When Your Husband Breaks Your Heart

Experiencing voluntary brokenness or a contrite heart as a result of dealing with one’s own sin concerns. My heart was broken involuntarily when I had to deal with the consequences of my husband’s pornography addiction. And I had to decide if I wanted to live as a victim or a victor.

I’ll tell you what, I know how to host a great pity party! Prepare to perform the B.E.D. boogie—blame, excuses, and denial—in your favorite gray sweatsuit and a quart of Ben & Jerry’s. I used to think I could be a party planner for other porn addicts’ wives because I had it down to a science. The issue is that other people don’t show up to pity parties. In reality, they’re usually a one-person show.

When I joined a secular support group, my pity parties came to an end. It’s not that I gained better coping skills, despite their best efforts. No, I looked around at the other attendees, who didn’t appear to know Jesus, and understood that many of them had earned lifetime memberships in the Pity Party Club. They didn’t have a chance. These women were poisonous to each other. They fueled each other’s negativity like yeast thrown into warm water, salt, and flour. But that’s where the metaphor falls apart, because these people didn’t produce anything worth enjoying, unlike freshly baked bread.

“Lord, is that really what it looks like to be better?” I recall wondering aloud one night after returning home from a support group. They all seem content to wear ‘Bitter’ name tags, in my opinion. I’m looking for something more. I don’t want to be bitter after going through all of this. I want to finish stronger than I started.”

What are your thoughts? Have you ever met someone who seems content to live in a pit? That is the one who is continually blaming, making excuses, or denying? Who better to imitate Eeyore than a low, looming storm cloud that rains bitterness and doom? Who wants to be a victim? Is she the same person that appears in your bathroom mirror? I sincerely hope not.

You have the same option as I did, no matter how your marriage destroyed your heart. You have the option of either enduring or growing from this experience.

“Do you want to be healed?” Jesus addressed the ill who had been there 38 years in John 5:6 at the Bethesda healing pool. He had a decision to make. You, too, share this sentiment. Pick a character to play. Are you a hero or a victim? Is it better or worse? It’s up to you whether you want to grow or go through it.

As a result of circumstances you would never have chosen, you can display a healthy, holy reaction and grow in your faith. You must make decisions regarding a few things in order to progress through the experience and emerge successful on the other side:

1. Make the decision to spend time alone with God, because it will not come to you. Allow your knees to buckle and surrender to God’s Word, His throne, His grace, and His glory, especially now. Accept His offer of solitude amidst the chaos. He will heat and rebuild your spirit in this forging area.

When you’re alone, you’re more likely to think of meeting Jesus. It’s just Jesus. Your heart, mind, and soul are focused solely on Him, not on your current situation. You expose your fresh, exposed wounds to the Healer’s healing balm. You don’t reject the challenges and sorrow, but you refuse to surrender to their power. You allow your thirsty soul to experience intimate communion with the Living Water when you enter seclusion. He satisfies and replenishes you in a way that only He can. Then He molds you into His image using your pliable soul.

2. Decide that God is the single source of your identity and that you are His property. It’s not uncommon to allow feelings of defeat to overpower you after an unintentional heartbreak. If you’re not careful, you can delude yourself into believing that life will always be unpleasant and terrible because God has abandoned you. Satan gains the upper hand as a result of this deception.

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Our God is wonderful. He provides you with a solid foundation on which to stand. “He drew me up from the abyss of ruin, out of the mucky bog, and planted my feet on a rock, securing my steps” (Psalm 40:2). Choose to think He is watching out for you. He is on your side. He has faith in you. He will not let you down. He will provide you with both strength and rest. He loves you and wants you to walk in victory with Him forever, not just for a short time. In the midst of your suffering and sacrifice, you are His witness to faith. These are some of the facts He wants you to be aware of.

Have you ever met someone who was pleasant but plainly not interested in forming a new friendship, leaving you feeling like you were just going through the motions? You have the ability to do the same to God. You can go through the motions of meeting with Him but not respond with your heart or be open to His work in your life.

You must endure through the agony until you discover the meaning of this event if you are to grow from it. You’ll also discover healing there. Nothing will ever be able to separate you from His love since you are His child.

3. Make the decision to be grateful. Yes, I’m grateful. Don’t worry; gratitude enhances the positive rather than minimizing the negative. Gratitude is a humble and sincere attitude of faith.

Your anguish is palpable. You can be honest about that fact without allowing it to overshadow the numerous blessings God bestows on you every day.

4. Decide not to look back on your repentance with regret or guilt. Growing is a forward, upward journey through this experience. It is a climb. Wherever you are now will not be where you will be when it’s all over. Keep in mind that you are only passing through, and resolve not to dwell on your previous faults.

FREE GUIDE: Healing Your Marriage

Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

Remember what occurred to Lot’s wife when she turned around to gaze at him (Genesis 19:16-26)? Consider it your “Get out of Sodom free” card if God has liberated you from past habits, choices, and attitudes in His kindness. Don’t look back when you flee from your former life!

“Because Christ has set us free, remain firm and do not succumb to a yoke of slavery again” (Galatians 5:1). You must make a decision. Is it better to get through it or to grow through it?

Before You Continue…

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Take time to grieve

Try to think of the loss of the relationship as a grieving process if at all possible.

“Allow yourself some time. “Don’t look for someone new right away,” Bottari advises. “The best thing we can do is try to honor our feelings rather than judge them.”

It may be beneficial to rephrase your thinking in order to validate your emotions. Rather than thinking, “I shouldn’t be sad,” Bottari suggests thinking, “I am experiencing sadness, and that’s OK.”

While some people take time to be alone, reflect, or consult a therapist to work through the complex emotions following a breakup, others may conceal painful feelings and rush into another relationship. “That is not something I recommend. “We need time to mend what has been broken,” Moffa argues.

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Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

“We need time to examine ourselves and see what patterns we may have brought into our connection with us that are no longer working. “We must tend to our wounded hearts and allow time, care, tenderness, and better self-understanding to allow the healing to take place,” she says.

Find a new source of joy

Moffa claims that making time for self-inquiry and self-reconnection might lead to reconnecting with what once provided you calm, joy, or inspiration but was placed on hold during your relationship.

“We may be more willing to say ‘yes’ to new things, people, and experiences in order to explore a newfound sense of freedom, even if it hurts,” she explains.

Bottari advises that you force yourself to do things even if you don’t feel like it. “Even if you meet a friend for lunch, chances are you’ll return home feeling better than if you stayed at home,” she says.

Make a list of what you like about yourself

Make a list of all the positive things you did for your last relationship or all the traits they liked about you — and the qualities you like about yourself — when you’re feeling down about yourself.

You can also find making a list of positive things you’ll do in future relationships beneficial.

FREE GUIDE: Healing Your Marriage

Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

If you’d rather not focus about relationships, Bottari recommends looking out self-affirmations on the internet, such as:

“When you’re thinking negative or self-defeating thoughts, recite these,” Bottari advises.

Acknowledge thoughts about your former partner

If you have thoughts about your ex, try not to stop or block them. Instead, practice becoming a “witness” to these thoughts, according to Bottari. Take a step back and acknowledge the thoughts as they arise.

“You’re aware that you’re having them; they’re passing through your thoughts.” You keep an eye on them. “You get in the habit of noticing and then letting go,” she explains.

“You are no longer witnessing them the moment you pay attention to one and identify it as ‘important.’ You are now passing judgment on them. Because your expectations were not realized, judging brings up even more negative emotions.”

Express your needs to others

If you’re not feeling well enough to go out with your pals or are having trouble keeping your obligations, consider sharing your feelings with others.

“At this moment, try to reconsider your needs and let others know what you’re going through,” Bottari advises. “Many individuals have felt the same way, and they will understand if it takes some time for you to go back to normal.”

Turn your attention toward others

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Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

When the pain of a breakup is too much to bear, focusing on the needs of others might help you feel better and divert your attention away from yourself, adds Bottari.

Consider volunteering at a soup kitchen or animal shelter, assisting a friend in need with food or cleaning, or mowing the lawn of a neighbor.

Allow emotions to flow

Talking about your feelings regarding your split or ex-partner with a trustworthy friend, family member, or therapist may be beneficial.

Consider writing down or meditating on your sentiments if you don’t feel comfortable revealing them completely. You could also take up another activity, such as painting, to help you get your thoughts out.

What are the signs of a broken heart?

Broken heart syndrome has yet to be pinpointed as to what causes it. When your body reacts to physical or emotional stress, stress hormones such as adrenalin, noradrenalin, epinephrine, and norepinephrine are released into your bloodstream. Experts believe that these hormones temporarily impair the function of your heart.

  • Causes a temporary enlargement of a portion of your heart (the lower part of your left ventricle).

What are the symptoms of broken heart syndrome?

Symptoms can appear anywhere from minutes to hours following a stressful incident. The production of stress hormones temporarily paralyzes your heart muscle in broken heart syndrome, causing symptoms that are similar to those of a heart attack.

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A tiny minority of individuals with broken heart syndrome are unable to pinpoint any stressors that may have precipitated their episode.

How do you tell your husband he hurt your feelings?

It’s important to stay cool while deciding how to tell someone they’ve damaged your feelings. While it’s tough not to get angry when you’re frustrated, keeping your cool will improve your relationship in the long run. “Don’t seize the chance to lash out andon them if they’re laughing and making a joke out of something that has wounded your feelings,” Masini advises. “This will simply expedite a battle. You want to express your feelings, but if you become offended or furious, you’ll miss out on the opportunity to start a conversation.”

Be specific instead. Express your injured sentiments gently rather than with fury by expressing the exact words they used that affected you. It’s quite acceptable to be furious, but if you can avoid yelling at your partner, you might be able to get your message over more effectively.

Does heartbreak ever go away?

According to Durvasula, most people begin to acclimate to life without their ex within six weeks. “It might be much faster, but it’s usually not much longer,” she explains. “I often encourage my clients, “Give everything six weeks before you think you can’t handle it.”

If all else fails and you’re still stuck in a rut after months, counselling can be the answer. “A breakup may sometimes truly throw you for a loop in a way that goes beyond what a buddy can supply,” Durvasula explains. “Therapy can provide a safe area for you to talk it out, share your anxieties, and address any old issues that the breakup brings up, as well as prepare your heart and mind to go out there again.”

How can I be happy in a broken marriage?

Do you have any activities that you enjoy on your own? Are there any solo activities that you’ve always wanted to explore but haven’t had the chance to do so?

FREE GUIDE: Healing Your Marriage

Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

Now is a perfect moment to start reading them and take a break from the tension of your miserable marriage.

Small breaks where you can concentrate on something else, learn something new, and get away from the tension will help you maintain a more positive mental state.

Engage in self-improvement and exercise.

Self-improvement is a fantastic approach to boost your self-confidence and happiness.

Find a workout program that you enjoy and incorporate it into your daily routine.

What happens to your body when your heartbroken?

Though we may not understand why sadness affects our bodies in the manner it does, the consequences are numerous and can be crippling.

“I’ve even seen patients who have had a stroke or heart attack as a result of the stress of a breakup,” says Nesbitt, who adds that while these are extreme examples, they “illustrate how intensely we suffer emotional anguish.”

Heartbreak, according to Jennifer Kelman, a licensed clinical social worker and life coach, can cause appetite changes, a lack of enthusiasm, weight loss or increase, overeating, headaches, stomach pain, and a general feeling of being ill. It’s a fine line to walk between treating the symptoms of sadness and letting the person to mourn the loss of a relationship.

“Some of the most frequent emotional reactions to heartbreak following a breakup are depression, anxiety, and withdrawal from friends, family, and customary activities,” Kelman explains. “It’s a catch-22 because, although we want people to experience their emotions and lament their losses, we also don’t want them to become isolated, depressed, or anxious.”

Give yourself permission to grieve

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Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

According to Palumbo, grief is different for everyone, and the greatest thing you can do for yourself is to allow yourself to feel all of your sadness, anger, loneliness, and guilt.

“By doing so, you may unknowingly give others around you permission to feel their own pain as well, and you will no longer feel alone.” You might find that a friend has been through something similar and can give you some advice.

Take care of yourself

It’s easy to forget about your own needs while you’re going through a difficult time. Grieving, on the other hand, is not just an emotional but also a physical process. Physical and emotional pain do, in fact, travel through the same neural pathways in the brain, according to study.

Deep breathing, meditation, and exercise can all help you maintain your energy levels. But don’t be too hard on yourself about it. Making an effort to eat and remain hydrated can make a big difference. Take things slowly and steadily, one day at a time.

Lead the way in letting people know what you need

According to Kristen Carpenter, PhD, a psychologist at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center’s Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine, “everyone copes with loss in their unique way.”

She suggests being clear about whether you prefer to grieve alone, with the help of close friends, or with a large group of people via social media.

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Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

According to Carpenter, putting your requirements out there will spare you from having to think of something on the spur of the moment, and it will allow someone who wants to help you to help you and make your life easier by crossing something off your list.

Write down what you need (aka the ‘notecard method’)

  • Make a list of everything you require, including both practical and emotional assistance. Mowing the lawn, going food shopping, or simply talking on the phone are all possibilities.
  • When people ask how they can help, give them a note card or let them pick something they think they can help with. This reduces the pressure of having to explain your demands when someone asks.

Go outdoors

Spending just 2 hours a week outside can enhance your emotional and physical health, according to research. If you can get out to some lovely landscape, that’s fantastic. Regular walks around the neighborhood, on the other hand, can be beneficial.

Read self-help books and listen to podcasts

Knowing that others have gone through similar situations and survived can make you feel less alone.

Reading a book on your specific loss (we have some recommendations later in this post) or listening to a podcast about it can also give you with validation and be a helpful method to manage your feelings.

Try a feel-good activity

Set aside time each day to do something that makes you feel good, whether it’s writing, catching up with a close friend, or watching a funny show.

Seek professional help

It’s critical to share your feelings with others rather than numbing yourself. This is easier said than done, and it’s quite acceptable to require assistance.

FREE GUIDE: Healing Your Marriage

Use these simple techniques to revive your husband’s love for you, and make him devoted to you again!

A mental health expert can assist you in working through painful feelings if you realize that your grief is too much to bear on your own. Even two or three sessions can aid in the development of new coping mechanisms.

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