How To Break Up With A Nice Guy – The Complete Guide

As international relationship and dating coaches, we get emails and messages from women all over the world about this subject.

We’ve seen this situation play out time and time again. And it usually goes like this:

A woman who wants to end a relationship even though on paper, the man she’s with is an all round “nice guy”.

Her partner might even be caring, nurturing, attractive, and a good father.

But at the end of the day, she just doesn’t feel like they are compatible with each other.

And rather than make her want him more, these great qualities just make it more difficult for her to leave him.

We understand – It feels terrible to be stuck in this situation.

On one hand, you are a nice girl with a big heart, and you don’t want to hurt your partner…

But on the other hand, you just feel so trapped and uneasy in the relationship, and your heart is just not feeling it.

So what’s the best way to approach this situation? And what’s the right way to break up with a nice guy? Read on to find out…

How Do You Break Up With A Nice Guy?

At some point, breaking up with a nice guy is a stressful but necessary thing to do.

In fact, if your heart just in the relationship, the honest thing to do is to end it.

Every woman has been in a relationship with a guy who is nice, caring and considerate to her. But in many cases, there comes a time when you know deep inside your heart that the relationship has to come to an end.

There are times in life that aren’t easy, and being in a relationship where you don’t feel a true connection amounts to being in constant turmoil, where your heart is full of worry and confusion.

So to make things easier, here are some guidelines you should follow when breaking up with a nice guy:

1. Be Sure About What You Want

Here’s a common situation when it comes to dating:

People make such a strong connection with someone that in the beginning they lose sight of their insecurities and begin to develop strong feelings for the other person.

But it’s easy to confuse these feelings with true love. They can cloud your judgment at first. But once they fade away, you’ll realize that you’re just not compatible with each other.

Before you break up with your boyfriend, consider if you are really ready to move on and if you really want to break up with him.

Ask yourself if the relationship truly cannot be saved. Think about whether he can improve himself to meet your needs, or you’re just not meant for each other.

2. Give Him A Hint About What’s Coming

Most breakups come as a shock to nice guys because they usually don’t have a clue that the relationship is falling apart.

That being said, it is always better to let someone know what you want in a polite way rather than just cutting off all contact or ending the relationship abruptly.

Hinting about what you are planning to do is one of the most effective ways to break up with a nice guy. You can even have an honest discussion with your boyfriend and how you feel about the relationship, but don’t sugarcoat anything.

This way, there won’t be any nasty surprises when you finally break up with him. It also gives you the time it needs to emotionally detach yourself from the relationship.

3. Meet In-Person Somewhere Private

When you’re finally ready to have the talk, be sure meet the guy in person somewhere private.
You don’t want to have to deal with your emotions when you are in the middle of something embarrassing.

It is also good to meet him in person so that you can both have a sense of closure, rather than leave things unsaid and make the aftermath of the breakup messy.

4. Keep In Mind The Delicacy Of The Situation

When you are the one to break the news, things will change quickly. He might start apologizing for everything, but don’t get too carried away with this.

If you’ve listened to your heart and decided to break up with him, stick with your decision. You don’t want to be guilted into staying with him, only to resent him and have an even worse break up later on.

Breaking up with a nice guy never easy. It involves finding the balance between being honest and kind about your feelings.

So when you break up with your boyfriend, try to be as sensitive and polite as you can. Say things in a considerate way, and make sure he understands exactly what the reason is behind it all.

5. Be Transparent

When you are having this conversation with your guy, be upfront. Speak from the heart. After all, honesty is the best thing you can offer him at this point.

Do not hide your true feelings. He’s going to be hurt one way or another, so let him have the whole honest truth.

The worst thing you can do when breaking up with a nice guy is to lead him on and keep him hoping for a second chance, so make it clear that your decision is final.

In other words, break up with him clearly, calmly and completely. This way you will avoid any misunderstanding or false hope, and there won’t be any reason for resentment or anger on his side.

6. Show Him Some Compassion Afterwards

If you want to stay friendly and civil with each other, then be sure to show some compassion after making your point.

Show him that you really care about him, even though you don’t want to be involve with him as lovers, and that you can relate to how he’s feeling in the moment.

It’s also a good idea to provide an open ear and listen to what he has to say. It’s okay for him to cry and get upset, but don’t come on too strong or try to be too friendly if he doesn’t want that.

In short, show some compassion after the fact. He might not love you the way he did before, but show him your true heart and understanding, and you’ll earn a new friend instead of an enemy.

7. Give Him Closure

When there is no closure at the end to a relationship, it may make things harder for both of you.

Even if you don’t have any desire to continue the relationship, give him the closure he needs by being clear about what your decision is. Don’t let him leave that room not knowing where he stands.

If you are not able to find the right words, write down things that you want him to remember about the relationship. Do it in a way that cannot be misinterpreted in any way.

Get it all out in an honest way, and remember something important: men can take a lot of abuse, but they also need a pat on the back once in a while.

8. Listen To What He Has To Say

While you say your share of things, don’t brush off what he says as inconsequential. Whatever he says, keep it in mind and ask him to explain further if you feel that there is something that you still don’t understand.

In this way you will be able to give him a sense of closure and also understand where he is coming from.

This should help both of you make a clean break since you both should be able to move on at your own pace without feelings of guilt or regret.

Most importantly, it will increase the chances of healthier and happier relationships in the future.

9. Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions

When you have decided to take such a huge step as ending a relationship, there is no room for blaming the other person for your decision, or any things that have gone wrong leading up to the breakup.

Own up to the fact that it is you who has come to this decision and that this is what you want. And don’t leave him wondering why you have taken a decision that is completely out of the blue.

If you have been doing something wrong, be up front and tell him what is going on so that he can be relieved that it’s not his fault, and at least there will be peace of mind that he isn’t a bad person at heart.

10. Mutual Respect Is Key

The key to breaking up with a nice guy in a calm and peaceful way is mutual respect. Be sure to respect each other’s feelings, and don’t break up with him in a manner that is hurtful or disrespectful.

Also, be sure not to leave bad feelings behind you. Show mutual respect by being polite and courteous and don’t hold it against him even if he reacts in an emotional way and says some things that might upset you.

How Do You Break Up With A Nice Guy Without Hurting Him?

To break up with a nice guy without hurt feelings, you must be honest with yourself and with him. You must not leave things unsaid. A nice guy deserves better than that.

That means you have to look inside your heart and head, accept the truth about your relationship, acknowledge that it just isn’t working out, feel the sadness of the breakup, then move on.

Nice guys tend to have sensitive feelings. So here are a few tips on how to break up with one without hurting him too badly:

1. Don’t Start Ignoring Him After The Breakup

Yes, we know you want to get out of this awkward situation right away, but don’t do it at the expense of his feelings.

So, if at all possible, do not ignore him after the breakup. It is really important for his self-esteem and self-worth that you keep in touch with him so he does not feel rejected or unimportant.

You certainly don’t have to be there 24/7 for him. But if he reaches out, at least offer him an open ear to hear him out, while being firm on your decision to move on.

2. Don’t Involve Others In Your Breakup

When you want a clean breakup, it’s always best to avoid the friends of the person you are dating.

If you are not comfortable with it, avoid talking about your relationship too much to anyone, at least until you’ve both moved on.

Breakups with nice guys can get messy very quickly, and his friends can turn the whole thing into a huge drama show, so try not to get them involved.

And it goes without saying that you should not make a big scene of the break up over social media or over the telephone, or use a public method of communication as a way to break up with him.

3. Don’t Play The Blame Game

There is no use blaming each other for a relationship that does not work out. It is not his fault for being too nice or too boring, and it is not your fault if you just didn’t feel at home in the relationship.

It might be tempting for both of you to go through all the things that didn’t go right in the relationship and assign blame to each other.

But this will not be good for either one of you, and might even help to prolong your discomfort.

It is much healthier to look at the good things about the relationship and consider what made it difficult for you to stay in it. You might find many reasons and explanations for why your relationships do not work out, and this can help you prepare accordingly next time around.

So instead of blaming each other, concentrate on accepting the fact that this relationship has ended, and that it is time to move on.

4. Don’t Try To Humiliate Each Other

Every breakup comes with its fair share of bitter feelings, no matter who initiated it.

And when you break up with a nice guy, there is a tendency for him to try to make you feel bad for ending things with him.

It is not always easy, but you must learn not to play into this game and try to hurt him back.

Remember that there was a reason why you started dating in the first place, and hurting him after the breakup will not help either of you move on.

Simply focus on a clean and civil break, and wish him well in the future.

5. Don’t Try To End It On ‘Staying Friends’ Terms

Here’s the bitter truth about breakups:

The fact is, you will never be “normal friends” with someone who you want to break up with. No matter what happens, you will always be exes, and you will always share a history with each other.

So don’t try to pretend that you can still be friends after a breakup.

You have to accept the fact that this relationship has ended and it is time to move on. Get out of the situation as soon as possible, and keep each other at a healthy distance after that.

This is what we call a clean break. It means that both parties involved are honest about their feelings and intentions, and they don’t allow hidden resentments or anger to mar the end of their relationship.

6. Avoid Arguing About How The Relationship Went

When you break up with a nice guy, there were probably many reasons that led you to make that decision.

Perhaps you felt like you were mistreated in some way, or that he never attempted to see things from your perspective despite being “kind” to you.

As a result, you may feel like you were treated unfairly, and wish to express all of this at the end.

But we know breakups can turn ugly pretty quickly, so it’s not worth getting into an argument about all the little details that went wrong in the relationship.

Avoid fighting with him or getting angry at him for this. Instead, appreciate him for his love and kindness. Show him that you appreciate him for who he is, and the good moments of the relationship.

7. Don’t Lie About The Actual Reason

No matter what you do, avoid trying to make excuses or justifications for not wanting to see him anymore.

It’s tempting to do this with a nice guy, because of that overbearing feeling of guilt you might get when you decide that you don’t want to be with him anymore.

Instead, just tell him how you feel about the relationship, and that you don’t wish to continue in it anymore.

The truth may hurt, but it still has to be said, so it’s much better to be blunt about it rather than sugar coat it.

8. Breakup Sex Is Never A Good Idea

As a final act, you may be tempted to have sex for one final time before breaking up, perhaps to bring about a sense of closure to the relationship.

But this is never a good idea. In fact, it’s a surefire way to make a nice guy act needy and clingy after the breakup.

After all, your heart is not into him anymore. Make this clear to him, and allow him to accept this fact as quickly as possible.

9. Don’t Leave Room For Doubts

Everyone wants their questions and doubts to be answered at the end of a relationship.

From his perspective, he may come to think that this relationship would have worked out if you gave it another chance. He might even beg for you to stay in his life, promising to try harder next time.

If you want a clean breakup with a nice guy, don’t leave him hanging like this. Leave no room for doubts in his head. Make it clear to him why you decided to breakup with him, and that your decision is final.

10. Don’t Carry Any Guilt

The most important key for your own emotional health is to avoid blaming yourself for ending things.

This is especially common when breaking up with nice guys – You will inevitably feel like you’re hurting his feelings, even though you’re doing the right thing by listening to your heart.

At the end of the day, it’s not your fault that you want to break up with him and that you just don’t have feelings for him anymore.

Let go of any guilt – If you truly don’t feel connected with him, breaking up is the correct and honest thing to do.

Why Do I Want To Break Up With A Nice Guy?

We get it – This is probably a very confusing and emotionally stressful time for you.

You might even be thinking to yourself: “Why do I want to break up with him when he’s been nothing but nice to me?”

The fact is: Feelings are not a choice. It doesn’t matter how nice or pleasant he behaves. If you can’t connect deeply with each other, there’s no way around it.

Some Common Reasons

You may want to break up with a nice guy because as the relationship developed, you realized that this guy doesn’t resemble the one you fell in love with.

Another possibility is that there is a lot of drama inside him that was hidden at first, but eventually surfaces as you start dating. He might start acting too clingy and you just want to avoid that.

Perhaps it’s a matter of compatibility: Maybe he’s not into the same things as you, or even judgmental about your differences.

Is Breaking Up With Him Justified?

The most important thing is to listen to your heart. As long as you do this, anything you do will be justified, because you’re simply acting honestly with your feelings.

In fact, it would be dishonest to stay in a relationship if you don’t truly love him.

You don’t mean to break his heart. But if you have to choose between staying in a cold relationship and staying true to your feelings, the choice becomes obvious.

How To “Lock-In” Any Man’s Devotion And Make Him Yours Forever

As dating and relationship coaches, we believe you deserve to enjoy a loving, devoted relationship with the best man possible.

But here’s the harsh truth:

Only about 2% of women end up doing so.

Most women will go through life without ever experiencing this, going through disappointment after disappointment in their relationships, and growing old without ever ending up with their ideal match.

But every now and then, you’ll meet that one couple who seem to have it all…

In fact, you probably already know some women who have that perfect relationship, and never have trouble with guys.

So what are these women doing differently?

Here’s the secret:

It’s not about your body…

It’s not about your age…

And it’s not about your looks either…

It all boils down to being able to trigger the natural “devotion instincts” inside a man’s mind.

To learn exactly how to do this, check out our free guide now:

Here’s the thing we’ve noticed in the women we coach:

The first thing that happens once you start using these simple techniques is everything becomes EASY.

You will find it EASY to talk to guys at parties and draw their attention.

It will become EASY to captivate a man, and make him obsessed with you.

And it will become EASY to make him devote his entire being to love you, cherish you, and make you feel like the most special girl in the world.

Learn the techniques now and try them out for yourself – You will be surprised at how big of a difference it makes in your life!