Why Am I Mean To My Boyfriend

Have you ever said something to your lover that was hurtful? Does his every move irritate you and make you want to scream at him?

Life’s stresses can get to us all at times, causing us to say things we don’t really mean. However, if this happens frequently in your relationship, something needs to change.

A relationship consists of two individuals who both deserve to be happy and cherished. It won’t last if it doesn’t.

Being cruel to your lover will damage his self-esteem, corrode your relationship’s trust, and cause him to love you less.

Whatever the reason for your outburst, keep in mind that he’s meant to be someone you care about. He is deserving of being handled with dignity.

Continue reading to learn why you’re treating your boyfriend badly and how to make amends before it’s too late.

Before You Continue…

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How do I stop being mean to my boyfriend?

Just because you’ve been in close proximity to each other doesn’t guarantee you’ve spent valuable time together.

Living together can make spending quality time even more difficult. Even when you see each other on a regular basis, that doesn’t guarantee you appreciate each other. Your boyfriend’s habits start to frustrate you; you fight about commonplace duties, and you start picking on each other when you’re angry.

What to do about it:

Quality time spent together is more important than quantity. You still need to schedule dates, no matter how long you’ve been together.

Make a fun activity and set aside a day to simply enjoy each other’s company. Getting away from your everyday routine will remind you of all the qualities you adore about your lover and why you chose to be with him in the first place.

The first step in figuring out why you’ve been cruel to your boyfriend recently is to figure out how you’re feeling.

It may sound straightforward, yet we rarely take the time to check in with ourselves and figure out what’s going on inside our heads. We don’t know how anxious, weary, or unhappy we are unless we take a minute out of our day to think about it.

It’s more about how you feel than it is about how he acts that you’re being cruel to your lover. The greatest approach to quit being cruel to him is to improve your own health.

Whatever the reason, you must apologize to your lover and resume your affectionate behavior. Whether or not they deserved what you said, and whatever it was that made you argue, snap, or become passive aggressive, you must admit that you weren’t pleasant and may have hurt his feelings.

It’s time to rekindle your relationship and yourself with some love. Decide whether your relationship is worth saving once you’ve worked on yourself and discovered the source of your anxiety.

If that’s the case, it’s time to start focusing on all of the great aspects of your relationship. You don’t have to be together, but you are, so focus on the positive aspects and embrace what you have before it’s gone.

Are you still stumped as to how to avoid being cruel to your boyfriend? Whatever the cause of your narcissistic behavior, working with a relationship professional will make it much simpler to break this bad habit. So why not chat online with one of Relationship Hero’s specialists who can assist you in figuring things out? To chat, simply click here.

Why do I say mean things to my boyfriend?

Saying nasty things in a relationship is not natural. During a dispute, something harsh may slip out unintentionally once in a while. You or your partner might immediately regret it and apologize. However, uttering cruel things during any type of disagreement is not at all normal.

When you are irritated, he says harsh things because he feels powerful. Because he most likely grew up with toxic parents who screamed at each other. Because he can’t manage his fury or his words, your boyfriend says nasty things when he’s angry.

If your partner is snarky and says harsh things, you will find yourself in a difficult situation that may lead to depression. When he’s upset, the greatest thing you can do is close your eyes and ignore anything he says. It’s fine if he apologizes later. However, if his behavior continues to bother you, seek relationship counseling.

When people are furious, they have a propensity of speaking harsh things, but they afterwards claim they didn’t mean a word of it. They’d apologize and do everything they could to make sure you weren’t upset any longer. It’s simple to forgive someone who said nasty comments in the situation. However, if this becomes a trend, you will not be able to forgive every time.


Use these easy techniques to “lock-in” a man’s commitment to you, and to make him love you FOREVER!

Why am I mean to the ones I love?

Couples who are emotionally wounded by each other on a regular basis is one of the most prevalent (and painful) relationship patterns we hear about. They both want to stay together, yet they continue to hurt each other through verbal abuse, physical rejection, taking each other for granted, breaching emotional trust, or bringing up the most sensitive things from their partner’s history. This is such a typical occurrence that it was the subject of the classic 1944 song “You Always Hurt the One You Love” by Allan Roberts and Doris Fisher, which included the strange closing line: “So if I crushed your heart last night, it’s because I love you most of all.” Huh? Clearly, that isn’t love.

What motivates us to do this? We cause harm to the one we love for a variety of reasons:

1) Unconscious re-creation of emotional trauma — as children, we all go through various levels of emotional pain and trauma. Unfortunately, anything we go through shapes our identities, whether it’s love, distance, drama, or verbal or physical assault. We may feel most alive or like ourselves as adults when we are feeling the same way we did as children, and we may unknowingly do things to get our spouse to provoke similar sentiments. A person who grew up with a lot of distance, for example, can be uncomfortable with intimacy and try to undermine it by initiating fights or avoiding connection. Alternatively, someone who grew up in a chaotic, theatrical household may feel uncomfortable with peace and quiet, causing confusion or drama in their relationships.

In addition, as adults, we fantasize about meeting someone who will finally offer us the love we never had as children. If we can’t acquire love from our original parent or carer, the next best thing is to get love from someone who has a personality that is extremely similar to the person who hurt us in the first place. Due to the intertwined nature of our emotional baggage, we’ll generally sense a lot of attraction, chemistry, and passion in our love with such mature partners.

But what we may not recognize is that the person with whom we fall in love possesses the ideal tools and personality to emotionally re-create our childhood traumas. Their concerns (and ours) are frequently awakened after the initial infatuation wears off and we are in a deeper, committed relationship. When they feel threatened, they will act in the same way that our parents or caregivers did. What’s the end result? We’re injured once more. Now it’s even worse, since the person we hoped would provide us with the love we never received is harming us. They are oblivious of their own unconscious barriers, not because they ‘love us most of all.’

2) We lack the knowledge and abilities to constructively convey our sentiments – many people see how they harm their partners and desire to change their conduct, but they don’t know how to change or how to communicate their feelings in a constructive manner. Our culture does a poor job of teaching us how to deal with our own emotions and how to transmit them to others in a safe and healthy manner. Men, in particular, may feel uncomfortable coping with feelings of fear or vulnerability, preferring to display rage or control instead.

So, how can we stop harming the one we care about? We must all take responsibility for clearing up and addressing our own prior emotional wounds. We must learn how to provide a safe environment for our partners to vent their emotions. We must learn to cultivate a loving presence in which we sincerely listen to and validate our partners’ feelings. We must learn to express our sentiments in ways that bring us closer together, rather than distance and hurt. We may need to undertake some joint work to figure out how and why we cause each other to react in cruel and destructive ways. We must respect the reality that we have access to the most sensitive and vulnerable areas of one other’s lives when we are in an intimate committed relationship. We must regard that as a precious privilege to which we must pay the utmost respect, not as a right to which we must trample for our own ego fulfillment.

We’re all on a spiritual path, and personal relationships give us a strong lens through which to see ourselves and our psychological and spiritual lessons. We can conceal ourselves from ourselves, our therapists, our bodies, our spiritual instructors, and our friends, but we cannot conceal ourselves from the one we love and who loves us. Through this mysterious and lovely process we call love, all of our stuff will finally come to light. When it happens, we have the option of defending, judging, attacking, or fleeing. Alternatively, we can choose to be present, to look within with compassion and love for ourselves, and to be grateful that this element of ourselves has surfaced. Then we can clearly understand that any part of ourselves that causes harm to others is simply a part of ourselves that requires more love. We hurt the one we love from this perspective in order to learn to love ourselves and others more unconditionally, sincerely, and completely. We heal our partners’ scars by loving and mending ourselves, because we make it safer for them to completely be who they are, and to experience the deeper Oneness and enchantment that only love can bring to our lives.


Use these easy techniques to “lock-in” a man’s commitment to you, and to make him love you FOREVER!

How do I stop being so moody around my boyfriend?

You’re in a bad mood because your car won’t start, traffic is backed up, and you’re running late for work. Your employer was irritated, and you learned that a coworker had received the promotion you had hoped for.

Life can become daunting at times. We typically look for someone to blame in order to cope. Unfortunately, the person closest to us is frequently the target. Negativity projected onto a significant other, on the other hand, can make them mistrust your relationship and push you away.

Instead of blaming your partner, use these 5 ways to take control of your mood fluctuations.

  • Take some time to process things on your own. Make an effort to figure out how you’re feeling and regain control. Consider the pressures that are bothering you and figure out how to deal with them. When your partner asks, “How did your day go?” you’ll be better prepared to respond.
  • Take a step back and look at things from a different perspective. Things are rarely as horrible as they appear at first. The majority of day-to-day issues are annoyances rather than disasters. Recognize the difference and you’ll be able to adjust your mood from awful to neutral. (Never try to make yourself happy.) Shift your thinking and lessen your stress if something is only an annoyance.
  • Stop exacerbating the problem. Infecting your partner with your poor mood is harmful to both of you. Your negative emotions hurt them and eroded your relationship. To calm yourself and establish safety in your relationship, learn to self-process and share your feelings. As your partner realizes that you have the strength to deal with life’s unexpected twists and turns, intimacy will grow.
  • Seek assistance. When you’re in a terrible mood, stomping around and venting won’t make your partner want to enquire and help. Rather than rejecting your closest source of comfort, explain that you will need additional attention during this time, but that everything will be OK soon.
  • Maintain an optimistic attitude. Many individuals believe that if they just keep moving forward, the world will eventually correct itself and give them their due. Maintaining positive, in reality, necessitates effort. You will not see many people if you do not do positive acts. Instead, imagine what you’d like to receive and then push it out into the world.
  • Anger is a natural reaction to stressful events, and it may also be a beneficial way to express your feelings about something that has wounded you. Anger can be beneficial in the sense that it can inspire you to discover answers to particular issues.

    However, if you find yourself feeling hostile for no apparent cause, or if your anger becomes excessive, uncontrollable, or violent, anger can become a problem.

    How is anger typically expressed?

    Anger can be expressed in a variety of ways, including:

  • Ignoring others, withdrawing or becoming silent
  • yelling, yelling, yelling, yelling, yelling, yelling, yelling, ye
  • Threatening and swearing
  • Physical retaliation, such as throwing things or striking others
  • Self-harming behaviors such as cutting or hitting one’s head
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    What causes anger and anger problems?

    One of the most crucial steps in managing anger is identifying the source of it.

    Injustice, stress, financial troubles, family or personal problems, traumatic occurrences, or feeling unheard or unappreciated are all common causes of rage. Anger can be triggered by physiological processes such as hunger, chronic pain, fear, or terror for no apparent cause.

    Anger can also be a sign of a mental illness such bipolar disease, mood disorders, or eurosis. Hormonal imbalances can also cause it, such as increased cortisol levels induced by medicines or tumors, estrogen levels dropping right before menses, thyroid hormone imbalances, and so on.

    What can cause someone to be angry for no reason?

    While a person can become furious for a variety of reasons, including physical or mental issues, there are occasions when there is no clear explanation. You may be perplexed as to why you are feeling this way and why you are constantly tense.

    The following are some possible causes of unexplained outbursts of anger:

  • Weak boundaries: You may believe that people are taking advantage of you if you say yes to things when you truly want to say no, or if you are forced to do things for others that you don’t want to do. You may become fatigued and frustrated as a people-pleaser.
  • Sleep deprivation: You may be sleeping too little, being overworked, or staying up too late. This can make dealing with emotional issues more difficult.
  • Anxiety: People who suffer from anxiety often feel overwhelmed because they must work hard to control their emotions. If you have anxiety and are confronted with a difficult scenario, you may lose control without realizing it.
  • Feeling unappreciated or unacknowledged: Feeling unappreciated or unrecognized might lead to rage. Because you feel invisible or unappreciated in a relationship, you may become enraged with your spouse, children, parents, friends, or coworkers.
  • Depression: One of the less well-known symptoms of depression is anger. Irritability affects 10% of those with depression, while rage outbursts affect 40% of those with depression.
  • Issues with control: For some people, anger arises from a desire to be in charge of everything and being enraged when they are unable to do so.
  • Suppressing emotions: Because rage is a socially unacceptable emotion, many people strive to keep their genuine sentiments hidden. If you do this frequently, you may find that the more you push away or swallow your fury, the more angry you get.
  • Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD): Anger is a common symptom of OCD, affecting roughly half of those who suffer from it. OCD is characterized by intrusive obsessive thoughts, desires, or visions that lead to compulsive behavior.
  • Alcoholism: Alcoholism can lead to an increase in hostility. Your ability to think clearly and make sensible decisions is harmed by alcohol. It also inhibits impulse control, making controlling violent behavior more difficult.
  • Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD): People with ADHD are prone to becoming enraged for no apparent cause. Inattentiveness, hyperactivity, impulsivity, and a short temper are all symptoms of ADHD, a neurodevelopmental disease.
  • Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD): This behavioral problem affects school-aged children and causes them to be defiant, argumentative, and easily irritated by others.
  • Bipolar disorder: Anger, impatience, aggression, and wrath are some of the symptoms of bipolar disorder, a brain disorder that causes mood swings. These mood swings might range from euphoric manic periods to severe depressed spells.
  • Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS): People with IBS suffer uncontrollable angry outbursts that are often accompanied by physical hostility or violent behavior. They may have an out-of-control rage that is out of proportion to the event.
  • Borderline personality disorder (BPD): Depersonalization, mood swings, relational difficulties, and self-harm or suicide attempts are all symptoms of this illness. Because of abandonment issues, many people with BPD develop anger.
  • Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD): Anger can be a symptom of hormone fluctuations associated with PMDD, which is characterized by acute premenstrual tension, dramatic mood swings, and feelings of rage.
  • Schizophrenia: Hallucinations and delusions are common symptoms of schizophrenia. Anger is sometimes related with the disorder, which is triggered by the belief that others are trying to hurt the person. Violent behavior is a symptom of paranoid schizophrenia.
  • When to seek professional help

    Controlling anger, whether for obvious or obscure reasons, can be difficult at times. It’s critical to address an anger problem early on in order to avoid it growing to the point where you harm yourself or others.

    If your anger is affecting your relationships, making you feel perpetually unpleasant or hostile, causing you to lose control of your anger, or causing you to become physically aggressive, you should seek help.

    FREE GUIDE: Make Him Yours FOREVER!

    Use these easy techniques to “lock-in” a man’s commitment to you, and to make him love you FOREVER!

    What 4 words can ruin a relationship?

    You’re probably going to get into trouble the moment you start talking about how you’re feeling in sentences that begin with “You.” “You never listen to me!” you might exclaim. Only wishing to express how unheard you feel, yet the other person hears “It’s all your fault!”

    “You” is accompanied by a fictitious jabbing finger. It’s accusatory, and whatever you say following “you” will be regarded as an accusation if the recipient is already feeling sensitive, defensive, or emotional.

    What is unforgivable in a relationship?

    It could be unacceptable if your partner tries to control your ideas and behaviors, likes and dislikes, and circle of friends, among other things, as it demonstrates a lack of respect and a frightening, overbearing personality. If your partner is snooping on you, such as reading your texts or going through your journal, this is a wonderful example. He or she could then use this information to control or modify you.

    If your partner engages in any of these toxic behaviors, it may be time to call it quits. Of course, it will vary by individual, since some people are more forgiving than others, but in general, these behaviors are worth bearing a grudge for.

    Why do I push people away?

    In general, people do not shun intimacy because they detest others or desire to be alone.

    Yes, it happens rather frequently. It may be more difficult to adjust your conduct if you don’t understand why you drive others away. Identifying potential causes is a crucial first step toward recovering intimacy in your relationships.

    Fear of intimacy

    One method to avoid intimacy is to push people away. In reality, those who are fearful of being harmed in relationships may use avoidance as a protection technique.

    Even if you think you’ve moved on from a poor relationship, fears of rejection may still be lurking in your subconscious.

    As you begin to form a bond with a new partner, your natural impulse to defend yourself kicks in. After all, you don’t want to be rejected once more.

    Maybe you don’t think to yourself, “If I push them away before they get too close, they can’t injure me,” or try to push them away on purpose.

    Arguments and avoidance of emotional intimacy are examples of unintentionally performed actions, but the ultimate outcome is usually the same.

    Because the idea of being in a close intimate relationship makes you feel uneasy, you do everything you can to avoid closeness as a form of self-preservation.

    Attachment issues

    If your primary caregiver or parent does not consistently meet your requirements for intimacy and other emotional support as a child, you may develop a disordered or avoidant attachment style as an adult.

    You want to form deep ties with friends and romantic partners as an adult, but you’re afraid they’ll let you down like your caretaker did. You may have a tendency to form low-involvement or casual relationships that you may exit if things become too intense.

    You could also cycle between the want to pull or cling to your companions and the desire to push them away.

    Excessive clinginess can sometimes push partners away, particularly when relationship behaviors rapidly flip between a strong craving for intimacy and a harsh rejection of it.

    Low self-esteem or self-confidence

    People who lack confidence or have low self-esteem are more likely to drive others away.

    Perhaps you genuinely care for someone but mistrust your ability to maintain a long-term relationship or friendship.

    You would think:

  • You’ll make a mistake or disappoint them.
  • They don’t like you at all.
  • Eventually, they’ll abandon you for someone else.
  • You’ll put them off because you don’t think you’re good enough.
  • You don’t deserve a loving partner and a healthy relationship.
  • If you suffer from anxiety, depression, or another mental or physical ailment, you may be concerned about your capacity to support their needs and stay present in the relationship (even if this is probably not the case).

    Trouble trusting others

    Those who have been through the anguish of betrayal are more likely to have trust issues. It’s normal that you’d have a hard time getting over a prior spouse who cheated or lied to you.

    Broken trust is difficult to mend, and the consequences can last a lifetime, following you from one relationship to the next. What if you reach the intimacy you desire only to discover they, too, have been duped?

    Trust does not develop overnight, and it is quite acceptable to require some time before you feel confident in someone. Even so, a continuous lack of faith in someone who has never given you reason to question them can lead to some roadblocks.

    You may continually question or check in on them, or you may simply find it difficult to open yourself emotionally – neither of which is conducive to developing a healthy connection.

    Of course, you can have a hard time believing in yourself. This is frequently linked to self-assurance.

    If you’ve made mistakes in the past, you might be concerned about hurting your present spouse again. Guilt and self-doubt may cause you to push them away in order to protect yourself.

    How do I stop being so mean?

    Do you want to be kinder without doing anything? Stop making judgments on other people’s appearances. While you may believe what you’re saying is flattering, some people feel uneasy when they believe their appearance is being assessed. That person you’re complimenting on their weight reduction might be suffering with a health issue, while the one you think “looks tired” might be fine—and neither of them is likely to appreciate your remarks. Start with the 20 Compliments Women Can’t Resist when you do want to provide some admiration.

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    As women, we understand how you feel.

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