Why Is My Boyfriend So Mean

Let’s face it – Guys are hard to figure out sometimes!

Even if you’ve been dating for a while now, it can still be hard to predict his behavior…

So why is he being so mean to you all of a sudden? And what can you do about it?

Read on to find out more…

Before You Continue…

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What are the signs of a bad boyfriend?

Dating applications have radically transformed the mental calculation we use to find romantic mates during the last decade. We may quickly swipe left and right through a slew of faces, eliminating potential partners and replacing them with superior ones.

Humans have always found a way to handle this behavioral economic trade-off, but the effort now is more difficult than ever due to the sheer volume of options. And we might not be particularly good at it: According to a recent study, “a hierarchy of desirability” in online daters’ strategies—and discovered that we frequently want to link up with people who are quantitatively out of our league.

It’s not always easy to tell when your search is ended, especially with handheld mobile devices providing rapid access to a whole universe of potential mates. Here are nine indicators that you should continue swiping.

1. Being in his presence is never enjoyable.

This should be self-evident. Even in the worst relationships, we often leap through psychological hoops of self-justification to convince ourselves that things are actually working out.

Don’t overthink your feelings and trust your instincts. Pay heed to your sentiments if you aren’t happy around him the bulk of the time. This is especially true if you are in an environment that is supposed to be joyful (e.g., a party, a favorite restaurant, etc.). If being with him makes everything sour, you might want to consider finding a companion that makes even the most mundane activities enjoyable.

2. He is unconcerned about your dreams.

He is aware that you wish to attend graduate school, medical school, or law school, but he is unconcerned. Rather than assisting you in your hunt for the best programs, he claims, “Oh, that’s wonderful.”

This could be a symptom of a wider problem: he may be uninterested in many of your aspirations, big or small. How is he going to deal with all the minor, strange things you’re into if he can’t manage your major aims and aspirations? If he’s right for you, he shouldn’t mind if you eat cold meats in the shower or talk in an extremely cute British accent for hours.


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3. He isn’t known for doing the simple things.

Small things, on their own, are just that—small. When you add them all up, it’s a big issue.

Consider the possibilities below. He goes to the coffee shop and orders a cappuccino and his favorite muffin in scenario A. He texts you in scenario B “In 15 minutes, I’ll be at the coffee shop. Is it possible for me to get you something? For my sweetheart, how about something sweet? (emojis: a smiling face, a heart, a cupcake, and a coffee cup)”

Consider the possibility that you’ve just prepared a romantic meal for two. Mr. Nice Guy might offer to bring a bottle of wine or some bread. If he honestly believes you are the most amazing and beautiful person on the planet, he will make you believe it, even if you don’t believe it yourself.

4. He gives you room by completely ignoring you.

We all require some “”Me-time” is an important part of our life. Does he allow you to have personal time? That’s fantastic! Or has he learned to use that as an excuse to ignore you and pursue other interests? In an ideal world, you’d each go your separate ways, recharge, and then return to tell each other about your adventures. He should be ecstatic to see you, at the very least. Always!

5. He is not emotionally present.

Is he attempting to deduce what you’re thinking and feeling? Empathy is the ability to understand what another person is going through. It is undoubtedly one of the most important social emotions. Empathy deficits are part of the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders, thus they’re not to be overlooked. It’s significant.

Emotionality and physical demands are intertwined. Did he learn about your liking for foot rubs and incorporate it into his routine (since when you’re happy, he’s happy)? Even if you aren’t sleeping together, he notices that you enjoy back kisses and gives them to you whenever he can. That is a response that is empathic.

6. He does not push you to be a better person.

Self-esteem and personal development are occasionally at odds. A strong sense of self-worth is wonderful, and we want our friends and lovers to feel the same way about us. He knows you’re incredible, and you know you’re incredible, so where do you go from here?

The answer is that you can be at your best right now in comparison to other points in your life, but that does not rule out the possibility of even more transformation in the future. If he thinks the same way you do, he’ll point you in this direction: “Honey, you are incredible, which is why I adore you, but you are capable of so much more, and I am completely behind you. Let’s work together to grow.”

7. His friends.

Some of his pals may be familiar to you, but not all. If they have no notion who you are, take it as a warning sign. In an ideal world, he’d talk about you with all of his friends to the point that they recognize you even if they’ve never met you. You should also have a sense of what his friends enjoy and dislike. What else is he hiding if he isn’t talking eagerly about his group to you?

8. Your peers.

Is he able to recall specifics about your pals that you discuss with him? If not, it’s possible that he’s simply not paying attention. Does he, more importantly, inquire about their well-being? This demonstrates genuine curiosity and demonstrates that he is aware of your social and emotional values. “What’s up with Penelope? Was she able to secure a new position? Please let me know if I may be of assistance.”

Of course, don’t expect him to inquire about all of your relationships on a daily basis. You’ll be able to tell what’s reasonable.

9. Your parents

The same as before, but this time with Mom and Dad. Is he ever texting your Mom or Dad just to say hello or to send along some interesting information? If he knows your Mom likes Tom Selleck, he can SMS her a picture of a Magnum PI action doll he saw in a vintage toy store. Even better, he can get it for her! Keep an eye out if he never communicates with your family or just does so when he thinks it will make him look good in their eyes.

Note that the ideas described here do not represent a psychometrically valid relationship strength evaluation. If your partner, on the other hand, goes 0 for 9 on them, it might be time to reconsider your relationship.

How do I get my boyfriend to stop being rude?

No one like being around rude people, and having a harsh boyfriend makes it even more difficult to enjoy your time with him. According to social worker and author Signe Whitson, people who are impolite do so unwittingly. They may not intend to be cruel; in fact, they may believe they are being amusing or helpful, but their acts and remarks hurt nonetheless. As a result, it’s critical not to put up with your boyfriend’s rudeness.

Why is my boyfriend so controlling and mean?

If you’re in a dominating relationship, it can be emotionally draining and dangerous to your health. It’s critical that you approach this situation and address the issues that may arise. Examine the connection and figure out which aspects are in charge so you can figure out what you need to do to get out of it or make it better. Going to counseling with your partner is one method to deal with these challenges. It’s not always hopeless; perhaps he’s acting jealously because he doesn’t know how to handle a relationship and is traumatized by the past. In this case, the most important thing is that you feel completely protected and that he makes a sincere, continuous effort to change. If this is your situation, one option is to seek couples counseling. ReGain’s skilled counselors are available to help you work through these issues and ensure that you get the most out of your relationships through online counseling.

There are numerous indicators of a dominating boyfriend or relationship. Here are a few examples:

  • Making you feel obligated to agree with him by disparaging your friends and relatives.
  • Refusing to let you feel free to leave the house alone
  • Making you feel awful for not inviting him to a girls’ night out
  • Forcing you to spend time with him rather than your friends and family
  • Disallows you to have male buddies
  • When you wish to do things without him, his body language clearly says he is upset.
  • Claiming that you are unable to meet with male coworkers outside of the office for meetings
  • Food management and other health-related subjects
  • Refusing to let you wear short skirts outside the house
  • Claiming that you won’t be able to hang out with your pals since he’ll be alone at home.
  • Demanding that you devote all of your leisure time to him
  • Refusing to accompany you to happy hour after work.
  • You have the impression that you are living with your parents
  • When you’re on a long-distance call (for example, while on vacation), he calls often and tries to take time away from your family and friends.
  • When you have a controlling partner, you may expect them to behave in a variety of ways, from mild to excessive. Controlling conduct is frequently the result of your controlling partner’s inability to control things in his own life. As a result, your lover is in control of your life, giving him the impression that he is in charge of something significant. This scenario, however, frequently backfires when your controlling partner tries to take control of your entire life and decision-making processes.

    At beginning, the singings of a domineering partner may be minor. He might remark he’ll miss you and wishes you didn’t have to go, or he might insist on you canceling arrangements with a buddy so you can be with him.

    Refusing to allow you leave the house without him or restricting your food and clothing choices are examples of far larger and more serious controlling behavior.

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    What are signs of disrespect in a relationship?

  • They are deafeningly deafeningly deafeningly deafen
  • They don’t put you first.
  • They treat you as if you were invisible.
  • You discovered that they were lying to you.
  • They are flirtatious with other people.
  • They deliberately harm your feelings.
  • They won’t spend time with you, your family, or your friends.
  • What is a toxic relationship?

    A toxic relationship is defined as “any relationship that does not support each other, where there is conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there is competition, where there is disrespect, and where there is a lack of cohesiveness,” according to Dr. Lillian Glass, a California-based communication and psychology expert who claims to have coined the term in her 1995 book Toxic People.

    While every relationship has its ups and downs, Glass claims that a toxic relationship is persistently unpleasant and tiring for all involved, to the point where negative times dominate happy ones. Toxic relationships are cognitively, emotionally, and possibly physically detrimental to one or both partners, according to Dr. Kristen Fuller, a California-based family care specialist who specializes in mental health.

    These connections do not have to be romantic: Friendly, familial, and professional interactions, according to Glass, can all be toxic.

    How do you know if your boyfriend isn’t treating you right?

    From the outside, it can appear to be extremely simple to identify toxic relationships. You’re all over your BFF’s boyfriend’s case when he doesn’t treat her well.

    Or you express your displeasure on Twitter when a celebrity’s significant other cheats on them. When you’re in a toxic relationship, though, this may not be the case.

    Yes, there are some red signs that must be addressed. If you’ve been cheated on, or if your significant other is verbally or physically abusive, you may decide to end the relationship.

    However, red flags are frequently subtle and easily overlooked, and you may even find yourself disregarding the truly serious ones because you don’t want to accept the person you love isn’t perfect for you, or that the relationship isn’t beneficial for either of you.

    It’s critical to be able to see red flags in your relationship so that you can deal with them effectively and determine whether or not this is the right relationship for you. Read on for a few red flags to watch out for:

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    They make you feel bad about yourself.

    You have every right to date someone who treats you like royalty. If your significant other wants you to change (by wearing differently, cutting ties with friends, or drinking and partying when that’s not your scene), it’s an indication they don’t really like you for who you are, and you deserve someone far better. It’s also time to say goodbye if your S.O. is continuously putting you down or if their behavior makes you doubt your own self-worth. A good relationship will lift you up and make you happy, rather than bringing you down.

    They have you second-guessing their feelings toward you.

    Games aren’t appropriate in any situation, but especially in a relationship. What’s the point of dating if you can’t tell if your crush is into you? If it’s not apparent, that’s a red signal that has to be addressed.

    “When we engage into a relationship with someone, we have a desire to feel tied or connected, and when that bond is endangered, we become anxious, unable to think clearly, and frequently lash out or demand proof that we can count on the other person,” explains Clinical Psychologist Dr. Rune Moelbak.

    While your S.O. may go out of their way to display their love for you in the beginning of a relationship, this may fade as the partnership progresses over months or years. Of course, they don’t have to send you flowers every day, but even if you’ve been dating for a year, you should never doubt their affections for you. Because it will make them joyful, your bae should want to show you how much they care about you.

    They don’t listen to you.

    What’s the point of dating if your significant other never listens to you when you speak to them? They don’t have to remember every detail of your chats, but they should put their phones down for a moment (yes, really), listen, and offer thoughtful feedback. When you’re stressed or unhappy, this is even more true. Sure, their eyes may glaze over while you’re talking about Justin Bieber for the millionth time, but anyone worth your time should care about you and your life.

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    They don’t support your goals.

    If you ask them to practice flashcards before your big exam, they might reply no. Or maybe you tell them about your great goals of one day operating your own firm and they laugh you off as if you’re crazy. That’s a bummer. You’ll be happier and more successful in the long term if you have someone by your side who believes in your abilities completely. If your significant other is constantly sabotaging your plans, they may be worried about their own future. That isn’t an excuse for them to put you down. Whoever you date should have faith in you and be supportive of your goals and desires.

    They pressure you to get physical before you’re ready.

    Making the decision to hook up or have sex is a huge one. There’s no need to hurry into anything unless you’re completely prepared. The ideal person will respect you by respecting your limits and moving at a speed that is comfortable for both of you.

    The relationship is all about them.

    You go to your S.O.’s place when their schedule allows it and order pizza because it’s their favorite food. While that’s fine once in a while, partnerships are all about giving and taking. They’re way too selfish to be in a relationship if they can’t let you pick what you want to watch on Netflix or chat about what’s on your mind. It’s all about finding a middle ground, and if they don’t get it, they shouldn’t bother with you.

    They never compliment you.

    Even the most reserved or stoic individuals can occasionally open up and say something like, “No one makes me laugh like you do,” “Your performance in the school play deserved an Oscar,” or “You look like a freaking supermodel in that dress.” Your partner doesn’t have to fawn over you all the time, but a compliment now and again is pleasant to hear, and it’s very common in a relationship.

    They don’t try to get along with your friends or family.

    Your bae doesn’t have to be best friends with all of your friends, but they should make an effort to get along with the individuals that matter to you. They should also wish to introduce you to their friends and relatives. If your friends and family aren’t smitten with them, it’s possible that they’re picking up on red flags that you’re too enamored to see.

    Your friends think your S.O. sucks.

    Chatting with friends should be enjoyable and straightforward. It’s a massive red flag if you’re doing mental gymnastics to avoid mentioning your bae’s name and suffering the wrath of your friends’ haterade. They aren’t arbitrarily bashing on your S.O. unless they’re envious monsters. simply to despise. They see that you are deserving of far more (and wish you knew that, too).

    You’ve never met their friends.

    You’ve heard innumerable humorous stories about your bae’s buddies Andy and Taylor during your time together. So, where have they gone? It’s suspicious if you’ve been dating for a long time and haven’t met their buddies. Your significant other may not mean to keep you hidden, but if they make up shady excuses when you say you’d like to meet the gang, it’s an indication something isn’t quite right.

    They call you crazy.

    When others wish to dismiss a girl’s feelings and experiences, they call her “crazy.” It’s a sign that they aren’t mature enough to truly listen to you and take responsibility for their actions. And if they insist that every single one of their ex-girlfriends or boyfriends is insane, that’s a clue you should leave. That wacky sitch has bae as a common denominator.

    They check out other people.

    People are permitted to think others are cute, but you should be confident in your relationship to know that your significant other is exclusively interested in you. This person isn’t worth your time if they ignore you and stare at the girl across the room when you’re right there. It’s natural to notice when others are attractive, but they shouldn’t make you feel horrible or uneasy every time you leave the house.

    They cheat on you.

    Leave. Get out of here now. Pronto. They’ll do it again, and even if they don’t, you deserve someone who would never betray your confidence and put your relationship in jeopardy in that way.

    You always text your bae back right away, but they take their sweet time to respond to you.

    It’s fine if your significant other goes a few hours without responding to your text every now and again. Consider why you text them back immediately soon if they rarely write back on time, if at all. Because conversing with them gives you the shivers? Because you’re having a great time talking? Because you’re a nice person? And why aren’t they doing the same for you? Let them know if their texting failures are bothering you. It’s possible that your significant other is unaware that you’re keeping track of the time between responses. Alternatively, they may not feel the same way about you, in which case you do not require it in your life.

    They get jealous when you spend time away from them.

    Spending time together is important, but so is spending time apart in a good relationship. If your significant other becomes salty, they may feel left out. Schedule a date night as soon as possible, and offer them to join you on the next group adventure. Also, attempt to reason with your bae about why they are so jealous. “Being able to be in a loving relationship necessitates us becoming more comfortable talking to our partner about those anxieties and weaknesses that often lie buried behind our attempts to control and dominate,” Dr. Moelbak explained. “As a result, couples will need to discover a new way to work out their differences. They must not place blame on the other person or dismiss the demands of the other person.” If they have problems trusting you to be independent on a regular basis, it’s a significant warning flag that they may be too controlling or even abusive now or in the future.

    They blame you during every argument—and never apologize when they’re the one who messed up.

    Look, no one is perfect, and navigating relationships may be difficult at times. Maybe you done something once or twice to annoy your bae. Womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, wo That doesn’t give them the right to hold you responsible for everything that goes wrong in your relationship. In reality, doing so will only exacerbate the relationship’s problems. “While blaming the other person temporarily relieves you of your own guilt, unhappiness, or sense of deficiency, shifting the blame to the other side will simply cause greater misery in your spouse, with no ultimate benefit to the relationship,” Dr. Moelbak explained. When they make a mistake or damage your feelings, they must accept responsibility and apologize. If Justin Bieber can do it, so can your significant other.

    They threaten to break up with you all the time.

    This is a form of emotional manipulation. You shouldn’t have to live your life fearing that your S.O. would dump you for good if you say or do anything stupid. You should feel safe in your relationship and at ease enough to be yourself around your partner, rather than continuously walking on eggshells.

    They always flake out on plans.

    It’s understandable if your S.O. cancels one date to study for a huge test. If they continually flake out because they want to play video games at home or because something better has come up, you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t value your time or respect you. Save your time for someone who will make time to get out with you because they are eager to do so.

    They never take you out on a real date.

    We’re not suggesting your boyfriend is a jerk for not being able to afford to take you out on nice dates all of the time. However, if your S.O. refuses to go out in public with you, whether to get fro yo, see a movie, or attend a party, instead of just hooking up at home every time you two hang out, it’s a clue they’re not ready to commit. Either they’re not paying attention to you (see #3), they’re more interested in hooking up than having a meaningful relationship, they’re trying to hide you, or they’re just plain lazy. You’re worth more than that, whatever it is, and you deserve someone who wants to show you off.

    They’re not cool about the things you like.

    There’s a difference between gently mocking you about your Pretty Little Liars fixation and making you feel stupid for being interested in what’s going on in Rosewood. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, by the way, is the difference. Your significant other doesn’t have to enjoy everything you like, but they shouldn’t make you feel awful about it.

    They never talk about the future.

    While living in the moment is vital, you also want to know if your significant other is committed to establishing a future with you. This doesn’t have to imply that you’ll be together for the next 40 years (though it might!). However, it’s good to see that your significant other wants to make plans for the holidays or next summer to demonstrate that they value your relationship as much as you do.

    Why does my partner say hurtful things?

    You would never have to forgive your mate for anything in an ideal world. However, the world is not flawless, and we can both hurt and be wounded by those we love. Saying cruel things isn’t always deliberate, but it can cause problems in a marriage.

    This article will go through what is and isn’t acceptable in a marriage, why people say cruel things, and what to do if you’ve been wounded.

    When is it okay to say hurtful things?

    Let’s first start off by emphasizing that it is never right to speak harsh words merely with the goal of causing discomfort to your partner. We have the right to our own feelings and emotions as human beings, and they can be chaotic and unpredictable at times; it’s just a part of life.

    This is what we categorize as being ‘okay’ in relationships when you are upset by anything your partner has said that was not meant to hurt you. This is quite normal and appropriate; it’s a natural component of human connection. In situations like this, it should be quite simple to talk to your partner, explain why you are upset, and then move on.

    Conversely, if your partner is saying things to purposefully inflict damage, this is not okay. Intentionally injuring your spouse is never acceptable. Remember that both verbal and emotional abuse are forms of abuse. This should never be considered a “natural” element of a relationship because it is unhealthy.

    Why do people say hurtful things to each other?

    Hurtful things are frequently expressed in frustration and rage in relationships and marriages. In long-term relationships, these are perfectly acceptable feelings. If you’ve never been upset with your partner, you’re quite unique. Sometimes harsh things are spoken absolutely innocently, and the offender is unaware that they have caused harm.

    This is frequently due to one’s background, previous relationships, and personality. What may be painful to one person may be amusing to another. As a result, it’s critical to tell your spouse when your feelings are wounded so that hurtful remarks can be avoided.

    The best way to avoid hurt feelings is to have open and healthy communication, which should be a part of any long-term relationship. It could be as easy as you and your spouse communicate with each other in different ways, and you would both benefit from getting on the same page.

    What is disrespectful behavior in a relationship?

    Let’s take a look at nine acts that might be considered disrespectful in marriage and relationships:

    1.) Manipulation is the first step. Susie would frequently pretend to cry in order to gain favor with her boyfriend, Jim. Her crying was a deceptive and manipulative approach that made Jim feel bad all the time since he thought he had upset her.

    2.) Minimizing feelings is another disrepectful behavior. Emily would tell her boyfriend Gunther about her mother’s problems, but he would dismiss her concerns and suggest she was overreacting.

    3.) The third type of behavior is nagging and criticizing. Kristine had a set of standards for her home and a stay-at-home mom routine that she adhered to, so she was constantly nagging her husband Chris when he deviated from them. Chris’ style of doing things was not respected by Kristine. It is also considered disrespectful behavior when nagging turns into criticism of the other’s character and personality (rather to only focusing on the behavior).

    4.) Stonewalling is another form of defiance. When Ryan and Angela got into a fight, Ryan would either leave the house or lock himself in their bedroom, leaving Angela heartbroken and unable to help him address the problem. Ryan would ignore Angela for hours, if not days, at a time.

    5.) Lying is a fifth example of disrespectful behavior. Natalie was meant to be applying for jobs during the day after she lost her job. Even though they were struggling financially, she would lie and pretend she had been hunting for employment when she had actually been watching television all day when her husband arrived home from work.

    6.) We’ll move on to put downs next. When Jason and Amanda were around mutual acquaintances, Jason would often make fun of Amanda by stating she was a lousy chef and maid. Amanda was humiliated and ashamed as a result of this.

    7.) Another symptom of disrespect is putting pressure on the other person in the relationship. Sasha made it plain that she despises shellfish, but Sebastian insisted on forcing it on her in front of her friends and family. He would constantly pressurize her to attempt new things in front of her friends, which made Sasha feel uneasy.

    8.) Disrespect is also visible when the relationship or marriage is threatened to terminate. William adored his fiancée, Kim, but she threatened to leave him anytime they clashed, making him feel uneasy in the relationship.

    Finally, disloyalty indicates a lack of regard for others. Diana was suffering from postpartum depression and wished to keep her emotional troubles and disagreements with her husband Matt private. Without Diana’s permission, Matt told their mutual friends about her problems and secrets.

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