Why Is My Boyfriend Mean To Me

If your lover is always being mean to you, you might as well be nothing more than a choice in his life. He doesn’t think it’s necessary to go out of his way to be polite to you because you aren’t a priority for him. School, work, and his friends may be his top priorities. Consider this: if someone isn’t a priority in your life, you aren’t likely to care what they think or feel about you. Similarly, if you aren’t on his priority list, why should it surprise you if he doesn’t care if he harms you or not?

Before You Continue…

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You are just another conquest

It’s a conquest when a guy genuinely likes you and goes out of his way to pursue you until the two of you are officially an item. There’s nothing wrong with a guy being ecstatic to have you as his girlfriend if he really likes you. Some guys, on the other hand, pursue a female solely for the purpose of gaining bragging rights among their peers. Maybe he just wants to win a bet because some of the others thought he’d never find a girl like you. If this is all he cares about, he may treat you badly because he doesn’t care about you at all.

It is payback time

Believe it or not, your lover may be unkind to you as a kind of retaliation for something you did. No one ever suggested that males are all mature! Some people are, and your partner may be one of them. Perhaps you had to work late and had to cancel a date, which wounded his feelings. Perhaps you offended your ex by casually mentioning him in a chance chat. As a kind of retaliation, he may be cruel to you. Needless to say, if this is the reason he’s suddenly being mean to you, he has to mature.

He really is an asshole

Let’s face it, some men are simply awful individuals. Maybe he wasn’t taught to respect women, or maybe he just doesn’t think we’re worth respecting. Yes, there are such men out there, and you may have become involved with one of them. Leave your boyfriend if he is one of them and abuses you poorly! Believe me when I say that he will only bring you tears.

He doesn’t really like you

If a guy genuinely cares about you, he would go out of his way to make you happy. Making you happy makes him pleased as well. You can’t blame yourself for believing he doesn’t like you after all if he treats you horribly and doesn’t say or do anything to apologize when he hurts you.

He has unmet needs

In a relationship, unmet wants are always seen as sexual unhappiness. This isn’t always the case, though. Unmet wants could be for anything, including time, validation, or even a simple display of affection. Anything might be the case. If your boyfriend treats you badly, he may be subconsciously’screaming’ for your attention. Perhaps you’ve been working long hours recently and he’s starting to feel neglected. All that is required to resolve this is for both of you to share your feelings and reach a mutually agreeable solution.

He is struggling with an addiction

Addiction is a serious problem that manifests itself in a variety of ways. If your lover is dealing with an addiction, don’t be surprised if he’s lovely one day and ruthless the next. Addiction makes a person impatient, short-tempered, and more likely to be cruel to those who matter to them. It also increases the likelihood of violence against persons they consider to be weaker. This might be a major problem.

You are suffocating him

We all need some time apart from our better halves to recharge our batteries. The distinction is that some people require it more urgently than others. It’s possible that your partner is being cruel to you because he feels suffocated by you. You spend all of your leisure time together, and he longs for some alone time or a chance to socialize with his friends. He may unconsciously do and say hurtful things to you in order to keep you at a distance. He should be able to just come out and tell you how he feels in an ideal world, but it may not be how he deals with his problems. If you have any suspicions that this is the reason your partner is being cruel to you, make yourself unavailable for a while and see how he reacts.

Someone else is on his mind

If your lover is being cruel to you and is always lost in thought, he is most likely thinking about someone else. He’d tell you if he was having problems at work or with a friend. Now that he’s being cagey about what’s on his mind while also being rude, it’s likely that he’s thinking about someone else.

He does not want to be with you anymore

Some guys lack the courage to break up with a girl, even if they no longer want to be with her. They are being purposefully cruel to her in the hopes that she will become frustrated and break up with them. They assume that if you are the one to break up with them, they will not be perceived as the evil guy. If your boyfriend has suddenly been cruel to you, it’s possible that he wants out of the relationship but wants you to be the one to end it.

You have different goals

Because he does not regard you as a long-term companion, your boyfriend may be cruel to you. For him, you’re more of a now-and-then fun buddy. He may be cruel to you if he has this mindset since he doesn’t care about the relationship or sees a future for it. His negativity could be unintentional, or it could be deliberate. He could be implying that he isn’t as committed to the relationship as you are.

He is just not as emotional as you are


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Your boyfriend is being cruel to you, and you don’t understand why he does or says the things he does. Perhaps he isn’t as emotional as you are. He could be completely oblivious that something he did caused you harm. Men, on the whole, are more practical than emotional. They may inadvertently do something that causes you harm. They are really surprised and may even laugh at you when you blow your top about it. Of course, this will not help you relax and may even make you feel worse. If this is the case, it is past time for you to have a serious, heart-to-heart conversation with your partner to explain how his actions have harmed you.

You are a means to an end

You may have to accept the truth that your lover is using you to gain or achieve something, as unpleasant as it is to admit. Maybe he’s using you to show off to other people, or maybe he’s just looking for someone to have sex with. It’s possible that he’s in your life because you have a lot more money than he does and you’re continually ‘helping him out.’

You are over-dependent

Do you have a partner who is overly reliant on you? Do you and your partner have no boundaries? Do you expect your partner to devote all of his free time to you and become irritated if he does not? Do you expect him to solve all of your problems? Do you think he’ll be able to cover all of your financial needs? If you identify with this, you are unduly reliant on him. Your partner may be being cruel to you in order to frighten you away from leaving him and taking the burden off his shoulders. Men admire and respect confident, independent women, therefore aim to be one. He will appreciate and respect you more as a result.

He is fighting his love for you

If you haven’t experienced it firsthand, you’ve most likely seen it in a romantic film. A typical plot involves a man meeting a woman, getting to know her, and falling in love with her. However, he despises the thought of falling in love because it implies a loss of control. Not to mention the fact that some guys believe love is for weaklings and sissies. If things were going great between you and your partner, and then he starts being cruel to you, it’s possible he’s resisting the prospect of being in love with you.

You are reading him wrong

Is it possible that you are misinterpreting him and he isn’t such a nasty guy after all? You spent hours getting ready for a date, just for him to tell you that you look fine. Everything is fine! You spend the rest of the evening wondering why he didn’t use the words ‘hot’ or’sexy’ to describe you. Perhaps he simply lacks the ability to communicate! That isn’t to say he isn’t concerned about you.

No one taught him better

Unfortunately, not all men were educated to be gentlemen. Perhaps his parents didn’t know any better, or perhaps he grew up without strong parental guidance. If this is his narrative, the basic politeness that you take for granted may not be so obvious to him. The truth is that a significant portion of our adult conduct can be traced back to our infancy. To modify such patterns, a lot of unlearning is required.


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Perhaps he is a genuine lovely person who honestly cares about you, but he says hurtful things because he doesn’t know any better.

Lack of communication

If you’ve done any research on how to make relationships work, you’ve probably come across the concept of communication. Men are said to be from Mars and women from Venus. That demonstrates how unlike men and women are. They all have distinct ideals and requirements, and the only method to comprehend them is to discuss them. If you don’t tell your lover what you want from him, it’s unfair to expect him to know. You might think he’s being cruel to you because you only get to see each other on weekends. So go ahead and express your feelings to him. He may be attempting to give you space so that you may spend more time with your friends while he would want to spend more time with you.

Never blame yourself

Do not blame yourself if things start to go wrong because your lover is being cruel to you. You could be the best girlfriend on the planet, but if your boyfriend doesn’t see the relationship moving forward while you do, we’ve got a problem. It’s best to split ways if you’re not on the same page. While you’re doing so, keep in mind that blaming others is worthless. You should be grateful to each other for recognizing your differences sooner rather than later.

Why does my boyfriend say hurtful things to me?

Why does my boyfriend say things that are harmful to me? When you are irritated, he says harsh things because he feels powerful. Because he most likely grew up with toxic parents who screamed at each other. Because he can’t manage his fury or his words, your boyfriend says nasty things when he’s angry.

Why is my boyfriend so controlling and mean?

When you have a controlling partner, you may expect them to behave in a variety of ways, from mild to excessive. Controlling conduct is frequently the result of your controlling partner’s inability to control things in his own life. As a result, your lover is in control of your life, giving him the impression that he is in charge of something significant. This scenario, however, frequently backfires when your controlling partner tries to take control of your entire life and decision-making processes.

Why has my boyfriend become distant?

Remember that being direct and asking him why he’s so aloof is the best way to find out. If you don’t feel comfortable doing so, or if he won’t talk to you about it, here are some plausible reasons:

  • He’s worried about other aspects of his life, which could be contributing to his anxiety or sadness.


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When trying to figure out why he’s so distant, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions. If you do, you may end up producing more issues in your relationship, and he may continue to act distant. If you accuse him of cheating on you when he’s just worried out about something at work, for example, it could escalate to deeper problems.

As you try to figure out what’s going on in your relationship, keep an eye out for the following red flags.

You don’t want a jealous boyfriend because it indicates insecurity and low self-esteem, as well as the possibility of emotional abuse. Most couples, though, have a healthy level of jealousy.

It’s natural to not want your significant other to be preoccupied with someone else. While jealousy is an indication that your partner cares about you, it does not mean that his lack of jealousy is a warning that your relationship is on the verge of ending. Have a talk with your lover about his lack of jealousy if he used to be jealous but now doesn’t seem to care.

This doesn’t mean you should go out and try to make him jealous just to see how he reacts, but if you observe a drop in his jealousy, it might be time to talk to him.

What are the signs of bad relationship?

According to Carla Marie Manly, PhD, author of “Joy from Fear,” indicators of toxicity can be subtle or glaring depending on the nature of the connection.


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You may recognize any of these indications in yourself, your spouse, or the relationship itself if you’re in a toxic relationship.

Lack of support

“Healthy relationships are built on a shared desire to see the other thrive in all aspects of life,” adds Caraballo. When things become toxic, though, every accomplishment becomes a competition.

Toxic communication

Most of your talks are filled with sarcasm, criticism, or overt antagonism, rather than treating each other with kindness. You might even start avoiding each other’s company.


While jealously is natural from time to time, Caraballo argues that it can become a problem if you can’t force yourself to think or feel positively about their achievement.

Controlling behaviors

Controlling behavior, such as constantly questioning where you are or growing enraged when you don’t respond to texts right away, can add to toxicity in a relationship.

These attempts to exert control over you may be an indication of abuse in some situations (more on this later).

Ignoring your needs


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According to clinical psychologist Catalina Lawsin, PhD, going along with whatever your partner wants to do, even if it goes against your wishes or comfort level, is a solid symptom of toxicity.

You might, for example, consent to a vacation they arranged at dates that aren’t convenient for you, either intentionally or unintentionally.

Lost relationships

To prevent disagreement with your partner or to avoid having to explain what’s going on in your relationship, you’ve stopped spending time with friends and relatives.

Alternatively, you may discover that your leisure time is consumed by resolving issues with your partner.

Lack of self-care

In a toxic relationship, you may abandon your typical self-care routines, according to Lawsin.

You might stop doing things you used to enjoy, disregard your health, and give up your leisure time.

Hoping for change

You may choose to stay in the relationship because you recognize the other person’s potential or because you believe that if you alter yourself and your actions, they will change as well.

How do you fix a relationship after saying hurtful things?


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Obviously, adultery isn’t the only way trust in a relationship may be shattered. To be honest, lying about anything, as well as a lack of listening or candor about sentiments, can get the job done. And the price of this breech is exorbitant. Individuals who mistrusted their partner, particularly those with anxious attachment styles, were more likely to feel jealous, search through their significant other’s belongings, and become psychologically abusive, according to a 2015 study from the University of Houston. The study indicated that “distrust has cascade impacts on relational cognitions and behavior.”

“It’s really tough to regain trust in a relationship after it’s been gone,” says relationship coach Lauren Irish. “Not only does your partner have to work through the distrust produced by the concrete action, but he or she also needs to consider all the ‘what-ifs.'”

If you’ve harmed your partner, they’ll probably feel a little lost for a while. Allow them to choose the pace and give them space when it’s time to reestablish the relationship. Accept that things may take a long time to go back to normal. Experts provide nine suggestions for regaining their trust.

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is defined as “any relationship that does not support each other, where there is conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there is competition, where there is disrespect, and where there is a lack of cohesiveness,” according to Dr. Lillian Glass, a California-based communication and psychology expert who claims to have coined the term in her 1995 book Toxic People.

How do you know if a guy is manipulating you?

Knowing how to deal with these people and how to say the appropriate things can give you the courage to stand up to them or walk away. Manipulation is almost always an indication of an abusive relationship in romantic relationships, thus the best course of action is to flee as quickly as possible.

Once you’ve learned the terminology, it’ll be easier to recognize manipulative people for what they are, and you’ll have the confidence to walk away.


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If you believe someone is manipulating you, here are 9 terms to be aware of and what they mean.

What you should never say to your partner?

Look, the last thing you want to do is give someone else control over your emotions. Goddammit, they’re yours and yours alone. “You are the producer of your sentiments, not the victim of them,” David explains, “so you’ll only feel uncomfortable sensations of guilt if you truly believe you’ve done something wrong.”

“First and foremost, you must reclaim emotional control: do you believe you spend too much time with your friends at the price of quality time with your partner? If this is the case, make a change. Do you believe your partner and you have different ideas about how much time you should spend together? If that’s the case, start a frank and open talk with them about it.”

Instead, say something like, “I’m not sure whether I’m managing my time with friends properly; I’ll alter it in the future” or “My friends seem to be particularly demanding of my time right now; what do you think?”

Is my boyfriend insecure or controlling?

Controlling conduct is one of the most typical signs of insecurity among guys. This can include demeaning or putting you down, isolating you from friends and family, continually guilting you, a lack of trust, emphasizing their duty as your “protector,” and so on.

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