Why Do I Get Mad When My Boyfriend Drinks

Alcohol has an effect on the brain, lowering inhibitions and making us feel more confident. Lower inhibitions, on the other hand, can lead us to say or do something we later regret. This can lead to disagreements.

Alcohol affects the brain, impairing our capacity to think clearly and act properly. It can also make people angry.

While alcohol may not always be the direct cause of a person’s aggressive behavior, evidence shows that it is frequently a significant factor, and some people even become violent as a result of it.


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How do I tell my partner I don’t like them drinking?

They may already be disturbed, frightened, or guilty about their drinking. If they believe they are being attacked, they may become defensive or’switch off.’

  • ‘I’d like to speak with you about something: I believe your drinking is giving you issues.’
  • ‘You seem to be drinking more recently, and I think it’s affecting us negatively.’

When is drinking a problem in a relationship?

Many couples enjoy going out and drinking together, whatever that means to you. Some couples prefer to sleep through the night and forget about it. Others would rather have a single glass of wine over dinner and then return home. Some couples drink at home while watching movies, or one member in the relationship drinks while the other prefers to stay sober. The majority of these things are commonplace, and the routines usually come effortlessly based on who you are. So, how can you know when your partner’s drinking has become a problem?

Whether one of you or both of you are going too far, it’s critical to recognize the red flags before things get out of hand. Violence, conflict, infidelity, jealousy, economic uncertainty, and divorce are just a few of the issues that have been shown to frequently co-occur with alcoholism. I’d like to talk about a couple of these concerns, as well as others that I’ve noticed hurting my friends and family, as well as what I’ve witnessed in my own relationships.

  • Alcohol is marketed as a “truth serum,” but as everyone who has used it knows, it can lead to a catastrophic lack of trust, particularly in close relationships. If only one spouse drinks and begins to feel nervous about their habits, they will frequently lie to their partner about it to avoid being judged or embarrassed. Even if this spouse is open about their drinking, alcohol affects judgment and increases the tendency to lie because it is easier to do so when the repercussions are so far away. Alcoholics are more likely to lie, steal, and have many personalities than non-alcoholics. It is not uncommon for this individual to come to regret their decisions when sober and not feel the same way, whether it is stealing to fund their habits or because they can. Alcohol brings out a different element of a person’s personality that the sober person may not agree with. This is when alcohol in a relationship becomes a problem: if you can’t trust someone while they’re intoxicated, you probably shouldn’t socialize with them when they’re sober.
  • Drinking is not only a costly pastime, but it also prevents you from earning money the next day. If the habit becomes too strong, it can prevent a person from earning any money at all, instead causing them to sink into a deep hole of waiting for the next drink. If alcohol is preventing a person from sustaining themselves or their family, it is a problem.
  • If you and your partner have children, now is a good moment to rethink your drinking habits in terms of how it might affect them. Alcohol impairs judgment and reactions, and youngsters don’t always realize that drinking is the cause. A child who grows up with an alcoholic parent may assume that their parent’s irrational reaction to their behavior is their responsibility, rather than admitting that it is due to their parent’s alcoholism or inebriation. Adults under the influence of alcohol are rarely able to cater to these characteristics, leaving a youngster confused and distressed.
  • Routine can be beneficial! Alcohol, for example, can be poisonous since it impairs your capacity to stick to your schedule. If you notice that alcohol is making you sick or preventing you from carrying out your everyday responsibilities, it is most certainly an issue in your relationship. Frustration, impatience, and even aggressiveness might result as a result of this. Being drunk is always a risk, but if you and your partner are finding that it is affecting your relationship negatively, it may be time to find a new activity.
  • Life is lovely, but it’s even more so when you’re in love. If you or your spouse find yourself drinking to feel better about your relationship or life in general, it’s generally bad. Aggression and violence are two difficulties that might arise from this mindset. It’s critical to get treatment if hostility and violence have become a problem in your relationship. If you’re unhappy with your life or your relationship before adding alcohol to the mix, it’s time to reevaluate and figure out why before trying to fix it.
  • When alcohol becomes a problem in a relationship, it might become a priority in one’s life. As addiction takes hold, people begin to anticipate the next drink with bated breath. Going to a pub after work can become more important than going home to a spouse, or it can become impossible to converse with each other without a drink in hand. Always prioritize yourself and your partner over any other flimsy habits.
  • Alcohol is known to cause sexual dysfunction or indifference. It could be one person or both, but be careful of your sexual behaviors, especially if they appear to be consistent. If they aren’t, it’s time to think about why.

Alcohol has a significant impact on our culture, communities, families, and interpersonal relationships. And it has serious and terrible consequences for those we love all too often. It is critical to be acutely aware of the existence of alcohol in our lives and its impact on our loved ones, as well as to recognize when we believe it is becoming a problem.

Can a relationship work if one person drinks?

Researchers in the United States discovered that older couples who share similar drinking habits have healthier relationships.

“We are particularly happy by the findings because they reveal that the effects of drinking genuinely depend on the setting of the marriage,” University of Michigan researcher Kira Birditt told The Huffington Post’s Abigail Williams.

In other words, when it comes to getting along with your partner, whether or not you drink can actually make you feel happier in your relationship, as long as you’re both drinking. Abstention is also effective — as long as you’re both doing it.

However, if your drinking habits aren’t compatible – for example, one person drinks while the other doesn’t – the researchers believe it’s more probable that your relationship will suffer.


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“The study indicates that it’s not about how much people drink; it’s about whether they drink at all,” Birditt told Reuters’ Linda Thrasybule.

Birditt and his colleagues looked at data from 4,864 married people who took part in the Health and Retirement Study, a long-term study that looked at the health and well-being of Americans aged 50 and up.

Why do I get so mean when I drink?

If the player pressed the button faster than his opponent, the opponent was punished with a pre-programmed blast of noise that ranged from 1 to 4 on a scale of intensity. Similarly, if the AI opponent was faster, the human player was subjected to an obnoxious blast of sound. Even if the human player won a round, he was displayed the degree of noise intensity that his opponent had chosen for him, allowing the human player to gauge each opponent’s aggressiveness.

When making an aggressive response, MRI scans revealed that drunk players had a considerable drop in brain activity in their prefrontal cortices compared to sober players. The dorsomedial and dorsolateral prefrontal cortices, which are involved in working memory and inhibition, were found to be less active among booze drinkers.

“Aggressiveness is assumed to arise because alcohol directs attention away from inhibitory cues (norms against aggression) and toward instigatory stimuli (such as noise blasts),” the researchers wrote in the study.

In other words, the researchers believe that alcohol’s prefrontal cortex-dampening effects may cause intoxicated players to be more prejudiced toward hostile signs and less aware of social etiquette, leading to more aggressive behavior. They said that the decrease in activity in these areas “may represent lower self-awareness” in drunk people.


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While more MRI studies with bigger samples of drunk and sober participants are needed, this study provides researchers with a better understanding of where alcohol-induced aggression originates.

“Hey, buddy, I think your dorsomedial prefrontal brain has had enough!” it gives tired bartenders a more specific phrase to yell at over-the-limit clientele.

Why do I get aggressive when I drink?

The relationship between rage and alcoholism is complex, but various elements play a role in why they are linked. For one thing, drinking can be used as a justification for being aggressive and hostile. Actions taken while inebriated are frequently more socially acceptable or misconstrued as drunken conduct. Tunnel vision is also induced by alcohol, making rage appear to be the only proper response in a scenario. Alcohol also lowers inhibitions and makes you less fearful of the repercussions of expressing your anger, making an outburst more likely. Finally, drinking inhibits your decision-making and judgment skills, making it far more difficult to regulate your rage.

Professor David Friedman of Wake Forest University has spent 40 years studying drug abuse and addiction. “You probably won’t be surprised, but there are simply some people who are more furious and aggressive than others,” he says of the link between drunkenness and rage. When they drink, it’s these people who get the most enraged.” Despite the fact that this solution is clear and straightforward, it took years of research to come at this conclusive conclusion. A combination of psychology, social science, and neurology can explain why some of us appear to undergo a Jekyll to Hyde-like metamorphosis while drinking. It all boils down to our innate proclivity for rage and our brain’s reaction to the impacts of alcohol.


People with anger issues are more likely to become furious drunks, but it may not be clear to others that they have a problem. If you have a problem with holding your anger inside, you’re more likely to let it out when drinking.

Researchers in Sweden discovered a correlation between suppressing anger and the chance of getting into drunken brawls in a 2010 study. Our pent-up wrath is more likely to come out while drinking since alcohol reduces our self-control. The study also discovered that people who repress their anger are more likely to drink themselves to inebriation, increasing their chances of engaging into a drunken confrontation.


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Another study from 2011 found that people who focus on the present rather than the future are more aggressive and have a harder time considering the implications of their behavior. Those who consume alcohol get a myopic, tunnel effect. This might easily lead to making a short-sighted decision and possibly getting into drunken altercations for people who already don’t think about the future.


Alcohol and other psychoactive substances have been shown to impair our ability to perceive and sympathize with others’ feelings. It should come as no surprise, then, that alcohol impairs our ability to perceive when we are threatening or unfriendly to others. Similarly, we may misinterpret someone’s typical behavior and believe they are hostile or antagonistic.

Consider the last time you or an enraged drunk friend mistook someone else’s actions for an insult and got into a fight over something that could have been avoided. They argue that looking at past conduct is the best approach to anticipate future behavior. Examine your own or a friend’s actions to see whether or not this is a trend.


Alcohol has a significant impact on all of our brain’s chemical processes. Even a few drinks can alter the way our neurotransmitters communicate with one another. This type of communication breakdown can cause problems with decision-making, judgment, and executive control in your frontal brain.

There are portions of the brain that don’t get checked when your prefrontal cortex isn’t in charge, resulting in impulsive ideas and actions. When you take someone who is prone to rage in general, they are less likely to control their wrath while drinking. Serotonin levels are also disrupted by alcohol, which can make mood management difficult. People with lower-than-normal serotonin levels are more likely to be violent.

Avoiding Sudden Aggression And Violence

Domestic abuse and alcoholism have a close relationship. The drunken husband who returns home and violently assaults his wife is a stereotype. This type of stereotype is a long-held belief that science is beginning to disprove. Domestic violence is not caused by heavy drinking, according to research. In fact, the majority of people who are both domestic abusers and alcoholics are likely to commit domestic violence after only a few drinks, implying that they are not sufficiently inebriated to blame their considerably impaired judgment. The conclusion is that drinking and domestic violence are not directly caused by one another, but they can both increase the risk of either occurring.

Do true feelings come out when drunk?


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Anti-Semitism charges have also been leveled against him. “The Passion of the Christ,” his 2004 film about Jesus’ death, was panned by critics who claimed it presented Jews as Jesus’ assassins.

Despite Gibson’s admission in a statement that he said “despicable” words, many people question whether he was truly voicing his opinion.

Belisa Vranich, a clinical psychologist who specializes in alcohol addiction, says that in many circumstances, alcohol doesn’t speak for the inebriated person, but rather gives him the confidence to say things he wouldn’t ordinarily say.

Alcohol affects the cerebral cortex at the top of the brain, which makes a person more likely to act and speak in ways he or she would not otherwise, according to Vranich.

This can result in something benign, such as being more amusing or quiet, or it can result in aggressive conduct and a loss of sexual discretion.

“When one is inebriated, some version of one’s actual feelings typically comes out,” Vranich added.


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“People’s feelings and sentiments are dredged up from deep within their heads, so what they say or do mirrors what’s going on deep down. That old Latin proverb, ‘in vino, veritas,’ holds a lot of truth. Alcohol can absolutely work as a truth serum, allowing people to communicate exactly what they are thinking.”

Regardless, Vranich said Gibson’s recovery following his most recent recurrence was challenging.

“He’ll have to work really hard on strengthening his support systems, finding a healthy outlet for his stress — whether it’s exercise, nutrition, or something else,” she added, “and continuously surrounding himself with people who support his sobriety.”

What is considered an alcoholic?

An alcoholic is someone who consumes alcohol in excess of his or her ability to control it and is unable to stop willingly. Most of the time, this is combined with being chronically inebriated, drinking on a regular basis, and consuming bigger amounts of alcohol than the average person. An alcoholic is a person who is afflicted with alcoholism.

This is defined by Alcoholics Anonymous as “a physical compulsion combined with a mental fixation to consume alcohol,” in which cravings for alcohol are constantly satisfied, even when they should not be.

What do you do when your partner drinks too much?

Educate yourself and other family members on the subject of alcoholism. Encourage your partner in his sobriety endeavors. Tell him how difficult this is for him and how pleased you are of his efforts. Assist your husband at every step of his sobriety journey.

Is it hard to date an alcoholic?

The unfortunate reality is that, due to all of the negative consequences of alcohol abuse, it can be impossible to have a relationship with an alcoholic that isn’t toxic or harmful in some way.


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It’s possible that the only way to have a healthy relationship with an alcoholic is for them to sober up. Unfortunately, this is a long and winding road with many potholes along the route. Your spouse must be ready and prepared to take this step, but even if they do achieve long-term sobriety, your relationship is not guaranteed to endure. Broken trust is difficult to repair, and you may have already done too much harm to save your relationship.

How do I talk to my partner about drinking too much?

Make a direct statement. When it’s time to talk, try to be as straightforward as possible. Begin by expressing which of their recent and particular actions most concerns you, as well as how they make you feel. If you have children, you can point out how your partner’s drinking affects them in specific ways.

Should I date someone who drinks?

Yes, if you so desire. You are an adult capable of making your own choices. However, it all depends on your personal preferences, which only you can determine.

While some people may not hesitate to be in a relationship with someone who still drinks, the prospect may seem absurd to others. Some people may not believe it’s a problem at first, but after getting to know someone, they realize they can’t be with them if they’re not sober. Others might be able to do it if they meet the proper person. It is all up to you.

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