Why Do I Pick Fights With My Boyfriend

Fighting for no reason frequently indicates an underlying issue in a relationship that neither spouse wants to discuss. According to Richardson, this can be caused by a craving for attention, envy or trust concerns, loneliness, or a lack of understanding. Even your own history of trauma or interpersonal problems can play a role. Perhaps you don’t trust your partner because you’ve been burnt before, so you criticize the tiny things they do rather than confronting your anxieties head-on.

The difficulty with this type of conflict is that it will almost always result in damaged feelings. “Conflict that includes criticizing each other’s character and attempting to harm the other person is harmful to the relationship,” adds Richardson. You know this isn’t a fun dynamic if your boyfriend or girlfriend is continually choosing fights (or if you’re the one starting the fights). When there’s a constant underlying stress or frustration, it’s difficult to enjoy spending time together.

If this isn’t the case, take a step back and reconsider your feelings when you’re not in the middle of something. “It’s incredibly important to take ownership and clean it up even when something bad is done or said in a fight,” Richardson advises. “The worst thing a couple can do is dispute, become enraged, and then fail to make up with each other later and act as if it never happened.” It did, and while confronting it may feel difficult at first, it will greatly benefit your relationship.”

Before You Continue…

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Is it normal to fight with your boyfriend everyday?

Although battling with your partner is natural, fighting every day in a relationship or over certain themes, such as your principles, should not be overlooked. According to specialists, there are a few typical relationship quarrels that indicate you should probably end your relationship.

According to Dr. John Gottman’s research, 69 percent of conflict in relationships is never-ending, as psychotherapist Cherrelle N. “Juice” Shorter, LCSW-S points out.

Shorter says, “There are just some things that coupled couples aren’t going to agree on.” “While this may appear to some as a bad sign, many people have taken comfort in the fact that conflict is not exclusive to their relationships.” When handled effectively, disagreement can foster mutual understanding, compassion, and a sense of ‘togetherness’ in partnerships.”

Why is my girlfriend picking fights with me?

That argument about how you’re no longer attracted to her because you stated you were tired, or how you should have known what she was thinking if you truly loved her — if you truly loved her, you would have known.

Yes, we realize how insane we sound. We understand. However, we are unable to control our emotions. We’re emotional and rely on our instincts.

Know that if your partner is always picking fights, it’s because she’s sensing something. It may not be about your cluttered room or your innocent remark about how exhausted you are, but it’s there, linked to something deeper.

Or we’re attempting to hide what’s truly bothering us, burying it beneath the rug just to let it seep out in small, minor, filthy moments.

We’re just as embarrassed as the rest of you about these incidents. You may pardon us, but trust us when we say that the shame we carry about is enough punishment.


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Even though you promised yourself ten times that day that you wouldn’t bring it up — to say that one thing you promised yourself you wouldn’t say — to see it spilling out.

It’s our worst flaw and our biggest flaw. It’s the one thing we try and fail to control. So please, please, please try to forgive us.

Here are a few possible answers to your girlfriend’s question: “Why do I pick arguments with my boyfriend?” Because, believe me, she’s considering it as well.

Why do I cause arguments in my relationship?

Couples frequently fall into argument cycles, in which they constantly argue about the same issue. Negative communication patterns that limit understanding and respect in a relationship are frequently the source of these argument cycles.

Dodge the Defensive

When a fight breaks out, it’s natural to want to defend yourself right away. You can feel as if you’ve been attacked, wronged, or accused for something you haven’t done. Taking your partner’s criticism or words personally just adds gasoline to the flames.

However, the best course of action is to assess the situation objectively. Did you say or do something that made them feel bad? If this is the case, work to correct the situation.


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This could entail apologizing, making amends, or simply asking how you can make things right. It’s not always about you as a person, but rather what happened. Listen carefully to what the other person says and internalize it, asking questions if necessary.

Step Away From the Situation to Cool Down

Our ideas and emotions can become hazy or unreasonable during a disagreement. Fighting in this mindset leads to additional debate since we often say things we don’t mean.

If the dispute grows too intense, take a break to regain your composure. Allow your thoughts to relax by going for a stroll or spending some alone time. When you clear your mind, you can usually approach the problem with a fresh perspective.

Always Fight or Argue Face to Face

We can think before we text in our digital world, giving us more control over our interaction. However, not everyone interprets texts and tones in the same way, and your partner may be taking what you’say’ out of context, resulting in additional conflict.

When people fight face to face, their body language is more obvious, and verbal tone is simpler to detect. Long, drawn-out text messages are tough to type down and are better discussed in person if an issue is very detailed or intense.

Create Boundaries for A Fight

When you attack a person’s character rather than the problem itself, fighting gets out of hand. Swearing, yelling over one other, and evading the true issue can all add up to a full-fledged conflict.


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Sit down with your partner and talk about some rules to follow when you’re fighting. One individual, for example, may talk first in a respectful tone without yelling or calling names. These damaging habits divert your focus away from the problem at hand and create an unsafe environment for each other to feel heard and appreciated.

Remember Why You’re in The Relationship

Though the honeymoon period of your relationship may be dwindling or finished, it doesn’t mean your partnership is doomed. Many people enjoy successful, genuinely rewarding relationships long after they initially started dating or after they’ve been married for a few years.

It’s possible that this is because they remembered why they’re in the relationship and what they like about their spouse. They realized that having each other in their lives is preferable to not having each other in their lives. Despite the fact that everyone has baggage and personal issues, there is something to remember, and this gives the partnership something to strive towards.

Take Care of The Conflict as Soon as Possible

Couples that allow difficulties to escalate are more likely to break up than those who deal with disagreement swiftly. Not speaking up and allowing our emotions to run amok Unspoken anger or bitterness can pervade a relationship if it is allowed to stew.

This can be harmful, especially if the other spouse is unaware. Coming open about our sentiments or difficulties and getting it all out on the table forces us to work through those issues so we don’t have anything on our minds during the relationship.

Consider Therapy

Consider couples counselling if the arguing seems too difficult to handle on your own or you’re feeling lost.


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Couples who seek counseling can improve their ability to relate to and understand each other, as well as themselves. Therapy allows a third person to look into your relationship and discover issue areas that you may have overlooked.

A skilled therapist will give you concrete things to do in order to achieve peace in your relationship. They may be able to provide ways to assist you in resolving conflicts and disagreements. Couples counselling is an excellent way to communicate your feelings.

Keep in mind that counseling is a two-way street. While the therapist or counselor intends to provide you helpful input, it won’t work unless both of you are committed to healing your relationship.

Take Some Time Apart

Our daily stressors might seep into our relationships. While it’s possible that circumstances outside of your relationships are stressing you out, it’s also true that your relationship is difficult.

Consider spending some time apart from each other. It could be a weekend spent alone or with company simply enjoying a place or activity you adore.

Be encouraged that couples will need to spend time apart from time to time. This could be for a variety of reasons unique to the relationship. It isn’t always a sign that the relationship is in trouble.


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Nonetheless, taking a break gives you a new perspective on your relationship. If you return with the impression that the relationship is over, talk to your partner about it.

How often do average couples fight?

Fighting, it turns out, is HEALTHY in any relationship. “One interesting study indicated that couples quarrel, on average, seven times per day,” said Dr. Carla Manly, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert who is also the author of “Joy from Fear.”

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is defined as “any relationship that does not support each other, where there is conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there is competition, where there is disrespect, and where there is a lack of cohesiveness,” according to Dr. Lillian Glass, a California-based communication and psychology expert who claims to have coined the term in her 1995 book Toxic People.

What is red flag in relationship?

The term is used in a variety of circumstances “The term “red flag” denotes a reason to come to a halt. When a game is interrupted due to a foul, red flags are tossed, and they are waved on race tracks when the conditions are too dangerous to continue down the road. Red lights tell us to come to a complete stop on the road, while red tape warns us not to proceed any further.

“Dr. Wendy Walsh, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships, defines red flags as “evidence that the person probably can’t have a healthy relationship and that continuing down the road together would be emotionally perilous.”

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