When Your Husband Hurts You With Words

If he says things like “Why don’t you be more like her” or “I don’t care anymore,” or something similar, it’s a sign that he no longer loves you and wants to hurt you. Take some time to sit with your feelings and evaluate why these remarks were harmful to you when your partner says things like this.

Is it possible that they pricked a sensitive nerve? Was your spouse preying on your weaknesses in order to get a reaction from you? Once you’ve figured out which phrases harm you and why, talk to your husband about it and make it clear that these remarks aren’t acceptable. Tell them calmly but firmly that you will not engage with them till they remove these words from their lexicon.

Before You Continue…

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What does it mean when husband says hurtful things?

Why does my boyfriend say things that are harmful to me? When you are irritated, he says harsh things because he feels powerful. Because he most likely grew up with toxic parents who screamed at each other. Because he can’t manage his fury or his words, your boyfriend says nasty things when he’s angry.

How do you respond when your husband hurts your feelings?

Here are some constructive strategies for healing your marriage’s wounds:

Don’t leave everything up to the two of you, it was said. You will eventually drift apart if you do nothing while you are hurt. Allowing emotional withdrawal to become a part of your marriage is not a good idea.

What are the signs of a toxic marriage?

4. You’re blaming other people.

Things happen in marriage—someone forgets to pay a credit card bill, someone forgets an anniversary, and so on. “However, the more you fall into that it’s all your fault mindset, the less you take responsibility for your own actions,” Hunter explains. “It might start to destroy your marriage if you’re not looking inward and attempting to change yourself.” You want to connect with your spouse on two levels in a tough circumstance, according to Hunter: vocally, by saying something like, “I believe I understand what you’re trying to communicate,” and nonverbally, by using a calm voice or making friendly eye contact—anything that shows you’re paying attention. “Next, assist the other person, and possibly yourself, in shifting into problem-solving mode. “After you’ve dealt with the emotional side, you could ask, ‘What ideas do you have for resolving this?'” Hunter offers.

5. There is no sense of intimacy.

One of the first things to go when your marriage is turned to a management exercise is intimacy. “Marriage is about opening your heart, not just sharing your body,” Gandy explains. “When those moments of closeness—both physical and emotional bonding—disappear, it’s easy to accuse your partner of failing to meet your needs, which can then be used to rationalize adultery.” However, if you’re not getting what you need in any area, speaking up could be the solution. “We fight asking for what we want as women because our incorrect gender programming teaches us that our spouses should do it without our asking,” Gandy explains. “Even if it’s only an extra hug or making time each night for a real chat, men respond favorably to action-based demands.”

6. Your relationship isn’t the focus of your marriage.

Your children are, without a doubt, extremely important to you. However, if you can make your marriage’s most important goal your bond with your husband, they will benefit as well. “According to Gandy, “the health and vibrancy of that connection generates a family environment in which children are emotionally fed.” It’s all too easy to get caught up in the age-old cultural construct of the woman doing all the labor at home while the man sits on the sidelines. “As a result, the husband becomes increasingly detached and passive, while the woman feels bitter as a result of her overexertion,” Gandy notes. “Instead of giving in to the want to take on more, work on strengthening your asking muscles. When you allow others to assist you, especially your husband, they will feel closer to you. You’ll also discover that you have more time for your children and your relationship.”

7. Someone has a problem with control.

“If one spouse believes they have the right to monitor the other’s email, texts, and Facebook messages, that is the number-one symptom of a toxic relationship,” Hunter adds. It’s a modern take on an old problem: the idea that you can’t chat to your friends or family, or that you have to constantly report what you’re doing and where you are. “It’s a very poisonous situation when someone feels trapped or locked in a marriage, as if they’re walking on eggshells.” If this seems similar, it’s critical to seek professional help right away.

8. You are unwilling to change.

According to Gandy, many marriages fall apart between the ages of seven and ten. “That’s when a marriage needs to be transformed, and we don’t know how to get there.” But now is the best time to recognize that a transition has occurred and to develop the abilities necessary to move forward. “The mark of a healthy, strong marriage is that you’re willing to adjust it by acknowledging that you’ll get bored or annoyed with each other at times; however, it’s at those times that you need to remind yourself why you married your husband, the ways you support each other, and the feeling you had when you first fell in love,” Hunter says. “Accepting that marriage isn’t always sunshine and rainbows will help you maintain a realistic perspective on the relationship as it develops.”

9. There is a pattern of emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse is equally as harmful as physical violence, and it must be stopped. However, as women, we sometimes ignore our inner knowing for too long in the hopes of restoring things to their former state. If this describes you, you’re not in a good position to make the best decision for yourself—or to get out of the situation. If you’ve been in a toxic marriage for a long time, you’ll need the advice of a skilled expert and a support network to help you navigate a clear, safe path.

Can hurtful words be taken back?

“Better to trip with the feet than with the tongue,” says a new Lifehacker post, quoting the Ancients to remind us of a timeless theme. Most likely, your mother gave you this great advice when she said, “If you can’t say something kind, don’t say anything at all.” It turns out that the ancients and Mom were correct. You can’t take back bitter comments or blistering criticisms shouted during discussions, in e-mails and memoranda, or on Facebook or Twitter, no matter how much you wish you could. Words have a lot of power.

How do you fix a relationship after saying hurtful things?

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Obviously, adultery isn’t the only way trust in a relationship may be shattered. To be honest, lying about anything, as well as a lack of listening or candor about sentiments, can get the job done. And the price of this breech is exorbitant. Individuals who mistrusted their partner, particularly those with anxious attachment styles, were more likely to feel jealous, search through their significant other’s belongings, and become psychologically abusive, according to a 2015 study from the University of Houston. The study indicated that “distrust has cascade impacts on relational cognitions and behavior.”

“It’s really tough to regain trust in a relationship after it’s been gone,” says relationship coach Lauren Irish. “Not only does your partner have to work through the distrust produced by the concrete action, but he or she also needs to consider all the ‘what-ifs.'”

If you’ve harmed your partner, they’ll probably feel a little lost for a while. Allow them to choose the pace and give them space when it’s time to reestablish the relationship. Accept that things may take a long time to go back to normal. Experts provide nine suggestions for regaining their trust.

What do you do when your husband doesn’t care about your feelings?

Try these activities for two weeks if you’re feeling that your husband doesn’t love you, doesn’t care about you, or is hopeless:

You can keep being enraged and blaming him for everything. But that isn’t going to help you at all. So why not give it a shot?

By the way, these are the types of challenges I posed in 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage. After discussing how to bridge the gap to the extent that it is within your power to do so, I move on to discussing how to deal with serious issues that must be addressed. Take a look at the book here!

FREE GUIDE: Healing Your Marriage

Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

Now tell me, do you and your husband ever speak over each other? What strategies did you use to close the gap? Let’s have a discussion in the comments!

How do I deal with a toxic husband?

Follow these five ways to achieve more peace in a relationship that is bringing you tension and pain.

  • Accept that you are in a difficult situation and that you are dealing with a challenging relationship.
  • The other person will almost certainly accuse you of being the source of all their negative emotions.

What to say to someone who has hurt you deeply?

If you’re seeking for tips on how to start a discussion, Forshee recommends focusing on three specific components of your comment. To begin, write down an objective summary of the situation that caused you pain. Then try to pinpoint the emotion it elicited in you. Finally, express your feelings regarding the sensation. “You gave me a lot of unwanted advise on a difficulty I’m having at work yesterday,” you might say. That made me feel really hurt and assaulted because it made me feel like the matter was entirely my fault and that I had brought it upon myself.” When everything else fails, Forshee just says, “This is what occurred.” This was my reaction to it. This is how I feel about it.”

You can then tell them what you need instead, such as “I’d feel incredibly supported if you just listened to me when I was sad and waited for me to ask before offering advise,” or “I’d feel extremely supported if you just listened to me when I was upset and waited for me to ask before offering advice.”

How do you fix emotional damage in a marriage?

Key relationship-repair discoveries were revealed by John Gottman. Why and how partners must actively correct emotional damage between them, in particular. Emotional Processing is a Priority in Relationships

What is emotional abandonment in marriage?

Emotional neglect is characterized by a lack of action on the part of one partner in a relationship and is often difficult to detect. Lack of emotional support and failing to meet your partner’s needs are both signs of emotional neglect in a marriage.

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