How To Deal With A Narcissist Boyfriend

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Developing a special connection can be an exciting period in one’s life. When a relationship is in good shape, it can also be emotionally fulfilling. Mutual respect and concern for one another, avoiding self-serving behaviors, and developing healthy communication are all characteristics of a successful relationship.

Regrettably, not all partnerships are wholesome. Have you observed that your partner has grown more self-centered, that he doesn’t seem to care about your ideas or feelings, or that he appears to be isolating you from your family and friends?

These could be symptoms that you’re dating a narcissistic guy, meaning he has narcissistic personality traits or suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder. Your loved one can be assessed and diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder by a certified mental health expert. Only after a skilled expert has diagnosed your partner with this disease should you tell them.

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How do you deal with a narcissistic man in a relationship?

The term “narcissist” is commonly used to describe someone who is self-centered and lacks empathy. It’s crucial to remember, however, that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a legitimate mental health problem that necessitates a professional diagnosis.

Even so, some narcissistic tendencies can be seen in people who do not have NPD. These could include the following:

  • having an inflated self-esteem
  • requiring constant adoration
  • exploitation of others
  • failing to see or care about the needs of others
  • Here are some suggestions for dealing with someone who has narcissistic traits, as well as some pointers for identifying when it’s time to walk on.

    How do I respond to a narcissistic boyfriend?

    To deal with a narcissist, follow these steps:

    Educate yourself. Learn more about the condition. It can assist you in better understanding the narcissist’s strengths and limitations, as well as how to deal with them. Knowing who they are may also help you accept the situation for what it is and set reasonable expectations for yourself.

    Set limits for yourself. Make sure you know what your limits are. It’s fine if it irritates or disappoints the narcissist. It’s important to remember that it’s not your role to manage that person’s emotions, according to Perlin.

    Don’t be afraid to speak out for yourself. Be direct and concise when you need something.” Perlin advises that you double-check that they comprehend your request.

    Keep an eye on how you say things. Manly claims that narcissists don’t handle constructive criticism well. Make remarks in a thoughtful, positive manner.

    Maintain your composure. If they try to pick a fight or gaslight you, try not to react (making you doubt your own reality). Consider them like a 3-year-old who feels rejected because their parent sets a bedtime, Talley advises.

    Make a network of people to help you. Living with a narcissist can make you feel insecure, confused, and self-conscious. “Make sure you have a supportive core group of people in your life,” Talley advises.

    Bring in a therapist. Although therapy will not cure your partner’s narcissism, it may assist you in resolving some issues. A counselor can show you how to deal with the narcissist’s problems.

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    What does a narcissist want in a relationship?

    Certain characteristics of the other partners in their relationships will help narcissists or other types of abusers. Some of these characteristics are listed below. If you’re a narcissistic abuser’s spouse (also known as a co-narcissist), utilize this list to help you make the necessary changes to protect yourself.

    Forgiving. Being with individuals who will forgive them for being hurtful is beneficial to narcissists. They will continue to harm you, thus they need to be with someone who does not carry grudges in order to stay in the relationship.

    Loyal. Loyalty is required by narcissists. That said, there is only one way to be loyal. Many narcissists demand commitment from their spouses while hypocritically betraying them; sometimes even cheating on them without remorse.

    Ignores the negative aspects. Only sees the positive aspects of others. Co-narcissists are prone to overlooking a person’s negative characteristics in favor of focusing on the positive. If the narcissist has a nasty temper, his or her spouse may overlook it in favor of focusing on how attractive he or she is. For obvious reasons, it is vital to overlook the negative in order to preserve a relationship with a narcissist.

    Possess a locus of control that is external. In other words, narcissists frequently target those who are not self-referential but rather other-referential; that is, they do not look inside for their decision-making, such as by asking How do I feel about this? Co-narcissists, on the other hand, evaluate decisions based on how the other person could react, with no regard for the self.

    Self-Sacrificing. Narcissists are drawn to partners who are willing to sacrifice themselves. Narcissists have no willingness to focus on the needs of their victims. He or she requires a partner who is willing to have no wants in order to ensure that only the narcissist is cared for.

    Overly conscientious. Victims of narcissistic abuse may unconsciously assume the obligations of others. Because narcissists are emotionally, relationally, and otherwise irresponsible, having a partner pick up the pieces keeps the process moving forward. Someone has to look after the kids and pay the bills, after all.

    Accommodating. Narcissists demand complete control over their lives. They have a tendency to be rule-following and commanding. They are unyielding. It is advantageous for narcissists to have spouses who are prepared to go with the flow and never raise a fuss about anything. You are exactly what a narcissist wants in his or her life if you are willing to not get your way, to be exceedingly flexible, and to bend and compromise your desires, schedule, wants, and requirements.

    If you suspect your partner is abusing you and exploiting your positive qualities, you can take action. You don’t have to cease having all of the amazing attributes described above; all you have to do is be sensible and show discretion while displaying them.

    Remember the saying, “Do not cast your pearls before swine”? When dealing with an abusive person, this quote comes in handy. You can still have these wonderful qualities, but you don’t have to show them off for others to enjoy. When dealing with someone who isn’t going to appreciate your attributes, you can cease being forgiving, loyal, externally focused, self-sacrificing, overly responsible, and accommodating. This is referred to as discernment and wisdom.

    How to put wisdom and judgment into practice:

    The lessons you’ve learnt from your life experiences are referred to as wisdom. If you’re reading this, you’ve already learned how to recognize a narcissist. You are probably aware of how this person has harmed you. This signifies that you have earned insight in exchange for your unfavorable experiences. You have a strong understanding of what it means to be in a poisonous and exploitative relationship. Wisdom advises that you ponder before you act.

    Discernment entails making decisions based on knowledge. You can decide when and with whom you will display your positive traits once you know your nice traits are being used as tools for your partner to influence you. Using the proverb Don’t toss your pearls before swine, you can make the sensible decision to only give your good qualities to those who deserve them and will put them to good use.

    What are the signs of a narcissistic boyfriend?

    When you initially start dating, a narcissist, like anybody else you date, wants to win you over. The difference is that a narcissist takes it a step further, love bombing you with care and attention in order to get you addicted to their love.

    A narcissist, according to Zung, will likewise desire to move quickly in a new relationship. “They want to move in as soon as possible, have their names on your accounts, and have complete control over your life before you have a chance to discover out who they are.”

    However, once you’ve fallen for them, they abruptly withdraw and only text, call, or visit you on rare occasions, if at all. The narcissist may depart without warning, just to reappearance in the same manner.

    Where the narcissist once complimented you and called you lovely, they may suddenly have little or nothing pleasant to say. They tell you they no longer want to establish a life with you, despite the fact that they previously spoke and acted as if they did. These strategies are designed to make you feel insecure in your relationship, leaving you yearning for their next burst of affection.

    According to Zung, “It will be much more difficult to remove them from your life, and they will be able to maintain power over you.”

    How do you tell if a narcissist loves you?

    At whatever cost, they can’t endure disappointments or rejection. You must do things their way if they want you to. Otherwise, there will be repercussions. They become unpleasant, fight with you, or worse, emotionally abuse you to the point where you no longer love them. They utilize all of these methods to force you to do whatever they want.

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    What a narcissist does at the end of a relationship?

    Narcissists can become belligerent, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more dominating after a relationship ends. People with NPD frequently fail to comprehend the needs and values of others. They are hyper-focused on their egos and do not consider the impact of their actions on others. In many circumstances, they will go to any length to reclaim their control.

    Following are seven things a narcissist might do after a relationship ends:

    Blame It on You

    A narcissist will frequently try to instill feelings of guilt and shame in others. They may distort the story to blame their partner for the relationship’s demise. This helps them retain their inflated self-esteem and provides them the power to persuade others to sympathize with them.

    A blaming narcissist would say anything like this:

  • “You didn’t want to give the relationship a chance,” says the narrator.
  • “You’re deserting me just when I need you the most.”
  • “You don’t keep your promises”
  • “You’re too self-centered to be concerned about my needs.”
  • “You’re expecting too much of me.”
  • Fight It

    Some persons who suffer from NPD will object to the split. They can do it explicitly (“I’m not going to accept that”) or indirectly (“You’re being stupid.”). Let’s simply have a conversation about it”). Unfortunately, these tactics frequently exhaust the other person. After all, it may appear to be easier to stay than to fight.

    A fighting narcissist could say something like this:

  • If you’re looking for a “”You don’t mean what you say.”
  • If you’re looking for a “I’m not going to listen to you because you’re overreacting.”
  • If you’re looking for a “No, we’re sticking together; we said we’d figure it out.”
  • If you’re looking for a “You won’t be able to back out now.”
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    Make You Jealous

    People with NPD frequently try to make their prior partners envious in order to “get even.” They might find a new companion quickly and share photographs and mushy words about them on social media.

    Their purpose is multi-fold: they want you to believe they’ve moved on and are happier without you; they also want you to doubt your intentions and second-guess why you ended the relationship; and they want you to believe they never cared about you in the first place.

    Jealousy, unfortunately, may be effective. It can cause emotions of uneasiness and uncertainty, as well as a sense of needing to compete, leading to a desire to seek vengeance rather than move on.

    Guilt You Into Staying

    Many narcissistic abusers try to use guilt to exert control over others. In many abusive relationships, guilt is a major factor (i.e., you feel guilty about ending things despite knowing you want out). 1 If you have a habit of breaking up with someone just to get back together again shortly, it could be a sign that you’re suffering with guilt over prioritizing your own needs.

    Things a narcissist might say in an attempt to guilt you:

  • If you’re looking for a “If you leave, I’m going to murder myself.”
  • If you’re looking for a “Nobody else understands me as well as you do.”
  • If you’re looking for a “Are you really going to end this while I’m still suffering the loss of my mother?”
  • If you’re looking for a “I’ll be OK; I’ll simply be alone, I guess. “Let’s hope nothing awful happens.”
  • Promise to Change

    When people with NPD are threatened, they frequently make spectacular pledges to change. They may even make an effort to change at times, though these efforts are rarely sustained.

    It’s a common fallacy that narcissists are unaware of their own actions. In fact, new evidence indicates that persons with NPD are aware of their symptoms. 2 This awareness, however, frequently clashes with their insatiable desire for self-control, entitlement, and recognition.

    Here are some of the things a prospective narcissist might say:

  • If you’re looking for a “”Things are going to change.”
  • If you’re looking for a “I’m going to therapy to seek some aid.”
  • If you’re looking for a “I’m going to put a lot of effort into working on my anger.”
  • If you’re looking for a “You are correct. “I’m all set now.”
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    Stalk You

    Stalking is a major problem that affects roughly 1 in 6 women and 1 in 17 men at some point in their lives, according to study. 3 The stalking is usually carried out by someone they know. It can take numerous forms, including unexpected appearances, spying, and using cyber methods like as placing tracking devices or breaking into password-protected information.

    Feign Crises

    While some crises or disasters are unavoidable, someone with NPD will frequently use stressors to gain your attention. These crises are designed to make you feel bad, especially if they know how to manipulate you.

    Here are some things you might hear from a narcissist who is staging a crisis:

  • “I know we’re no longer together, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m waiting for the results of my worrying blood tests from the doctor.”
  • “Just wanted to let you know that my dog passed away”
  • “I hope everything is going well for you.” I’ve improved; I’ve just lost my job.”
  • Seek Revenge

    Unfortunately, persons with NPD frequently find it difficult to accept defeat, and if they feel attacked or endangered, they may resort to vengeance. People are more inclined to seek revenge when they are driven by power or a desire for prestige, according to study. 4 If the narcissist is unable to fight you or persuade you to change your views, he or she may attempt to harm you in other ways.

    Here are some of the things you might hear from a vengeful narcissist:

  • “I’m going to court with you.” “You’re never going to see the kids again.”
  • “You’re the evil guy here, and it won’t be long before everyone realizes it.”
  • “You’re going to be sorry”
  • What Is Narcissistic Injury?

    When a narcissist believes their self-esteem or self-worth is threatened, he or she suffers from narcissistic injury. The fake ego of the narcissist is exposed, creating misery and narcissistic wrath.

    Narcissists are highly sensitive people who have low self-esteem. They grow defensive and frustrated when their flaws are pointed out to them. Their conceits of grandeur are exposed, and their weaknesses are exposed.

    Triggers of a Narcissist’s Rage

  • They don’t get what they want, even if it’s absurd.
  • They believe they’ve been criticized, even if the criticism is constructive or delivered in a friendly manner.
  • They aren’t the focus of everyone’s attention.
  • They’ve been found breaching rules or failing to respect limits.
  • They have to answer for their acts.
  • In some way, their idealistic self-image was wounded.
  • They are reminded of their control, inadequacy, or embarrassment.
  • They have a sense of being out of control in their environment.
  • What is the best thing to say to a narcissist?

    You include yourself in the behavior by stating “we” rather than “I” or “you.” Because the narcissist is likely enraged that you tried to protect yourself, you might try to remind them that you’re all in this together, and it’ll be better for everyone if they stop.

    What do narcissists hate the most?

    Narcissists are well-known for lying or exaggerating certain facts in order to appear more powerful or impressive. They also do it to feel better about themselves and their place in society. As a result, it’s only natural that one of narcissists’ greatest worries is that their lies and exaggerations would be discovered. It’s not only that being called out would embarrass them or make them appear less than who they are; it also displays how weak and insecure they are to the rest of the world. It sends their entire artificial world crashing down around them, as narcissists believe the world revolves around them, as previously said. And a part of them understands deep down that they’re bending the truth as they weave their lies and exaggerations about their own accomplishments. And they get extremely nervous about the possibility of someone discovering their falsehoods the moment they start telling them.

    What kind of woman do narcissist like?

    A narcissist is drawn to a lady who is ambitious and has a powerful position. A normal man is typically intimidated by powerful women, but a narcissist isn’t terrified of them. He seizes the opportunity to be surrounded by a strong woman.

    An outgoing woman may believe she’s met her match – a man capable of standing up to her and loving her completely.

    You may believe that as a powerful person, you must have complete control over every issue. Recognize that you, too, are human, and that no matter how brilliant or well-organized you are, you require a relationship that allows you to surrender and be vulnerable without being used, a relationship that can build you up and support you.

    THE BASICS

    Narcissists see their spouses as trophies under their control, and they may expect obedience and adoration from them throughout the relationship. Manipulation of a spouse is emotional abuse, and narcissists will engage in some fairly heinous behavior if they believe they are losing control of their partner.

  • Jealousy is a negative emotion. When they are afraid of losing a partner’s interest, they may create situations that cause jealousy in their partners in order to gain power and control in the relationship. Narcissists with the most fragile egos may also induce jealousy in order to exact revenge on partners, test the relationship, prove relationship security, and boost their own self-esteem.
  • Shame. Narcissists will often try to make their spouses feel bad about any actions that the narcissist perceives as disrespectful or lacking in gratitude. Narcissists are master manipulators who have no qualms about distorting a partner’s words or behavior to make her feel guilty or sorry about things for which she has no need to feel bad.
  • Dangers. If a partner begins to exhibit independence or behaves in ways that contradict the narcissist’s expectations, narcissists often threaten to quit the relationship.
  • Love You, Love You Not: The Endless Cycle of Romantic Abuse

    Narcissists require their partners to appreciate them, and every day must be a “praise fest.” When they sense that their partner’s interest in them is waning or their passion for them is waning, they may become anxious to reclaim the person’s devotion. They may spend a lot of money on gifts or make over-the-top romantic grand gestures in order to get their lover to place them back on the pedestal.

    Running late for a date, needing to go into work early, hanging out with your friends, or forgetting to wear the attire that the narcissist intended you to wear can all cause worry and fear in a narcissist.

    Is the Narcissist or the Former Partner the “Crazy Ex”?

    Narcissists who excel at gaining others’ admiration and praise are more likely to experience a large number of broken relationships. They are skilled at seducing prospective mates in the hopes of finding someone “larger and better” who will make the narcissist feel “bigger and better” as well. They’ll also strive to make each new conquest believe they’ve been the victim of previous break-ups. They tend to exaggerate their own positive attributes while vilifying their ex-partners. It’s more likely that the “crazy present boyfriend or girlfriend” is the one who continues in a relationship with a narcissist; it’s not the exes that are crazy; they were smart and left the relationship.

    Blaming

    People in healthy relationships make allowances for their partners’ errors. When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you’re responsible for any bumps on the road or misunderstandings. Narcissists are unwilling to accept responsibility for any interpersonal or personal issues. Because any harm to their self-esteem is simply not allowed, narcissists blame others for their own inadequacies. You may come to accept that you are less than your partner, to minimize yourself, and to take criticism as deserved, whether or not it is.

    Expectations of Perfection

    Unfortunately, those who choose to stay in relationships with narcissists are most likely in mutually reliant rather than interdependent relationships with their partners. Narcissists seek mates who are positive mirrors of themselves. They desire to have complete control over their partners in a variety of ways, such as what they wear, how they speak, who they see, and so on.

    Yoyo Dynamics

    When a narcissist tightens their grip on a partner’s self-expression, their partners may fight back, which causes narcissists to lose their calm and succumb to their fear. The relationship can resemble a yoyo in that you try to get some distance but end yourself falling back into previous behaviors. This might continue until the narcissist tires of you or you no longer fulfill their wants.

    Boundary Setting Is a Challenge

    Narcissists can’t deal with a partner’s limits because they can’t see a partner existing outside of the relationship. Narcissists objectify individuals and use them to suit their own demands; they don’t comprehend what partners need in terms of space and autonomy. If you try to claim some space for yourself while being used to prop up a narcissist’s ego, the narcissist may believe you are attempting to take away a piece of their own identity. In the eyes of the narcissist, your devotion to the narcissist’s wants is a measure of the narcissist’s self-worth. When you take a step back, narcissists will strive even harder to get you back into their lives.

    Narcissists and the Elusive Friendships

    When you have to play the position of sycophant or superfan all of the time when you’re with a narcissist, it’s not a lot of fun. Narcissists have a hard time admitting that connections founded on a master/lackey model don’t last. The narcissist is unable to comprehend the normal flow of “give-and-take” friendships. It’s not that narcissists try to alienate potential friends; in fact, they may not even know it.

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