Why Do I Have Separation Anxiety From My Boyfriend

Maybe being apart from your sweetheart has always been difficult for you. Perhaps separation anxiety is a new sensation for you, and you’re wondering how to rekindle your desire for solitude.

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Limit your check-ins

You may feel compelled to contact, text, or message your partner regularly if you are experiencing separation anxiety.

It’s not a bad idea to stay in touch during the day. However, if you spend all of your mental energy worrying about them, you’ll have less to spare for yourself. This can disrupt your concentration and make your everyday routine more difficult. Furthermore, frequent texts may cause them to become overwhelmed.

Give yourself some boundaries to create some distance. You could, for example, text them during your morning break and give them a quick call during lunch. Otherwise, put your phone down and concentrate on your own day.

If fears keep cropping up, acknowledge them and then let them go. By refusing to interact with these beliefs, you can assist them lose their grip.

Create new routines

Separation anxiety can arise as a result of major life changes, especially if you are afraid of losing the closeness you have with your partner.

Is there a solution? Make a concerted effort to include time for quality connection into your daily schedule.

Spending time apart is healthy, but you can’t have a strong, healthy relationship without spending time together as well.

Share your worries

Although good communication isn’t a relationship panacea, it can help to alleviate a variety of relationship problems.

When you avoid talking about your feelings, they tend to get worse. Research

Can I have separation anxiety from my boyfriend?

Yes, you read that correctly. Separation anxiety is genuine, and you can get anxious at the notion of being separated from a loved one or a partner, as the name implies. While separation anxiety is a typical part of a baby’s development, research has shown that it can also affect adults.

Why do I get anxiety when I leave my boyfriend?

Because there isn’t a single apparent cause for anxiety, it can take time and devoted self-exploration to figure out what’s causing it. You can even have trouble figuring out what’s causing the problem on your own.


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“There’s a chance you’re not aware of what’s causing your worry,” Robertson explains. “But, regardless of how it appears, the fundamental causes all reflect a desire for connection.”

Previous relationship experiences

Even if you think you’ve mostly moved on from the events of the past, they can still have an impact on you.

After been harmed, it’s not uncommon to find it difficult to trust someone again, even if your current partner shows no evidence of manipulation or dishonesty.

Certain triggers, whether you’re aware of them or not, might nevertheless bring up memories and feelings of uneasiness and doubt.

Low self-esteem

Relationship anxiety and insecurity can be exacerbated by low self-esteem.

When people have poor self-esteem, they are more prone to doubt their partner’s feelings, according to some older study. This is a sort of projection that can occur.

To put it another way, feeling dissatisfied with yourself can make it easier to believe that your partner feels the same way.


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When those with greater levels of self-esteem encountered self-doubt, they tended to affirm themselves through their relationships.

Attachment style

The attachment pattern you adopt as a child can have a significant impact on our adult relationships.

You probably formed a secure attachment style if your parent or caregiver responded swiftly to your needs and supplied love and support.

Your attachment style may be less secure if they did not regularly meet your needs or allow you to develop independently.

Relationship anxiety can be exacerbated by insecure attachment types in a variety of ways:

  • Avoidant attachment might cause concern about the level of commitment you’re making or the depth of closeness you’re experiencing.
  • Anxious attachment, on the other hand, might lead to concerns of your partner abandoning you at any point.

Keep in mind that just because you have an insecure attachment type doesn’t guarantee you’ll always have relationship anxiety.

“You can’t entirely change your attachment style, just like you can’t change your personality,” explains Jason Wheeler, PhD. “However, you may make enough changes to ensure that an insecure attachment style does not hold you back in life.”

A tendency to question


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Before choosing a path, you might want to consider all of the various consequences of a situation. Maybe you’re just someone who thinks about everything before making a decision.

If you have a habit of asking yourself a lot of questions about your decisions, even after you’ve made them, you’ll probably have some doubts about your relationship as well. This isn’t always an issue, though. In reality, taking time to consider your decisions, especially big ones, is usually beneficial (like romantic commitment).

However, if you find yourself engaged in a never-ending cycle of self-doubt and questioning that isn’t productive, it could become a problem.

How do I deal with separation anxiety in a relationship?

Klemanski and Hanson offer the following tips for dealing with separation anxiety in relationships:

  • Detect the indications: According to Klemanski, it’s critical to first recognize the signs of separation anxiety by speaking with trustworthy relatives, partners, friends, or professionals.
  • Recognize it as a deep fear of letting go of loved ones: People who may connect with separation anxiety should do their best to recognize it as a deep dread of letting go of loved ones. According to Hanson, being able to admit or work to accept this can be quite beneficial.
  • Observe healthy relationships: “Observing healthy, interdependent relationships can be beneficial.” “Instead of merely understanding co-dependent, insecurely-attached relationships, these examples give the brain-body a blueprint of how a relationship can be,” Hanson explains.
  • Believe in your own abilities: According to Klemanski, it’s important to remember that separation anxiety is only temporary and can be alleviated by being aware of your own abilities–if you’re separated from your partner, remind yourself that you’ve dealt with similar situations before and that the reunion will be extra special. Meanwhile, he suggests finding meaningful methods to fill your time.

What causes separation anxiety in relationships?

Separation anxiety is a type of anxiety. Agoraphobia and panic disorder are two other types of anxiety disorders.

The DSM-5, the diagnostic manual for mental health problems published by the American Psychiatric Association, defines separation anxiety as having several of the following symptoms:

  • When they are aware that they will be separated from another person soon, they experience physical symptoms.

Adults may experience these symptoms for up to 6 months. Their symptoms might give them a lot of pain and interfere with their social, occupational, and academic performance.

What causes separation anxiety in adults?


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A parent, lover, or kid who moves away might cause separation anxiety in an adult. Their anxiousness could also be a symptom of another mental health problem. Delusions caused by psychotic diseases or a fear of change caused by an autism spectrum disorder are examples of this.

People may label an adult with separation anxiety disorder as controlling or overprotective on occasion. Their acts, on the other hand, are frequently an adult’s way of communicating their concerns of separation.

Can anxiety ruin relationships?

Anxiety destroys relationships by intruding. It generates negative mental patterns and beliefs and exaggerates them (as in bigger and more believable than reality). Feelings of connection and the ability to trust are eroded as a result of these challenges. Anxiety becomes a roadblock because it draws both parties’ attention. Both the person with anxiety and their partner focus too much attention on the anxiety rather than being totally present with each other. As a result, feelings of detachment, isolation, and abandonment develop.

Anxiety is a critical voice that screams “mean somethings” rather than “sweet nothings.” Self-doubt, which dominates both partners’ rational thoughts and words, is a large part of any sort of worry. The anxious partner’s anxious thoughts and beliefs include the following:

Anxious thoughts would be bothersome but unlikely to harm relationships if they remained just that: thoughts. Anxiety, on the other hand, is never just a thought. Instead, they seep into people’s emotions and control their actions. In partnerships, some forms of nervous actions, arising from both thoughts and feelings, are common:

  • Clinginess, overdependence, attachment, and a strong desire for proximity and reassurance are all symptoms of attachment disorder.

These actions are fueled by anxiety, but they aren’t limited to those who suffer from it. Anxiety destroys relationships because it creates barriers to closeness, fun, and intimacy that make them unsustainable.

Couples can start reconnecting by understanding how anxiety destroys relationships. While

Anxiety can sabotage relationships, but it doesn’t have to completely destroy them.

What are the three stages of separation anxiety?


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Protest, despair, and detachment are the three stages. The protest phase begins as soon as the couple is separated and might extend for weeks.

What does relationship OCD feel like?

Connection OCD, also known as rOCD, is a kind of obsessive-compulsive disorder that is largely preoccupied with concerns and uncertainties about one’s relationship, which is often intimate or romantic. Intrusive thoughts, anxieties, and anxiety about whether their partner is right for them, whether they are attracted to their spouse or their partner is attracted to them, and deep doubt about whether they need to quit their relationship may be experienced by people with rOCD.

Is it normal to have doubts in a relationship?

Doubt is an inevitable component of any relationship. It becomes an issue, though, when we refuse to resolve it. It’s been said before, but it bears repeating: Almost everything in a relationship boils down to communication, according to Batshaw.

It’s critical that we keep our partners informed about our thoughts so that they can adjust — and vice versa. When your partner tells you you’ve crossed a line, you’re just as accountable for listening and changing your behavior.

Breaking up with someone because they said something wrong or didn’t meet your expectations is naive, as is being dissatisfied when your spouse disagrees with you, according to Bahar.

If you’re considering ending a relationship because your partner respectfully expresses a viewpoint that differs from yours, you might want to explore your defensiveness.


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Knowing if you should continue with your spouse, unless you’re in a dangerous scenario, takes seeing how they act toward you over time and monitoring how you constantly feel as their partner, especially after you express concerns or emotions of hurt, according to Batshaw.

A relationship in which one person consistently fails to meet the requirements and boundaries of the other is unlikely to continue.

Couples are probably doing OK as long as they can communicate through difficult situations, keep each other feeling safe and pleased, and continue to share pleasant times.

Why do I feel so insecure in my relationship?

In many cases, a lack of self-love is at the root of relationship anxieties. If one partner harbors detrimental limiting ideas, such as fear of failure or the belief that they are unworthy of love, they will be unable to fully trust – and trust is the bedrock of any relationship.

Can anxiety make you cheat?

Insecure attachment styles are more likely to lead to infidelity in couples. Couples with attachment insecurity are not the only ones who are more prone to break their engagement. As they cope with their insecure partners’ behaviors, non-insecure partners are likewise more prone to be unfaithful. According to a study conducted by Florida State University, both people with attachment anxiety and their partners are more likely to be unfaithful in their relationships. It’s possible that some people detach and seek less demanding relationships in response to clinging and continual needs for reassurance.

What should I do if my girlfriend has anxiety?

3. Be open and honest about your expectations.

Are you going to be late? So they don’t picture you mangled in a ditch, give them a call or send a fast SMS. Do you have a large bill to pay or a medical test on the horizon? Don’t try to hide it; instead, talk it out. Treating your spouse as if they are a fragile infant, even if you don’t want to bother them, creates an odd dynamic in a relationship. Furthermore, worried people are quite alert and will notice anything is wrong. Allow your sweetum boo-boo-pie to know what’s going on, or their mind may likely go into overdrive and assume something far worse is going on.

4. Accept that happiness means different things to different people.


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Balloons, dancing, party hats, and Jaeger bombs at the club are all things that come to mind for some. Others, a sand-toed Instagram photo or Deepak Chopra doodled in latte foam (#bliss #bestlife #blessed). For an anxious person, it may be a day without having a panic attack or needing to take Tums. It may be as simple as getting dressed and walking around the block. Calm is an underappreciated emotion that is equally as valid as joy.

5. Give them a sense of security.

One of an anxious person’s greatest fears is that they are unlovable just because they are worried. “We’re in this together, and I’m not going anywhere,” tell them as often as naturally as you can. In fact, right now, take a snapshot of that line and text it to your cuddlenumpkins (really — I’ll stop). It won’t be strange, I promise. Okay, it’ll only be for a moment, but you’ll both be grateful later.

6. Have fun with your life.

Ugh. So your companion is experiencing another bout of extra-panic or agoraphobia. It’s difficult to watch someone you care about suffer, and it’s probably far more difficult for them to be experiencing it. However, you can’t or don’t want to miss your best friend’s birthday party or your niece’s graduation. Go. Even if you’re alone and have to inform others that your loved one isn’t feeling well. (This is not a fabrication.) This may appear to be a painful betrayal, but it’s actually a good thing to do. It’s a relief, both from your partner’s guilt for holding you back or dragging you down into their muck, and from any animosity — which is a perfectly reasonable emotion — that may be building up on your end. Just remember to check in and let them know you’re thinking of them and will be safe and sound when you return.

7. Make a request.

Wacky thought, but your smootchiemuffins (I lied.) may have had some ideas about how to relieve their angst but were reluctant to share them. Even if you don’t agree, or if they don’t have any answers, be honest. It’s sometimes enough to simply be asked and know that someone is listening.

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