to retain her marriage. Nonetheless, there are certain tough women who will defy convention and challenge any type of external control, no matter the repercussions, and in this instance, they will be insulted for their bravery. As a result, the neo-sociological question arises: should a husband defend his wife against family insults?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes A husband has the responsibility to protect his wife from the family’s violence without using doublespeak. What motivates me to take this stance?

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Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

First and foremost, marriage unites a man and a woman in mind, soul, and body. As a result, regardless of the family’s best interests, each has a responsibility to help the other. Between, a man formally ceases to be a part of his family, knowing well well that marriage means the start of a new family “prior” kinship. As a result, his new commitment must be first and foremost to his wife and children.

Second, because a woman comes from a different family, tribe, or culture, she is unfamiliar with her in-laws’ way of life, resulting in her being a mistress “When she is targeted as a “stranger,” her husband is obligated to defend her. For example, if my girlfriend comes to live with me and my family for three months, it is my job to shield and defend her from all sorts of attack as well as family criticism during that time. If I don’t do it, it suggests I don’t love her or value her mental and physical well-being.

Third, no one will appreciate a woman if her husband does not defend her from family insults. When she is treated with disrespect, she is vulnerable to physical assault. There have been numerous cases of heartless family members banding together to beat their brother’s wife. I feel the physical abuse did not occur on its own; it must have begun with insults directed at her, but as the husband turned away, it progressed to systematic abuse.

Finally, it is preferable for a husband to defend his wife from family insults in order to avoid a situation in which a woman explodes after being pushed to the limit. And disrespecting the man’s parents, siblings, or any elderly member in his family will likely lead to marriage breakdown.

The guy is the family’s natural leader, according to the law of natural assignment. This is not meant to minimize the role of the wife, which is frequently misunderstood in Africa. As a result, by virtue of his office, the man is obligated to protect his wife from his family’s abuse. And if he does anything else, he risks exposing his wife to disgrace and, in the end, kills the relationship.

Who comes 1st in a marriage?

Fortunately, after you tie the knot, you may minimize your internal conflict to a minimal by prioritizing your spouse. “In general, unless there’s a catastrophe,” Duffy adds, “I would say that your partner should come first, and know that he or she is the primary priority.”

Should a man put his wife first?

FREE GUIDE: Healing Your Marriage

Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

It doesn’t mean you’ll miss every athletic event, never see your pals, or never work extra. It all begins with the heart. And the contents of your heart will be reflected in your acts and thoughts.

We treat or rank something as more important if it is a priority. Prioritizing your marriage is putting your spouse ahead of work, children, hobbies, birth family, and other commitments. It does not imply that we forsake our jobs, abandon our children, or refrain from doing the things we enjoy. It means that we make certain that our spouse understands that we value them above all of the other “wonderful” things.

Ask Before You Make Plans

Ask your partner for their ideas and opinions while making plans and decisions (especially ones that effect where you spend your time, money, and energy). This demonstrates that you don’t want to do anything that would harm your marriage or partner.

  • Inquire about the impact on the rest of the day. “Is there anything going on that will cause this to change?”
  • Recognize that declining the offer might be the best decision for your marriage.

Message Received: Inquiring shows your partner that he or she is important. Their feelings are important. It’s important to consider how your decisions or goals may effect them.

Pay Attention to Your Spouse’s Needs

The needs of your husband or wife come first. That’s where you put your most effort. Recognize how easy it is to want to help everyone else and believe that your spouse can handle everything on their own.

It’s almost time for your kids to go to bed. They’re fussy, whiny, and a pain to deal with. You’re on the phone with a friend, having a deep, profound talk.

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Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

“I know this is important, but it’s bedtime, and I need to pitch in and help get these kids down,” tell your friend. “Give me a call back.”

You have your spouse’s back, you’ve sent a message. Despite the fact that your friend was dealing with a critical situation, your mate was as well. You’ve simply shown where your priorities are. Jumping in to solve everyone’s problems and only supporting your spouse when it’s convenient demonstrates that they aren’t a priority. We want our spouse to be the first, not the last, person we assist.

Consider the Impact on Your Spouse

It’s no longer simply about you after you’ve married. Significant changes have an impact on both of you. Inform your partner about the changes and allow them to plan for how they may be affected.

For example, a large project will demand you to spend long hours and expend a great deal of mental energy.

From the moment you realize this is going to be a lengthy project, tackle it straight on. Inform your partner about the potential for overtime and stress. “I don’t want you to feel ignored,” you might say. We can make up for lost time as soon as it’s finished, if you get what I mean.”

Message sent: You’ve thought about your spouse’s reaction and displayed some vulnerability. You’ve acknowledged what you’ll lose and expressed a wish to reclaim it since you’d rather spend time with your spouse than work those extra hours.

FREE GUIDE: Healing Your Marriage

Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

Seasons are different for couples. You may experience periods of intense work and overactive children in which you feel like taxicabs. Taking care of ailing family members might eat up a lot of time.

The desire to see your spouse happy, at ease, and connected is the starting point for putting your spouse first.

Surprisingly, studies reveal that prioritizing your spouse provides the protection, comfort, and stability that children require to thrive. When spouses prioritize each other, it creates the foundation for a wonderful relationship in which each partner feels loved, supported, and secure.

How do you make your husband love you more than his family?

Men aren’t mind readers, and it’s natural for them to be self-conscious. Your partner may believe he isn’t making you happy if you don’t express your love. As a result, make it a practice to express your affection for him by telling him how much he means to you or by doing small things for him that make him happy. Put a note on the bathroom mirror that says “I love you,” or slip a couple love notes into his pockets or wallet. He’ll be astonished and delighted when he discovers it. These small acts of kindness will also show him that you miss him while he’s not around.

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