When Your Boyfriend Says Another Girl Is Pretty

According to relationship specialists, the quick answer is yes. It’s actually a lot more prevalent than you might think. Attraction to others was normal even in happy, committed, monogamous partnerships, according to the study.

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Is it OK for my boyfriend to look at other females?

Imagine this: you’re having a lovely night out with your boyfriend (or husband) in your favorite restaurant when a woman passes by your table. You watch as the man you love turns his head, looks her in the eyes, and lingers a little too long on her breasts or backside.

There’s an outburst of feeling, including jealousy, rage, pain, and insecurity. A barrage of questions floods your mind: Does he really want her? Is he of the opinion that she is more attractive than I am? Is he no longer interested in me?

Does this ring a bell? That’s because it’s likely to happen to any woman at some point in her life. Because, let’s face it, men are visual creatures. To be clear, that includes all guys, not just your man, single men, players, cheaters, and womanizers, but all men.

Take me, for example. My partner and I have been together for over four years. I adore and respect her. I want to be with her for the rest of my life. I would never break her trust by sleeping with another man. But I take a look. When a beautiful woman goes by, I can’t help but notice her. I can’t help but be drawn to women with particular features, and I can’t help but react in this way. It’s in my blood. And I’m not the only one.

It’s also very normal for women to experience a visceral, emotional reaction when they notice their partner is staring at them.

What “The Look” Means

  • He thinks she’s physically appealing.
  • A chemical reaction occurred in his brain when he saw her. Dopamine and serotonin were released, causing him to experience an involuntary surge of pleasure.
  • In a very innocuous and innocent way, a part of him wants her or wonders what it would be like to be with her.
  • You might be sexually attracted to Denzel Washington or Channing Tatum and wonder what it would be like to date them… but you wouldn’t do it.

    He might be interested in her as a sexual partner in an alternate reality when he is unmarried and unattached.

    What It Doesn’t Mean

  • He thinks she’s more attractive than you.
  • He’s not interested in you.
  • He doesn’t like you or your connection.
  • You don’t make him happy.
  • He doesn’t think you’re (beautiful, slender, sexy, loving, affectionate, etc.) enough.
  • You should be enraged with him, envious of her, or self-conscious about your appearance or body.
  • He is disloyal or about to be unfaithful to you.
  • Your relationship is failing
  • Simply put, the way he looks has nothing to do with you. There are many lovely things in the world – flowers and sunsets, wonderful works of art – but none is more beautiful than a woman’s body. When your man admires a painting or sculpture, it doesn’t take anything away from you. When he looks at another lady, it doesn’t change his feelings for you.

    The look is essentially just that: recognizing and embracing beauty when we see it.

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    Why Men Look At Other Women

    Sexual attraction and emotional connection may not always go hand in hand for males. On a strictly physical level, we can be attracted to women. Women with whom we have no emotional connection or compatibility can turn us on. We can be head over heels in love with one woman, completely devoted to her, and still be drawn to other women. In reality, science implies that we are powerless to stop it.

    Men and women are lured to potential partners in vastly different ways, according to a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2013. Women are more attracted to guys who are acquainted to them, preferring males who are similar to their existing spouse and evaluating men as more appealing the more they see them. Men, on the other hand, are drawn to novelty. We are drawn to the new and different, and we are drawn to a variety of women with a variety of features and body shapes.

    This is commonly thought to be the outcome of evolution. In general, women evolved to be spouses and mothers, nurturers and caretakers, whereas we males are programmed to secure the survival of our genes through reproduction “We are “sowing our seeds” as widely as possible. Our eyes are built to roam, in a sense.

    It is a biological inclination, not a personal choice. And it’s usually followed through on before the slower, more deliberate decision-making process takes over.

    Men’s normal sexual drives and impulses are additionally worsened by over-sexualized media and advertising. We are constantly bombarded with sexual images and innuendo intended to sell us everything from automobiles and cologne to beer and cheeseburgers. Models are generally excessively made-up, airbrushed, and altered to portray an unachievable ideal of beauty “Aesthetics.”

    When It’s A Problem

    While it is natural for men to notice and adore other women, and even fantasize about them, a mature and committed guy will not cross a line of respect. Staring is not the same as looking; it can be painful, embarrassing, and offensive. As I already stated, I am unable to control my initial reaction when I encounter an attractive woman. However, after the moment has passed, I swiftly return my focus to the love of my life, the lady to whom I am devoted.

    Red flags include looking, making inappropriate comments, touching, flirting, and (obviously) cheating. This type of behavior implies that a man is either not mature enough to control himself, or that he doesn’t respect or care enough about you (or women in general) to control his urges. In any case, it doesn’t bode well for your union’s future…

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    Why Didn’t I Notice Before?

    A man’s wandering eye doesn’t usually become an issue until a couple has been together for a year or more, and the magical period has passed “The “honeymoon period” is over.

    It’s easy to imagine that just because the passion has faded, your spouse is no longer interested in you and is exploring for other possibilities. But this isn’t always the case. There are at least two reasons why this scenario hasn’t come up until now, and neither of them implies that your partner is no longer interested in you.

    For one thing, we are literally in the early phases of a new romance “”I’m on a love high.” When we see, or merely think about, our lover, our brains release a powerful and addictive chemical combination. This natural euphoria can frequently be enough to push all thoughts of other ladies out of our heads, lowering or eliminating our wandering eyes.

    Second, both partners tend to idealize each other during this passionate, new love phase, completely dismissing unpleasant behaviors and features. Even if your spouse does notice another lady in front of you, you may be so enamored with him that you overlook it or unconsciously filter it out.

    The honeymoon, however, comes to an end after a year or two, or three at the most. The way our brains respond to our relationship changes over time, affecting how we feel and act when we’re together. His old hunter-gatherer instincts kick in as strong as ever for him, and he finds himself captivated to every lovely lady who crosses his way once more. And she can’t continue to be blissfully unaware. She detects his roving eye, and if she’s ever been duped before, it’ll reawaken old wounds and bring any insecurities to the surface.

    For me and my relationship, this was clearly the case. I was so enamored with my sweetheart for the first year or two that I barely noticed other women. It was the first time I’d ever seen something like this, and it was breathtaking. My eyes began to wander again as that initial, blazing intensity began to cool. My brain chemistry was shifting, not because I had lost interest in her. Our relationship was entering a new era, and the chemistry was shifting for both of us.

    A love affair is smooth and effortless up until this point, as both parties are swept away by the raging tempest of their mutual attraction. However, in order for a relationship to endure through this phase, both parties must be completely honest, committed, and communicate well.

    Don’t Assume.

    If you see your man staring at another lady, don’t take it too seriously. Keep in mind what it means and, more importantly, what it does not signify. A single gaze does not imply betrayal. Remember that he still likes you, that he cares about you, that he is dedicated to you, and that he loves you. He chose you over all the other ladies in his life.

    Set Realistic Expectations.

    When we hold our spouse to impossible standards, we set ourselves up for disappointment, bruised feelings, rage, and frustration. No one comes out on top. We need to be honest with ourselves about human nature and sexual desire. There are many gorgeous women in the world, and you aren’t the only one who appeals to your man. You can’t expect him to ignore or look at other ladies all of the time.

    Tell Him How You Feel.

    Tell your partner if his wandering glance hurts your feelings or makes you feel insecure. Use nonviolent communication whenever possible. Without condemning, shaming, or accusing him, express your true feelings.

    Set Healthy Boundaries.

    If your spouse is serious about making your relationship work, he will work with you to establish some healthy limits. He shouldn’t look at her too much, for too long, or too openly. He should make every effort to avoid making you feel uneasy (or other women, for that matter). Most importantly, he should make it apparent to you that he still wants and cares for you, that he is still attracted to you, and that he is devoted to your relationship, by both his words and his actions.

    Men, like women, want love and emotional connection in order to be happy and fulfilled. Many societal myths and prejudices portray males as emotionally insensitive and solely motivated by their sexual desires. But the truth is that we males, like women, require contact, love, and affection.

    A good man understands this and lives his life in accordance with it. He understands that an emotional and spiritual link is more gratifying than a one-night encounter, and that sex is far more meaningful, deeper, and enjoyable when you share a deep bond with your partner. His feelings for you are stronger than his sexual desires. He neither denies nor suppresses his instincts, nor does he act on them rashly. He looks respectfully and appropriately, but he does not touch.

    Above all, he goes out of his way to show you that you are his top priority; that he loves you, that he cares for you, and that you are the one he selects, the one he wants, and that he is yours and yours alone out of all the beautiful ladies he sees every day.

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    Is it normal for my boyfriend to have a crush on another girl?

    It’s quite natural to have a crush on someone other than your partner while you’re in a relationship. It also doesn’t imply that you’re a shady girlfriend or a horrible spouse, or that your marriage is in trouble.

    Crushes are typical in relationships, according to psychotherapist Samantha Rodman, particularly after a couple has been together for a long period.

    Rodman, who is headquartered in North Bethesda, Maryland, said this: “It’s extremely typical and may have nothing to do with happiness in the relationship overall.” “Crushes make people feel attractive and alive, and they’re common even when people are deeply committed to their spouses but their relationship has passed the swooning honeymoon stage.”

    According to Ryan Howes, a psychotherapist in Pasadena, California, being married doesn’t mean you cease meeting or observing attractive, appealing people out in the world.

    “”You won’t stop observing or feeling attraction toward others. Those feelings are automatic and honestly beyond our control.”

    “Crushes make people feel attractive and alive, and they’re common even when people are deeply committed to their spouses but their relationship has passed the swooning honeymoon stage.”

    What you have control over is how you handle the crush. Do you obsess about it or simply acknowledge it and go on with your life?

    “It’s a choice between flirting, daydreaming, and fantasizing about this person, or having greater contact with them,” Howes explained. “In other words, while an initial attraction is unavoidable, it is up to you to nurture that attraction via thinking and action.”

    Relationship experts discuss why crushes can emerge throughout a relationship, when they cross the line, and what to do if you think your crush has grown into something more serious in the following sections.

    (Please note that this article focuses on monogamous, exclusive partnerships.) The rules may be different in open or polyamorous relationships; acting on crushes may be acceptable or even encouraged.)

    What does it mean if you develop a crush?

    In general, a crush, if it is genuine, is innocuous and isn’t always indicative of a deeper problem in the relationship.

    “”Just because someone has a crush on someone doesn’t indicate they want out of their relationship,” said Kathy Hardie-Williams, a marriage and family therapist in Portland, Oregon.

    But there’s undoubtedly a reason you’re feeding into that crush in the first place. It could be due to a personal issue (for example, you have a history of self-sabotage when things get serious), or it could be that you’re attempting to scratch an itch that your current relationship isn’t satisfying.

    “According to Howes, “people often talk about the crush meeting needs that aren’t being addressed in the committed relationship.” “For example, the relationship has become normal or monotonous, whereas their encounters with their crush are thrilling and engaging. Alternatively, their partner may not enjoy movies, but their crush does and wants to talk about them all the time.”

    “People frequently discuss how the crush fulfills demands that aren’t addressed in a committed relationship.”

    Perhaps your present companion is suffocating you and you’re looking for a way out. Perhaps you and your partner have struck a snag in your relationship and aren’t connecting or conversing openly. In other circumstances, the crush could be an attempt to make your partner jealous or to make them pay more attention to you if you’ve been neglected.

    “”The relationship’s flaws, whether temporary or permanent, may make the crush seem even more enticing.”

    Rodman suggests that you take some time to consider why you have a crush on this individual in particular. It could have more to do with you, your family, or your past relationships than with the person.

    “For example, a woman who has a crush on an older male who is an authority figure may wish for parental approval, or a socially timid man who has a love on an outgoing coworker may fantasize about being more confident with the support of a more extroverted woman.”

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    So when does a crush cross the line?

    If left unchecked, a crush that begins innocently enough may begin to cross the line into emotional affair zone. One telling sign: Is it your first reaction to notify your crush or spouse when you get good or negative news?

    “‘You know you’re a good fit when your partner is the first person you want to convey good news to, and the first person you want to tell bad news to,’ a mentor once told me,'” Howes added. “Is that confidant your boyfriend or girlfriend? You’re in perilous area if your crush begins to jeopardize your primary relationship’s physical or emotional intimacy, or if you fantasize about it happening.”

    It’s critical, according to Hardie-Williams, to be honest with yourself. Is it true in your heart? “Is it just a crush, or is there more to it?

    “You’re in perilous area if your crush begins to jeopardize your primary relationship’s physical or emotional intimacy, or if you fantasize about it happening.”

    “”There’s a clear distinction between an emotional affair and a crush,” she explained. “It’s also impossible to have a crush on someone with whom you’ve previously been involved. That’s what history is for. “A crush isn’t an excuse or an invitation to go behind your significant other’s back.”

    So, what should you do if you think your feelings are more serious than that? For starters, don’t tell your crush, according to Hardie-Williams.

    “It might be difficult because the other person feels pressured to react or respond in the same manner. Also, don’t crush if you’ve had too much to drink. Have a plan in place to get out of a social event if things start to go out of hand.”

    Consider seeking the advice of a therapist if you’re having problems sorting out your feelings about this other individual on your own.

    “”Your emotions may be muddying the waters, and a third person could assist you in sorting things out,” Howes explained. “If you’re in a committed, exclusive relationship, you’ve struck a deal with yourself to only have one relationship at a time, and having a crush on someone else puts that deal in jeopardy.”

    Should you ever tell your partner about a crush?

    Our specialists say that there is no black-and-white solution to this problem. It is entirely dependent on you, your partner, and the nature of your connection.

    “”Some partners, especially if they are really secure and confident, may find it fascinating to think about you flirting with someone else,” Rodman stated. “Other partners will suffer severe consequences. You undoubtedly know whether your partner finds hearing about your inner world and former relationships scary or not.”

    Another issue to think about is why you feel obligated (or not compelled) to reveal your crush.

    “Is it better for you to tell your spouse because it relieves your guilt and suffering, or for them because it confirms their suspicions and they learn who they’re truly with?” According to Howes. “It would be best to keep it to yourself if it’s only good for you and would cause them undue distress. You may wish to tell if you truly believe it will benefit your partner, even if it is uncomfortable for you.”

    Finally, bear in mind that when crushes go too far, they divert focus and energy away from the genuine underlying issue, whether it’s a personal issue you’re dealing with or something wrong in the relationship.

    “”The energy should be directed toward addressing the internal dispute or fixing the problem within the partnership, not toward a nice external distraction,” Howes stated. “Perhaps your resolution entails working on yourself, your relationship, or breaking up with your spouse in order to pursue other possibilities. In any case, they’re both more important than flirting with a crush.”

    Can you be in love with 2 people?

    According to NYC-based relationship specialist Susan Winter and host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast, Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., there is no one-size-fits-all approach to romantic love, which means loving two people at the same time is conceivable. “Yes,” Winter says to Elite Daily, “but the way you’d love each person is different.” Dr. Jess argues that falling in love with more than one person isn’t much different from platonically adoring numerous people. “You can care for more than one intimate partner in the same way you can care for several friends, parents, children, and other people in your life,” Dr. Jess tells Elite Daily.

    Although loving two people at the same time can be difficult, those who are open to “non-traditional” relationship dynamics like polyamory can have loving relationships with multiple people at the same time. If you have a deep romantic relationship with two people, you should consider if traditional monogamy is providing you with everything you require. “Attachment feelings are not mutually exclusive,” explains Dr. Jess. “Because you love someone else, you don’t have to love them any less. This can be a challenging (and disturbing) attitude in a world that promotes monogamy as the ultimate form of romantic and sexual love, but loving numerous partners is desirable for many people from a practical and chemical standpoint.” If you’re interested in experimenting with non-monogamy, Dr. Jess says it’s critical to be honest with the people you’re romantically connected with.

    If you want a monogamous relationship, on the other hand, you’ll need to determine which relationship (if either) you wish to pursue. Winter advises, “There’s a cautionary tale to loving two people at the same time.” “You’ll lose them both if you don’t make a decision.” According to Dr. Jess, if you’re having a hard time letting go of one relationship and committing to the other, it could be a hint that you should look for partners who are open to non-monogamy.

    What does it mean when a guy keeps complimenting you?

    If you’re unsure whether or not a man is interested in you, one tell-tale indicator is that he seeks out more occasions to commend you. In fact, according to University of Kansas studies, it’s fairly prevalent. So when he compliments you, he’s essentially saying he likes you without having to say anything.

    It’s also crucial to pay attention to the type of complement he gives you. While a praise on your beauty is a sure sign he likes you, another sign is when he complements you on an emotional level rather than a physical level. When he compliments you on your kindness, sincerity, or loyalty to a buddy, for example, he’s going beyond the surface to show you how much he understands, appreciates, and cares about the real you.

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    As women, we understand how you feel.

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